Turning Our Tunneling Tendency Into A Tool

Oh the tunneling nature of thoughts.

Ever misinterpreted what someone said (or even more likely, texted) and let your thoughts of offense tunnel into an entire court case in your head with evidence of why you’re right and they’re wrong?

Ever had a knot on your muscle and before you knew it you were googling masses and forming plans for every “what if” out there?

Ever thought too much about a decision that just needs to be made quickly, and found yourself spending days on pros and cons lists, rendering yourself incapable of making ANY decision because you then continue to tunnel into the cons of each option?

Yeah, I’m guilty of this kind of “tunneling” thinking sometimes. Darn tunnel is never ending too! It’s a bottomless pit!

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But you know what??

Have you ever heard that our enemy, Satan, takes what God meant for our good and tries to pervert it into something bad for us? He isn’t creative, he just copies.

He tries to turn the believing-in-what-we-don’t-yet-see FAITH capability God gave us, into fear.

He tries to turn others-focused feelings of love into hate.

And he tries to turn our ability to tunnel into deeper and deeper thoughts of God and his wisdom, positivity….into pessimism.

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Sometimes when we are in the middle of less-than-positive-feeling circumstances or thought patterns it’s hard to imagine the things we hope for.

Sometimes it’s easier to see what the enemy is doing than what God is working on.

But God made us in his image, and just like he can work all things out for our good…we can choose not to get discouraged with our fleshy tendencies, and instead turn them around to agree with God, and become more like him, instead of our enemy.

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What does this “tunneling into positivity” look like in practice?

It all starts with one little, intentional thought.

In the Bible it says we enter into God’s presence with Thanksgiving and praise.

Not just when we feel like it, but sometimes when we don’t feel like it at all.

Sometimes when we can only think of one little thing to say thank you for… and that’s ok. We just need the one, to start.

Here’s an example:

I used to hate housework. I used to walk around stewing in my brain saying things in my head like “This is a bunch of crap that I’m the only one who does the dishes, or vacuums, or knows how to change empty TP rolls…nobody in this house appreciates me. I wonder what they’d do if I just left for a week… mom Beach trip anyone?? And what if something did happen to me and I had to be away not by choice longer? Would my husband even know how to pay the bills and would my children ever be able to take care of their own families when they grow up??….”

See how fast that escalated?
Ridiculous, I know.

But also I’m betting many people can relate.

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Now let me show you what God has been teaching me and why I actually enjoy my housework time now:

It all began with a confession, an intentional thought. “I need Jesus.” I was sick and tired of anxiety, and all I wanted was God’s peace, but it had become clear I couldn’t attain it on my own.

In the Bible it says “Enter into his presence with thanksgiving and praise.”

It also says “He will keep in perfect peace those whose thoughts are fixed on him.”

So…I decided to try it out, even when I didn’t feel like it.

I started with a sacrifice of thanksgiving and praise- (saying thank you even when I didn’t feel like it)- and then- by accident the first time- not realizing it was a recipe that ALWAYS can make me feel better- I started to tunnel those thankful thoughts.

Really I just wanted something to distract me from the natural, fleshly, negative dialogue in my head.

So I started like this:

Thank you God for these dishes (even though at the time, I was not happy to be washing them by hand since our dishwasher had been broke for a year 😂 just being real here.)

Thank you for running water in my house to wash them with.

Thank you for my family that helps me dirty them. Especially these kids I prayed for!

Thank you for my husband, and that the reason he hasn’t fixed the dishwasher yet is he comes home tired because he works so hard to provide for me and our kids. (Since then, God bless her, my mom bought us a dishwasher as a Christmas gift and literally every time I use it I now thank God for that gift, and for my mom. ❤️)

Thanks that we have food.

Thanks for how you always provide for us.

Thanks for the good seasons we have had where there’s a lot of eating out, and vacations, and thank you for character we learn in the slow seasons, like contentment and creativity in finding new things to do and new foods to prepare at home. Thank you for the opportunity to gather together for meals, whether it be in a restaurant or at our dinner table, or even in the car on the go when life is busy.

Speaking of that, Thanks for all the opportunities we have…

And that can go on forever and ever too!

It’s a never-ending tunnel- of positivity, and instead of leading to a black hole, at the end is a light!

Isn’t this a beautiful metaphor for our life?

Tunneling, tunneling, tunneling…always on a journey…until we reach the end of the tunnel. And depending on our outlook, and what we expect of our final destination – this can either be scary, or it can give us an even-if kind of hope.

One thing is for sure-
entering the tunnel of God’s presence and his Hope sure makes chores move a lot more quickly, and with much more peace.

(Most of the time) I don’t even care who does them anymore. I’m just thankful I have a house that even needs cleaned and a family that can even be considered as part of my circle that I get to care for.

I slip up still sometimes.

And I’m better at remembering this with the chores thing than some other areas of life, just because I’ve been practicing it every day for a few years now.

But that’s life.

Always growing.

Always tunneling.

And even if we don’t FEEL like it, always in control of at least o.n.e. thing: our perspective.

Which way will we tunnel?



“You can’t just pour it, you have to drink it-

for it to do your body any good.”

That’s the thought that entered my brain after the second cup of milk I poured myself the other morning- only to get distracted and walk away without actually consuming it.

That always seems to happen with my coffee too. 🤔 Anyone else have to heat up their coffees multiple times because all the things interrupt? ☕️ Maybe by the third time you end up just tossing some ice in and going the cold java route instead? Yeah- I’ve done that!

For me though, no thought is ever just a thought about that thing.

No- my mind always parallels whatever I see to the spiritual.

So this is what that forgotten cup of milk said to me yesterday. Or rather- this is what I sensed the Spirit say to me, using the walked-away-from cup of milk as an illustration:

A Bible verse may be pretty to look at,

especially if it’s “poured into a pretty cup”

{AKA- being word-arted up.}

BUT- unless we actually consume it,

unless we let the Spirit help us digest it

and put it into action in our lives,

like was meant to be done…

then what good is it?

Milk in a cup not drank is nutrients that will never nourish.

Pretty verses saved to our camera rolls, or highlighted on our Bible apps, but never actually chewed on….never meditated upon…never put into practice and given a chance to nourish our souls, delivering nutrients to our needs, feeding our relationships and real-life situations… well it’s spiritual sustenance that we have, right there for the using, and yet many times we stay starving instead because we just glance at it, get busy with something else, and walk away.

When I make myself a meal or a drink during the day and forget to eat it, my body usually gives me some clues.

My mouth will become dry.

My stomach will start to grumble.

I’ll feel a little weak, and I’ll start acting a little hangry- a little less patient, a little more irritable.

When we neglect to actually consume the Word, the side effects are similar.

Our souls become dry.

We get grumbly.

We can feel weak – lacking in energy, joy, zeal, peace and fullness.

We can become more irritable, less patient.

And we can diagnose it as many things,

and cover it up with countless treatments, bandaids, or remedies-

but the truth is, we are probably just hangry for our spiritual food.

It sounds silly to have to be reminded-

to sit down, rest, take a few minutes three times a day to fix yourself a meal, and savor it.

We can get busy and think- who has time for that? And settle for a quick bite of fast food, scarfed down so quickly we can barely taste it. Or no food at all. But do that long enough and there’s no denying our bodies suffer. Though it may take us awhile to get uncomfortable enough to do anything about that.

And our souls? I think we tend to let them go hungry even longer. Who has time to sit down and read, reflect, get filled? So we settle for quick bites of “fast food” Word. Single scriptures isolated from their context, which look pretty but aren’t as rich in spiritual nutrients as they would be if we took in the surrounding verses too, and asked God to help us apply it to our lives instead of just pooping it right back out.

Excuse me for the gross parallel there, but it’s true isn’t it?

Ask anyone in homeopathy whether or not some brands of vitamins are better than others. They’ll tell you that without a doubt, the cheaper ones that aren’t made with bio-available nutrients… you might as well be flushing your money down the toilet because your body never digests what it was that you wanted to get in…

And I think sometimes we settle for cheap spiritual vitamins.

We spend our time consuming secular inspirational quotes that actually don’t do anything for us, because our souls weren’t designed to run on those.

Or- we go through the spiritual drive-through and order some encouragement (maybe that’s a daily devotional, a Sunday sermon, or even the encouragement I give here… not that they’re bad, they’re good, it’s just they were only meant to be snacks. Appetizers. Something to whet your appetite for the BIG meals. Which are the times that you spend, digging into God’s word, hungrily consuming chapter upon chapter because you’re hungry for it…you’ve tasted and seen that the “snacks” are good, and satisfying to your soul, and you want MORE.)

The problem with relying on fast-food faith messages is that…if we are in such a hurry, chances are we often don’t even remember to consume and enjoy the full message… we take a few drinks to wet the dry mouth, a few bites to make our soul stop it’s grumbling, and then go right back at it, as if that’s enough.

God didn’t want us just not starving.

He wanted us FULL, overflowing with the Word!

Today I challenge you (and as I do so, I remind myself)- to take a moment to be still as you consume the Word today.

Slow down and remember to eat.

A “home cooked meal” (right from your Bible) is best.

(Yes- I, a blog writer, am telling you this. It’s infinitely better to read your Bible than to read my words or anyone else’s. Just like it’s better to actually travel than to travel vicariously through someone else’s shared experiences. Those are cool too, but they just can’t compare to direct experience.)

But even if for today, just a snack – just this blog- is all you’re able to get to…

Sit with it.

Savor it.

Digest it.

Let it soothe your hunger and thirst,

and nourish your soul.

Let me do my best to give you value…the good quality stuff: Truth.

God loves you.

He wants to feed you.

He wants you to be well.

The best self care in the world is to soak that in, and allow His Word to minister to you, which really means to meet your needs… to nourish and soothe your soul. To fulfill your hungry and thirsty areas, and make you more than full. ❤️

{It’s only from overflowing with Him that we have anything worth sharing. And His supply is unlimited so as long as we will take the time to go gather it, there’s always enough!}

Deuteronomy 8:3 – “And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.”

Isaiah 55- “Is anyone thirsty? Come and drink— even if you have no money! Come, take your choice of wine or milk— it’s all free! Why spend your money on food that does not give you strength? Why pay for food that does you no good? Listen to me, and you will eat what is good. You will enjoy the finest food. “Come to me with your ears wide open. Listen, and you will find life. I will make an everlasting covenant with you. I will give you all the unfailing love I promised to David. See how I used him to display my power among the peoples. I made him a leader among the nations. You also will command nations you do not know, and peoples unknown to you will come running to obey, because I, the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, have made you glorious.” Seek the Lord while you can find him. Call on him now while he is near. Let the wicked change their ways and banish the very thought of doing wrong. Let them turn to the Lord that he may have mercy on them. Yes, turn to our God, for he will forgive generously. “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. “The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth. They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry. It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.”

Consuming the Word of Christ is consuming the most high-quality of soul-vitamins. The only kind, in fact, that will actually benefit our souls. The only kind with a guarantee from the God of the universe- that if we will actually sit down and consume it, WILL produce something wonderful in us. He guarantees it won’t be just time and effort, flushed down the toilet.

BUT- just like food,

we HAVE to consume it.

And KEEP consuming it!

Our faith needs fed forever.

I hope this message fills you for a moment, and inspires you to go to Him for more.

This weekend our family has been under the weather and stuck in the house, but God hasn’t let it stop us from doing the things He had for us to do.

So even though our bodies felt crappy, yesterday our minds felt well enough that we were able to record a whole week’s worth of encouragement podcasts so that we are ahead and not feeling behind this season!

But this morning about 4 am, my husband and oldest son both woke up with fevers. And when someone in my house isn’t feeling well, I’m usually the momma who can’t sleep.

Sometimes I’ll worry and sometimes I’ll scroll.

But neither of those ever help, and so awhile back God showed me a better way to use that sleepless time instead!

He told me that whenever the enemy tries to interrupt his sleep, I should turn it right around on him and interrupt his plans.

Which means, if he tries to use worry to keep me awake, instead of giving him the pleasure of falling for that trap, and focusing on any out-of-control, insecure feelings — I can choose to use that “bonus” awake time to sing God’s praises and declare my gratitude for His goodness- that even when I don’t FEEL secure, He has me secured. And that even when I don’t have control over my situations, God has got me.

He’s got the entire world in His hands. Nothing is ever out of his control. And I don’t have to be able to handle anything alone- when I hand it to Him.

Or- if I’m not feeling well, and the enemy wants me to be whining, I can choose to worship instead. I can thank God for all the times when I have felt well, and praise Him that this moment is the exception, not the norm. I can PRE-praise him for the healing, that I can see coming, by faith. And He says that’s how we properly PRE-pare the way for Him to come into our situations and work His miracles! And it also helps us to wait better, when we worship. It’s gets our minds off of our feelings and onto Him.

James 4:7 says- “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

It’s true.

Not that every sleepless night is the enemy’s doing.

Sometimes it’s my bladder that wakes me up. 😆

Or sometimes God stirs me, to get up for some quiet time or intercession with Him.

But when it is the enemy, I know, because what he’s wanting from me is whining and worry, and for me to believe that I’m going to be drained the next day- so that I dread it.

And that trick used to work, before God let me in on His solution.

When that happens- I now resist him,

and it looks like this

worship

instead of whining,

declaring and digging into faith

instead of worrying,

and KNOWING-

that when I rely on God as my source of energy,

no matter if I had ten hours of sleep or was only able to rest for two on a particular night,

it will be enough

because HE will make it enough.

He is more than able to get me through,

AND not just get me through, but put me in a good mood!

And today I just wanted to share that warfare tactic with you. ⚔️

Walking by faith isn’t always comfortable.

It doesn’t at all feel natural.

Dare I say? It can be downright awful-
if we are focusing on the l•a•c•k of sight.

When the promise we are having faith for –
and whether or not we will receive it /
when we will receive it –
has an impact upon every other area of life…
the pressure of the desert
(the in-between Egypt and the Promised Land)
can be parching.

Somehow, even if we just had a “drink”,
we can feel desperate,
because we KNOW that out here- in this place-
we could not get another for ourself
even if we wanted to.
It’s all in God’s hands.
And our flesh doesn’t like being starved of power and control like that.

But on the flip-side of this we must remember-
When WE become less able to control,
it helps us SEE the NEED for Him and His help.

When we think we have it all figured out ourselves,
we don’t usually see the need to pray about direction. We just keep doing what we are doing.

So when God wants to change our direction, our location, what is often required first?
The removal of the “I got this” illusion.

When we are in a season like this-
disorientation is inevitable.

But the choice about how to
re-orient, re-position, re-secure
Is intentional.

We can
run back
run away / escape
because change is just too uncomfortable

Or- if we believe His promises
that where He is taking us is better –
closer to Him-
we can escape the pain
of the parching desert in-between-period
by running into His arms.

Having our thirst, our spiritual unrest,
met in His presence.

Letting him assure us – as often as needed-
that HE is still in control.

That even if we don’t know
where we are going together,
or how we will get there,
or when we will arrive…HE knows.

And we can be made glad and satisfied,
satiated even-
by his presence, not by our progress.

We can’t let what we see make us forget what He said.

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Let me give you a few personal examples of this

1️⃣ When we were praying for baby number 3.
God knows everything beginning to end.
I will never understand this side of heaven- and maybe not even when I get there- the whys and hows and losses in all of our waiting, all of our back and forth I want another or I’m afraid to have another or I’m afraid to want another because I don’t know if I can handle heartbreak again.

All I know is that at one point the discomfort of the decision on whether to open ourselves up to having a third baby or not grew so intense that I begged God to just take that decision from me. And I couldn’t- no matter how I tried or prayed or begged him to take that desire away because I was afraid and I didn’t see how it was going to happen- I couldn’t find peace with making a permanent decision to be done.

Looking back, it’s the messiest story, what I went through and even some of the chaos I caused, walking by feelings and by sight in some moments, while trying my best to walk in faith.

But God is so good.
And in that waiting period,
even though I was NOT patient-
even though I sometimes escaped into works and into things like vacations which made the sights more pleasant-
God was faithful.

Through Egypt,
through the desert,
and into the promised land chapter
where my baby was placed into my hands.

That moment was pure grace,
and I cannot boast one bit about it.

Every single bit was God!

I had tried- before-to deserve it.
But the season before Callen came,
in the stillness, I resigned to trying –
to earn or be worthy of His blessing.

I told Him I could see that I probably DIDN’T deserve it. And that if his answer was no, my mind would understand, but I needed help getting my heart to let go.

But I was also willing to give up control- as much as I didn’t want to risk hurting again- so that if a miracle baby would bring Him glory- would help grow our family’s faith, would help us have a testimony that we could share, that’s what I wanted. And again- I’d need help- mind and heart both- to get through the desert and into the moment when our promise would be born.

I don’t know why human nature fights so hard.
Why do we flail around trying to secure ourselves?
Why do we think we have to handle things?
We do we think that it’s a matter of being victorious in the flesh, that decides whether or not we will get in to our promised lands?

I have a different theory now.
God takes us through the desert to die (to self).
Shocking right?

It’s not a matter of what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger- it’s a matter of, how long will we TRY to be stronger and fight his killing-of-the-flesh work? How long will it take us to surrender,
and say “I’m out, God.” “I don’t want anything more than I want you, and here you are-already here- so whatever you want me to have, give it to me for your glory- only to grow our faith and help us have a testimony to share. And whatever you don’t want us to have, just take the desire away- help our minds and our hearts grieve and let go of those dreams, and find solace and satisfaction in you.

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2️⃣ For years I’ve had hints of a vision of my husband and I working together to gather people and serve God.

Now that might not sound “impossible” to you,
but in all reality it made no sense.

First of all, I am an introvert by nature-
there was a time that I did not like small talk let alone deep talk with others. I did not like crowds. And the idea of hosting a gathering gave me hives.

There was also the fact that we had just decided since we got married so young and were so busy with life- work, kids, repeat every day- that we had no time to gather even if we wanted to. And to be honest- when it came to church, for many years, we simply didn’t want to. We felt like spending our “free day” other places.

Fast forward through all our infertility issues, and my faith walk through leaving a regular job to work a commission-based job at home, and I had grown a real relationship with Jesus- out of necessity. Both of those were deserts and “drinks” were fewer and farther between than I needed, and in order to get through – literally- I had to call upon Him for help. When Callen was born, I was so grateful and so in awe of how possible the impossible is for HIM, that I no longer cared so much about any other dream- I only wanted to go where He wanted me to go and share His glory wherever that is.

But my hubby wasn’t there just yet.
And I’ll be honest- the next steps God brought us through were incredibly messy and risky. Me leaving even that commission job (which put more work stress on my husband), but being guided by God to take more time for Brett (which is his love language)- and I won’t pretend at all to understand it but perhaps this helped him see that being filled in love can cover up alot of icky emotions like anxiety.

But-and here’s the part where it could have gone very wrong- God brought us to a place where either the relationship was going to die, or we- as individuals- fighting for our own visions were.

I asked God to help me love Brett enough, to give him my time, even when I didn’t feel loved because he wasn’t speaking my love language (words of affirmation)…

If you’re fighting for your marriage,
this is what you have to ask of God—
the ability to give grace
(what we view as undeserved favor)
and unconditional love and respect
(meaning whether it’s reciprocated or not)— because on our own WE CANNOT.

And it’s at this very “I just can’t anymore, I don’t have one bit left” point- where most will call it quits.

But when we call upon God instead, even though it doesn’t make it easy, HE makes extending grace and unconditional love possible.

And that is what changes people, changes relationships… but not overnight.

It’s kind of like a pregnancy,
it’s a process,
the birth of a new relationship.

And not knowing this-
Expecting things to change overnight,
or in a month even,
is what sets many up for failure too.

I saw something once that suggested however long we had been struggling on our own, we need to commit to giving unconditional love with God’s help for AT LEAST that long, before we even consider throwing in the towel. Which meant- at that point in my marriage- committing to FIFTEEN YEARS- “Even if it takes FIFTEEN YEARS, God, of me spending time with Brett even when he doesn’t affirm me or want to talk about what I want to talk about (which is You)… I’ll keep trusting you.”

Thank God it didn’t take 15 years! It took less than one. But it was insanely hard. It would’ve been impossible without daily and momentary filling in Him, because I felt emptied of myself more than I can even share.

But- just like my pregnancy with C,
the moment I saw my husband in the “delivery room”- receiving the Holy Spirit and getting freed from things that had been killing his soul, it was ALL worth it!

And just like a baby, a toddler, doesn’t come without challenges, and changes other areas of life in ways you couldn’t have anticipated but is also full of JOY and every bit WORTH IT, that’s what this new life is like too.

Not a once-and-forever filled, but a daily commitment. A daily blessing AND a daily requirement to die to our own “individual” selves.

After C was born I wanted to shout from the rooftops- “Don’t buy the lie that you have to give up if you’ve been trying for years…or that continuing to try will be easy…but know that God is REAL and GOOD and can do the impossible and when He does, deserves 100% of the glory!

After my husband was delivered it has been the same! Seeing Him freed has been even better than being freed myself, and it’s also freeing me -as part of a couple too- to now believe for God’s together-plans for us.

And even though that is also a process, and our flesh is trying to figure out what His next step for us is, and make sense of it, and yet we can’t, because in the natural none of it makes sense— we are remembering his past goodness and asking Him to help us cling on His promises more tightly than our own “right” to set our plans.

He has already shown us that HIS plans for us were always much better than our own, in the past, and by faith and His Presence, in the present- we will keep surrendering with His help-until we can SEE everything He has spoken.

Don’t buy the lie that “dead marriage” has to mean DONE, friends, or that it’s out of His hands. Place your dead marriage in His hands and ask Him to do what only He can do – resurrect! And help you cooperate, even when that feels like dying to yourself. Because – just like childbirth is painful – in the long run, it is infinitely more than worth it!

ALL • OUR • NEEDS

How often do we consider that this covers not just finances? Not just food, clothing, shelter, but also our deeper needs.

Have you ever thought to yourself

“I just NEED someone to read my mind…to read my heart…to tell me why it is I’m feeling anxious, or down…”

“I just NEED a pick-me-up…”

“I just NEED to know that somebody cares about me… that I matter…”

“I just NEED a pause. A healthy escape. In the midst of the chaos. In the middle of the wait. In the middle of the feelings- whether those be grief, fear, uncertainty, whatever.”

“I just NEED a translator. Someone who knows my husband’s (or friend’s, or parent’s, or children’s , or anyone’s) heart, even better than I do, and knows my heart, even better than they do- and is never hindered by miscommunication. Always unites and never divides. Always believes the best and never assumes the worst. And helps us to do the same for one another, when we take the time to consult him instead of handling things on our own.”

God has taken care of me in ALL of these ways, more times than I can count. I depend on Him to.

“And this same God who takes care of me will supply all YOUR needs from His glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.”- Phil. 4:19

All you have to do is ask Him.

We don’t need a psychic. (God knows what our future holds AND He is the One who is holding our future, present, and past in His hands. He also knows what we need to know and when we need to know it. Sometimes we need to know what’s weighing us down so we can let go of it, and sometimes we need to be reminded to let go of the need to diagnose the reason for our feelings of emptiness, and simply to ask Him to fill us with Himself, no matter what the cause. He’s a one-God fits ALL. )

We don’t need to keep hunting for a perfect mate or perfect friend who will ALWAYS be able to drop everything 24/7 to be there for us. (Even if they wanted to, they won’t always be ABLE to. Only God himself can be at all places at all times. Only He can know our deepest needs and fulfill them completely, and heal our deepest hurts, instead of just temporarily plugging the holes.)

We don’t need more self-care,
or to be able to always “pick ourselves up”
with a pedicure, or a coffee, or a pep talk or anything else… (Does self-anything feel better? I’d venture to say no. Scratching your own back…giving yourself a shoulder massage… treating yourself, none of that is better than having your back scratched, having your shoulders massaged, being surprised by someone thoughtful… God is always doing wonderful things for us. We just have to open our eyes to see that it truly is Him behind any good gift. – “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” -James‬ ‭1:17‬ ‭NIV‬‬)

We don’t have to wonder if we matter, if anyone cares…God has already told us over and over and over in His Word that we matter to Him, that He cares so much for us He sent His Son to die so that we could live together forever.

We don’t need a smoke break, a coffee break, a glass of wine, a joint, a shopping spree, a vacation, or any other escape to numb us in the chaos, the waiting, the feelings, the grief, the fear, the uncertainty… we need a moment with Him. Laying down our sin and our “secrets” (which are not secrets because He knows everything) and our baggage and our rights to do just whatever we want, is so worth the relief that is found in Him. His presence is better than any pain-killer, any anxiety or depression medicine, any thing or experience money can buy. And being addicted to Jesus doesn’t take anything away from our relationships- it enhances them, since He teaches us how to serve others over self.

We will never fully understand ourselves. Why we are the way we are about some things. Every intricate factor that led to forming our unique and quirky personalities, likes and dislikes. And if we cannot even understand ourselves- how can we hope to understand someone else, or be understood by them, perfectly? We can’t. But GOD can. He is the only capable and available 24/7 translator. So- if we get our feelings hurt at 11 pm on a Tuesday, or 5 am on a Sunday, or literally any hour of any day- we don’t have to see if our friend is showing active in messenger so we have someone to talk to. He’s just a prayer away. We don’t even have to pick up a phone. How can our wanting-instant-access selves not be giddy excited about that?! Why do we scroll and sulk and message others first and make the problem bigger? Why don’t we simply ask God to help us forgive, and help us be forgiven? (I have so much room still to grow in this area…)

Oh, if we only could grasp-

Really grasp-

The richness of the need-meeting relationship
that Jesus offers us with God,
through the Holy Spirit…

I believe it would eliminate so, so many other needs that we think we have.

There’s a secular song by Vertical Horizon that came to mind just now and I wonder how often it reflects the words of the Father to some…

“I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don’t know why
And I don’t know why…”

If you have not begun to come to Him for ALL your needs, it’s a great time to ask yourself – “Why not?” ❤️

This is the time of year, when many of us are ready for a fresh start!

We set our minds on where we want to be,
where we believe-with some effort-
we can be, by the end of the next year,
and that gives us hope for the future!
And hope gets us out of bed and moving.

But our bodies are still here – in today-
and that can be frustrating, can’t it?

Maybe you are believing for a fitter body,
and yet right now- you’re still here, in an out-of-shape state, and it’s HARD to get started. It’s HARD to say yes to the workout, and no to the sugar. It’s HARD to expend the energy in the gym before you even feel like you have it. It’s hard because you don’t know if it’ll even work.

Maybe you are believing for a better relationship with your spouse, and yet right now- you’re still here, in the place where you feel so alone, like you’ve grown apart, and you don’t know how to get knit back together. And you’re ready to put the work in, but you’re praying it’s reciprocated, and you’re not sure how you’ll handle it if it’s not. It’s HARD because you don’t know if your effort will even make a difference.

Maybe you’re believing that, by the end of the year, you’ll be in a better financial position. But right now- in the nitty gritty- in the saying no to some things you want, and yes to cooking at home when you’re tired instead of eating out, it’s HARD.

Whatever it is you’re believing for, can I make a suggestion? It’s the same advice that God himself had to give me today:

Remember that THIS-
TODAY-
(not just that future “some day”)
is also the day
that the Lord has made.

CHOOSE to rejoice-
(feel or show great joy or delight)
and be glad in it!

See, when we set our hearts on a goal-
even a good one-
we can tend to defer our joy to the future,
when we cross those finish lines.

Except the trouble is-
that here on Earth we never will get to see absolute perfection, and yet our souls are wired for that in our Heavenly home.

So one goal becomes another and another and another, and joy gets pushed further and further out.

It eludes us. (We fail to grasp it!)

And the enemy loves that.

He loves when people set their minds on a goal and believe for it to be their place of joy instead of Jesus, because he knows that goals keep moving.

But Jesus? He is always right here. And we can always access Him. In the future, and also in the present. We can learn to tune into the Holy Spirit. We can learn to enter into His presence, palpably, through thanksgiving and praise.

And we don’t have to wait until we hit some goal to be thankful! He has already given us so much to be thankful for, and He is even willing to help us bring those things to mind if we are having trouble recalling them. All we have to do is ask!

Remember how we said above that rejoicing means to feel or show great delight or joy?

Sometimes we just don’t feel it.

Sometimes we have to choose to show it, in prayer, FIRST.

And that is NOT faking it.

It’s “faithing it.”

It’s humbly admitting- I can’t.

I can’t feel grateful in this moment,
(if it’s a hard one),
but I’m coming to you for help, God.

I can’t feel glad in this moment,
(if I’m experiencing depression, even if it looks like I have plenty to be thankful for, I can’t feel it and I’m frustrated because I don’t know why)…
but I’m sacrificing words of praise, even in the pain, and I’m asking you to accept that humble sacrifice and show up in a real way in my heart today, God, bringing your Joy along with you! ☀️

〰️〰️
No matter what our circumstances…
No matter where we are at on the progress line towards any goal…
Or even if we have moved backwards on it…
JOY can always be found in Jesus.

Thank you is the password into the awareness of His presence. (I say the awareness of, because He is everywhere, but it’s our conscious awareness that He is everywhere with us, that can bring us joy.)

And since thank you can be whispered anywhere we are at, we can be aware of His presence always- and when we are aware of His presence- in the middle of ALL our moments- the magical, the mundane, and even the challenging – we suddenly can see so much MORE to be thankful for.

Today God had to renew my mind and get me out of my old tendency to defer my joy and hope.

He had to remind me that the joy of the LORD is my strength! (The joy found in that together-place.)
-Nehemiah 8:10

He had to bring up a song from my childhood, a catchy tune to get stuck in my head which is a good one for me to not be able to forget.

🎶 This is the day (This is the day)
That the Lord has made (That the Lord has made)
I will rejoice (I will rejoice)
And be glad in it! (And be glad in it!)
This is the day that the Lord has made!
I will rejoice and be glad in it!
This is the day. This is the day,
that the Lord has made. 🎶

THIS is the day.
THIS is the moment.
(And the next one will be too.)
Where JOY will be found.
(If we remember to look in the Lord.)
ANY MOMENT can be the fresh start,
fresh breath, peaceful place we are looking for!

Our society talks a lot about
Health Awarness causes,
Mental Health Awareness,
but God has put another form of awareness on my heart to share about this year:

Marital Health Awarness, ❤️
Relationship Health Awareness.

Relationships and marriages often get neglected,
but I would dare to say that if we took better care of maintaining our connection, our mental health would certainly benefit, and we may even see improvement in our physical health. Strained relationships cause anxiety, and anxiety causes weakened immune systems and bodily stress.

A few years ago, my marriage had a “cancer”,
and it was malignant.

It was called selfishness.

I had my dreams and plans and desires.
He had His.
Our differences initially attracted one another.
And our similarities overlapped just enough to knit us together.
Until the things that we liked that were different started getting more of us, and the seam began to be ripped apart by our self-focus.

At times we were happy,
and at times we were at war.
There were alot of screaming battles,
and there was some stomping off and giving the silent treatment, some secluding ourselves from one another,
and that tended to happen when one of us pulled too far from the center of what we had in common.

I’m thankful for the kids God gave us,
just for who they are of course,
but also they’re what He used to keep us together,
before we both had the love of Him in common,
which is the best seam to have in between,
keeping a couple from being ripped apart.

We don’t tend to think to think of relationships coming down with physical diseases or mental health issues, like we understand that individuals do.

I never thought of it that way, until God showed me that analogy just now.

My heart literally has been breaking over all of the homes I’ve seen split apart. 💔 We could have easily been one of them.

People look at us and think that our relationship is perfect.

I try to keep it real, so that others can relate.

There is NO such thing as a perfect marriage.

How do I know?

I’ve talked to a lot of people who I thought had one.

And also- because a marriage is just an imperfect man, and an imperfect woman… living in an imperfect (and at the present time- very stressful) world, and most of the time sharing a home with imperfect kids, being a part of imperfect extended families and friend groups and even church families, and working with other imperfect people, dealing with imperfect people in the world.

Only ONE person was ever perfect. (Jesus.)

I’ve been silent on this subject for quite awhile.
But I’ve kinda had it.
I’m kind of fed up, with the enemy and his tearing homes apart.

I’m kinda fed up with him feeding lies to men and women…

making them believe that it’s their spouse’s job to “complete them”,

making them wonder if “the grass is greener” in other pastures,

keeping them so distracted in their own pursuits that they stop pursuing their spouse’s heart, and never learn to pursue God and discover His love for them and the fact that He has been pursuing THEM all along.

I’m so mad at the enemy for the number of times he tried to use my husband and I’s male-female differences to make us think that something was wrong with the other, because we just didn’t KNOW that those were men/women things. We though they were just OUR issues.

And I’m so thankful for God leading us into a marriage class at church, and teachings by Jimmy Evans and others on the topic.

I’m so thankful to have learned, after 15 years of marriage, about the love/respect difference, and about love languages.

And mostly I’m thankful that even though we still can ruffle each other’s feathers… even though we sometimes forget to speak each other’s love languages…even though sometimes I mess up and act disrespectful to my husband, and even though sometimes he messes up and acts unloving towards me…God is helping us take offense less easily, because we understand it’s not intentional. And because even if it were intentional, when we take it to Jesus and let Him fill us with His own love and respect through the Holy Spirit, He fills us so full that we CAN forgive because we aren’t so freshly hurting anymore. His love heals. And He enables us to forgive, as He reminds us of the lengths He went to, to purchase our forgiveness with the Father. ✝️

For years I’ve shared my life like an open book,
and at first that was very uncomfortable but it has become more natural.

But this year God is asking me to go out of my comfort zone again – and get into others’ lives.

And I don’t mean that as in meddling.
I don’t mean that as in preaching.
I mean that as in sharing- what (WHO) saved our marriage-
and urging them to seek out that that same “treatment”! That same Healer!

God can heal anything.
He can restore.

I’ve seen drug addicts freed.
I’ve seen cancer eradicated.
I’ve seen and experienced infertility made fertile.
I’ve seen relationships that were toxic made better than ever before.

But He doesn’t usually just do it.
Just like at a doctor’s, we must walk in the door, we must give consent, we must cooperate with the “treatment plan”, whatever He tells us to do, like leaning in, in love, when we want to pull away on offense.

I’m excited for 2022,
not because it’s a new year,
but because I believe God is going to be opening people’s eyes to Him like never before.

I believe we are going to see roots and hearts healed, relationships restored, and people learning to walk in a peace and love and joy better than they’ve ever known was possible before!

I’m speaking life over all the death I see around me.

I declare the war-faring for families is NOT done.

I declare that as people take GOD back into their hearts as the true Lord & leader of their lives,
He will do what He said He will do!

In John 10:10, Jesus says “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full!”

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, for he has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free, and that the time of the Lord’s favor has come.”
‭‭Luke‬ ‭4:18-19‬ ‭NLT‬‬

It’s already COME.
I can’t wait to see who will apply it and be healed!

Sometimes life is hard, sometimes life is good.

But God is good all the time.

ALL the time, GOD is so good!

Even better than a new year,
an annually cleaned slate,
a fresh new season of renewed resolution
and dared-to-drag-back-out dreams…
is this:

That EACH morning, His mercies are new!
EACH moment, He is there for the helping,
and the helping back up
when we inevitably fall and fail.

Most resolutions make it a month, maybe a few.

The more we fail at them, the less resolute we become.

Willpower just isn’t enough.

But His power in us always is.
We just have to remember to ask for it.

Imperfection and disappointment have their way of making themselves into each day, because this side of heaven we are not perfect, we are still in progress. And so is everyone else in this world. And the things of this world are fading.

1 John 2:17 says “This world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever.”

What pleases Him?
That we love Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. And that we love others as ourselves. Not just a held-in-our hearts love, but a love expressed in out-loud words, acted-out actions.

He knows we won’t be able to do this perfectly.
Loving is simultaneously the simplest and hardest thing in the universe to do, I think.

It’s simple and wonderful to love (both in feelings and in actions) someone in response to how they’ve shown us love. Or- someone new that has not yet disappointed us or shown us their imperfections.

It’s hard to feel love, and nearly impossible on our own to demonstrate love to someone who is not making us feel loved in that particular moment. Or to someone who has disappointed us over and over and over.

But that’s what grace is.
And grace, by definition,
(u•n•d•e•s•e•r•v•e•d favor)
wouldn’t be grace if we deserved it.

It’s seeing God’s grace towards us,
and embracing it with gratitude and faith
that saves us.

Ephesians 2:8- “For by grace (we) have been saved through faith. And this is not (our) own doing; it is the gift of God.”

I would dare to say, that in relationships,
grace is also what saves.

(Have you ever had someone treat you kindly when you KNOW that you didn’t deserve it? Have you ever had someone love you when you were being very unlovely? It’s pretty powerful isn’t it?)

And a faith that- even if they’re not acting like it at the moment- that at their core, the other is good and worthy of love.

But trying to extend grace without God’s help is so hard. Willpower may last for awhile, but always falls short. And trying makes us uptight.

But dying to self-
as painful as that sounds-
actually makes it easier.

Sacrificing our right to be upset,

refusing to rehearse our side of the story in our mind and clutter our hearts with those emotions,

it’s so freeing!

Taking the situations to God and asking Him to encourage us in our spirits,

to fill us freshly with HIS love first,

so we can act from fullness and not from the emptiness that the situation or the other person has made us feel…

and so we can love freely, grace-fully, without expectation to receive a reciprocated fullness from them…

it’s the secret.

To re-receive His grace,
Seeing that He loves us despite all our mistakes and messy feelings- even in these particular moments-

and then go out, healed,
and extend that grace
which has the power to heal relationships.

The grace that loves and leans in FIRST,
not waiting for the other to apologize or act.

The grace that refuses to harden our hearts towards someone, even if it feels like that would protect us.

The grace that stays soft- and when it can’t, when it has done everything in its own power to love and forgive and has reached the very end of self, the grace that loves so much that it reaches BEYOND itself to ask God for more capacity to give.

It’s the most beautifully transforming thing to receive this rare kind of love and grace.

It’s the most impossible in self thing to give it out. But with God, in going to God and simply asking Him to walk us through it – all things are (not easy, but) possible!

〰️〰️〰️

Above any goals this year, I pray that we embrace the grace of God, and that we go to Him each time we need help extending it! 💗

Grace, I really believe, has the power not only to transform us but to change the world. {Or at least our small circles – our marriages, our families, our extended families, our church families, our workplaces – where we decide to extend it.} 🌎

I was scrolling my Facebook “on this day” memories just now, trying to wake up my eyes for THIS day, when I came across this one from four years ago.

At the time, I shared no words with it.
First of all- I had no words then.
I had no hope of my own.

What I had was this persistent desire to have another baby, that try as I might I couldn’t get to go away, and yet every time we tried for another-
and got pregnant-
the pregnancies would fail.
We had lost 5 trying.
And my hope of another was GONE.
My ability to get my hopes up just done.

When I lost the last baby, the 5th one,
many people were there to comfort me.
But nobody dared say the words “try again”.
I don’t know if I would have said them to me either.
But I never will forget one of my friend’s words in the comments of the post I shared about having lost our baby.

She said something like “I’m so sorry, Daylene, my heart is broken for you. I’ll be praying for you when the time is right and you decide to try again.”

{Paraphrasing here because it’s been a lot of years, and because I don’t remember exactly to the T what she said- but I never will forget how it made me feel.}

The first thought that crossed my mind was “Bless your heart, honey, I’m not sure why on Earth you think I’d put my heart on the line again. Enough is enough. You must think I’m strong, but I can’t take one more. I have tried everything now. I can’t muster up one more ounce of hope. I’m just going to focus on the two I have, count my blessings, let go of my losses, and be done.”

Most seemed to agree with those sentiments.
2 is a blessing.
5 is a lot of losses.
Protect that heart,
put those dreams away in a drawer.

As a mother who has had so many losses,
one thing I usually advise others is not to comment in those kinds of ways to a bereaved parent.

It doesn’t matter how many children she already has, it doesn’t matter how far along her pregnancy was, it doesn’t matter if the baby was planned or a surprise… none of that matters to a grieving heart, and your trying to make sense of it or make light of it to her doesn’t help. And sometimes it causes more hurt.

So normally I steer clear of any comments besides “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“My heart hurts for you.” (It always does.)
“I will be praying for you.” (I do.)

I would also tell people that the fact that they comment— (again, a simple “my heart is aching for you” will do, or “I’m praying for you” (if you genuinely are)— or put a care symbol on the grief post)—DOES matter. The person might not respond, but they see it. To a mother of miscarriage, most times there is no funeral. So a post sort of takes the place of one. It’s how she’s expressing her loss to the world, mourning the dreams that have died along with her baby, and it’s an opportunity to express your condolences and support of her.
Doing so — even while understanding that she may not be ready for actual visitors, and she may not even be ready to carrry on a conversation via text or messenger- helps her know she is not alone. That it mattered to more than just her. That she matters. I cannot understate this for those who have not gone through it. It’s just as important to say SOMETHING simple and thoughtful, react in some (sensitive) way, as it is not to try to figure it out for her or say something stupid and insensitive.

I myself would typically not use the words “next time” or talk about trying again, in the comments of someone’s post about having lost a baby.

But on that day, my friend Kara gave me a gift.

Permission to hope again.

Affirmation that even if the rest of the whole world might think I was crazy, even if I thought it was too risky, at least one person would be on my side should I decide to go that route and risk heartbreak yet again- in pursuit of this promise I could feel, against all logic, in my soul.

I tucked that hope away for awhile.
I didn’t throw it away,
but I wasn’t ready to take it out just yet.

Later, 4 years ago on this day, I pulled it out.

It was time to put it back on.

And that’s when I truly learned
that hope doesn’t have to be something of our own
that we muster up.

{Hope has a name and it is Jesus.}

Hope doesn’t have to FEEL like confidence.

{In fact, when you decide to let Jesus take the wheel and you allow yourself to be vulnerable in believing for something He is showing you, that is in total opposition to what the natural shows is possible… it feels like fear. The opposite of self-confidence. It’s 100% placing your heart in God’s hands. It’s risking your heart.}

But this morning, as I’m seeing this message again,
“When the world says ‘Give up”
Hope whispers ‘Try it one more time”,
I’m so glad that I did.

(More accurately I’m glad I allowed Jesus to place His hope inside of me, when I had absolutely zero of my own left.)

Because the almost-three-year old boy laying next to me, in the middle of me and his dad, is the result of that “trusting again.”

And as much – back then- as I almost couldn’t bear to think about losing one more pregnancy,
putting myself in a position to grieve again if it went wrong,

Now- God has erased all of that pain from my heart.

He helped me get through by positioning myself in praise my entire pregnancy with him.

And he helped me see- like REALLY see-
that every day
with baby C and my other 2
is a GIFT from Him.

Even the Hope itself- that was a gift. ❤️

And this morning He encouraged me-
“Don’t be afraid to encourage someone else with it.” “Imagine if your friend didn’t.”

Ever get that feeling like “I need to go somewhere. Anywhere. Let’s just pack up, you call into work, and let’s drive?”

I used to get that all • the • time.

And every time I’d get it, I would spend hours and sometimes days googling vacation or mini-vaca options, and then trying to make finances work so we could follow that feeling and get out of dodge.

When it all worked out, I’d enjoy it. I really would.
But funny thing- whenever we’d get home, whatever it was that I was running from (whether I knew what it was or not), would still be there.
I had just paid to delay that feeling.

When it didn’t work out, I’d be grumpy. I really would. Like a hangry person who doesn’t mean to be angry but they have a need that hasn’t been filled, an itch that hasn’t been scratched, and it affects how they act.

It isn’t always just vacations either.
Sometimes, years ago, it used to be a trip to the mall.
Or the movies.
Or out to eat.
Or on a hike.
Just somewhere.

Somewhere to change my setting.
Something to occupy my mind.
Something to give me all feels.

It’s like a brand of claustrophobia, where I just feel like I urgently need to get out of the house.

I still get those feelings these days, sometimes.
They don’t just go away entirely when you know Jesus.

Sometimes we still get hungry and hangry-
and we think it’s for other things.
And other things might taste good,
and satisfy for a short time,
but they can cost a lot and they never last.

But Jesus?
He’s not a snack.
He’s not koolaid that leaves us thirstier.
He’s soul-water that quenches the deeper-than-flesh droughts.

And I’m learning something new, too:
Every time I ask Him to,
he helps those feelings to pass.

Instead of feeling guilty for feeling that way,
or going right to trying to take care of that need
and feed it myself,
I have been – as often as I remember- learning to go to him first.

Like a habitual over-eater learns to ask “Am I really hungry, or am I bored?”, I have been allowing Him to remind me to ask- “Am I really needing to go? Or is my Spirit prompting me to ask Him to come, consciously into my presence again?”

Today that feeling hit me again.

“I want to go somewhere, babe,” I told my husband.
Let’s go camping!
Let’s go on a hike!
Let’s load up the kids and just drive!”

“Where?” he asked?

I didn’t even know where.
Actually, half of me didn’t even know if I felt like doing any of those. But half of me was really insisting that she wanted to go SOMEWHERE.

But instead of getting out my phone and searching Facebook events, or googling feel-good places within an hour or two drive from here, or scrolling my news feed to see what everyone else was up to so I could figure out what I wanted to do- I let the Spirit scroll me instead.

“You’re wanting me, Daylene.
That’s all it is.” He said.

“A fresh filling.”

“Holiday spirit never cuts it,
though it’s a a beautiful addition to the season.

My Holy Spirit always fills, and I’m ALWAYS here.

But just because you got filled in me yesterday, and the day before, and however often you came for filling- that doesn’t mean you’re not going to hunger for me again.

You need conscious filling in ME daily, multiple times a day, always.

When I said you’ll never hunger or thirst again it didn’t mean that your flesh wouldn’t try to tell you that you’re hungry or thirsty for the things you used to associate with fullness again – it means that when you tell me that you’re hungry or thirsty (instead of running right away to get a bite or drink in the world’s way), I will fill you up with myself!

And then- if you want to go out, you go from full, not for it.

Like going to a friends house after you’ve already eaten dinner and they bring out some food and you can take it or leave it, because you’re not starved.”

So today I practiced this.
Today when I felt that antsy feeling,
that hunger to go somewhere,
instead of asking myself where I wanted to go,
I asked Him to come to me
and fill me up so that feeling would leave.
And it did!

He’s the best.

He calms the inner chaos.

When His Spirit increases in me,
it’s like it floods out any dissatisfaction that has tried to creep in.

So we cleaned up the house,
fixed lunch at home,
lounged around for a bit.

And then decided to use our Christmas money to go on a family date to the movies.

No longer because I NEEDED to,
I was good either way.

And the best part about that is when the movie was over, my satisfaction and fullness was not.

I sometimes feel really silly sharing things like this.

Wouldn’t you think I’d be more “natural” at all this by now?

Doesn’t having faith for big things mean the small things are simple?

No- it really doesn’t-
so don’t ever feel foolish for needing Him for it all.

I do.

I think I always will.

And that’s ok- He said He’s never going anywhere!