Sometimes I believe the prodigal is tempted to run again. I know this is true, actually, because the temptation came to me recently. As believers we don’t like to talk about things like this much, because they make us look weak and make us feel vulnerable. But if my weakness accentuates God’s glory and strength, then so be it. I will share. ❤️

So here is a journal entry of mine from last month, when I was in the middle of a spiritual battle, faced with the decision to fight-or-flight. Thankfully, the Lord fought for me when I finally allowed myself to simply become still. I think sometimes we need a reminder that He gives us this third option…THIS is how we fight our battles. ⤵️

“Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today…”
‭‭from Exodus‬ ‭14:13‬ ‭NIV‬‬

——————
Journal Entry:

Sometimes the prodigal is tempted to run again.

Not for the same reasons they ran the first time.

(Because they were all about self.)

(Because they thought the world held so much more pleasure and promise.)

But because they have been trying their very best and still feeling very much like they are falling short.

Because they KNOW (have experienced) the undeserved love the Father has lavished upon them and they have been trying to rise up and be worthy of it.

But they just can’t.

They just keep falling short.

And the enemy uses that to try to get them to leave.

But the Father never expected them to earn their place in the family, only to appreciate it.

He never expected them to be perfect,
He just loves that they are present with Him.

He is proud of them when they keep trying their best.

When they keep choosing to work for others’ good, to search for other lost ones with with Him.

He is proud when they keep repurposing the return party He has thrown for them, into a search party for those out there who are still unsaved,

or still hiding in pigpens hungry,

or still partying trying to fill a hunger that was never designed to be filled that way.

Those who have been trying to get all the good feelings out there, when love has been right HERE all along, and when embraced will give the feelings they’re looking for.

Returned-Prodigal, who is on the brink of running again… listen.

You are no more likely to be able to deserve God’s blessing, now that you’re back and have been for awhile…than you were when you first returned.

Just because He lets you go searching for others with him doesn’t mean He now expects perfection from you,

or for you to be ALL about service as if your self didn’t matter AT ALL.

(No, the part about loving God first is not for Him, it’s for you. God isn’t self-centered the way we are. He is absolutely pure love.)

When you seek Him first you will find every time that He loves you for YOU.

Not for what you do.

And that love empowers,
and work can be done willingly from its overflow.

He pre-pays.

And it’s not wages, it’s a gift.

So prodigal if you’re ready to run…

if you’re ready to quit because it feels like so much,

and you also hate that you feel this way

because you KNOW how much He’s given you
and you feel that you owe your all to Him…

Be still for a moment.

Remind yourself you don’t owe Him anything.

But not in a way of exerting independence like the enemy is likely tempting.
(The voice that says “Get away. Go off by yourself. Don’t accept grace and favors from anyone because you’ll owe them and you don’t have it in you to pay them back. It’s not worth it. Better to not accept it and be in their debt to begin with.”)

No- God says there IS no debt with Him,
because JESUS PAID IT!

We did owe Him.
More than we could ever pay back with our entire lives.
And that pressure was too great to bear!
So Jesus took it on for us!
That’s the essence of the Good News, isn’t it?

So free yourself from that pressure.

You don’t HAVE to work to deserve it.

No matter how much work you do,
you’ll never feel even/that debt settled if you’re trying to work it out like that.

So let’s just settle that.

You don’t need to be even.

Humbly accept your indebtedness,
and then gratefully accept that He paid it.

He doesn’t EXPECT anything of you.

And that’s hard to grasp maybe

because you expect a lot of yourself,

and of others.

When they receive grace
you expect them to be appreciative,

when they have been in the church awhile
you expect them to serve,

when they’re leaders
you expect that they’d step up
and be more excited about this stuff
than sports or hobbies or anything else…

We feel they owe him that don’t they?
They owe the body that?

But it’s not like that in His Kingdom!
They don’t OWE Him.
They don’t OWE the church.
Because Jesus already paid for their place.

A proper heart-felt response to that
WOULD be overflowing in service out of gratitude…

If that is the fruit,
then the root (His love planted in them) is healthy.

But if not, criticizing the tree for lack of fruit isn’t going to help.

We have to get to the roots.

Are they focused on works or worship?

Are they serving or attending
because they love Him,
because they are experiencing his love for them?
Or is it duty? Is it works?
(“If I do this I can feel good and even?”
In which case, their level of gratitude limits their limit of service.)

Even if our heart is right,
that we WANT to serve,
because of what He has done for us,
our level of gratitude still plays a role
in limiting our desire to serve.

So when our desire to serve is down,
increasing our gratitude is the solution.

It’s like a chemical (spiritual) reaction—
God is the constant, and He is in us.
Gratitude is the other reagent.
And service is the outcome.

God doesn’t change.
You’ll notice when someone’s service is up AND they’re joyful about it…when it’s not forced, it just flows- they also are almost always incredibly grateful.

Our desire to sit with Him is a different equation with a different set of factors.

Often, we naturally want to sit still with Him
when we feel proud of our service or behavior- because then we feel like we deserve it,
have earned it
and aren’t going to go into debt for it.

We don’t naturally like to accept charity
or grace
or favors.

Something in us
(which is maybe an honorable part
in other areas of our lives)
wants to take
only what we need
(for example, in times of distress)
or have earned.

But we have to get over that because it will dry up!
Neediness dries up. (Thank God!)
Our ability to earn dries up. (We need you, Jesus!)

I believe this is the equation.

Gratitude + God(‘s Presence) = Work.

As a prodigal, my journey started with gratitude,
which increased my awareness/soaking in
of His presence
and resulted in work.
(Not forced works, but a natural flowing.)

But as I began to focus on work,
my gratitude decreased
because I unconsciously thought
His presence was deserved,

When my gratitude (grateful attitude) decreases –
my awareness of his presence (presents) decreases,
and then my WANT-to-work naturally decreases!

So what’s the solution?

We can force ourselves to work of course,
but that is grind.

It’s adding into the equation and it’s exhausting, constantly feeding in manipulated “motivation” as a reagent.

But we don’t have to do this!

Nor do we have to decrease our commitments to serve!

The solution is to focus on what He has given us to be thankful for.

And if we can- focus less on our own desires,
less on our own work
and what we think others
should be thankful to us for,
because that competes for our mental resources and decreases our capacity for gratitude.

Put as much focus as you can into thanking Him- worship.

And work will flow naturally, wonderfully!

But it doesn’t work the other way around-
Put as much focus as you can on work and you won’t be able to feel the reaction (gratitude and His presence) and eventually you won’t be able to muster up any motivation and the work too will come to a stop.

—————
This is what God shared with me as I became still before Him.

When I paused in running myself ragged with a thousand to-do lists which were tunneling me into tasks for Him but away from quality time with Him.

Yet, as I prioritize that time with Him-
even when I don’t feel worthy of it-
even when I haven’t begun to make a dent in all the things He whispered in the quiet place that we would be doing together-
my energy returns!
His lightness in me,
His light in me
comes back!

And I am ready to run again!
WITH HIM, not away from Him!

It’s not the running that’s wrong.

It’s whether we are running away from Him
or toward!

Prodigals with the urge to run-
Turn around
And run right back toward Him!
👟 👟❤️

He’s ALWAYS ready to welcome you
(again and again and again)
and spend time with you at home.

“My grace period doesn’t end.”

That’s what Jesus said to me, in my spirit,
the other day.

It’s not the first time He has said that to me the last few years, but it’s the first time I’ve shared it.

When He repeats Himself I know I need to listen closely.

You see I used to work in the mortgage delinquency department of a bank. Often times, people would call us because they were having a hard time and needed some grace on their payments. While we couldn’t prevent their credit from being affected, we could offer them a forbearance plan where they could make half or full payments for awhile. The downside to that was that usually at the end of the forbearance period, we would have to set them up on a repayment plan- which is where they make their payment PLUS some, so that they’re fully caught up in 6 – 12 months.

I had always been a pretty aggressive “earner” in my younger adult years. I didn’t know how to rest. I would take books with me everywhere until my degree was finished. After that, I would always be trying to figure out how to take my career to the next level, even though I switched jobs a lot and never really felt like I had found out what my career was supposed to be. Eventually I didn’t really care what I did anymore, I just wanted to succeed and I ran really hard, skipped a lot of sleep to be able to do that. But the cost was really high to my soul and my body. And I remember getting to the point where my spirit felt bankrupt, and I cried out to God for a forbearance period.

“I just need a season where I can be still, and rest a little. PLEASSSSE.”

And He gave it to me.

This has happened twice.

It happened the first time, about 4 years ago, right before I got pregnant with our miracle rainbow baby.

And it’s been happening cyclically since 2020, after my baby became mobile, COVID made life messier, and I felt called to go beyond (meaning out of) the life of daydreaming and digging deep for goals, that I had been living in…

In these seasons I enjoyed stillness and soaking up time with Him like no other. I even found myself wanting to work in a new way, flowing from fullness instead of out of a sense of indebtedness or from an emptiness that I wanted to fill.

But there was also this resistance within me that didn’t trust it. Didn’t believe this grace was really free.

I saw it more like a forbearance- (defined as the action of refraining from exercising a legal right, especially enforcing the payment of a debt.)

Forbearance, in the context of a mortgage process, is a special agreement between the lender and the borrower to delay a foreclosure. The literal meaning of forbearance is “holding back”. This is also referred to as mortgage moratorium- a legal authorization to debtors to postpone payment.

What happened then, both times, and what I still find happening now even when I take just a day of rest with God, is that my flesh fights it.

As soon as that rest period is over, I run back into frenzied activity as if I have to make up for “lost time.” As if I now owe a debt, that I have to pay back with interest.

And I don’t think that this is just me.
I think many Christians tend to fall into this trap, in one way or another.

Embracing grace initially, maybe for a moment, or a week, month, or season. And then buying the lie that the “honeymoon is over”. The “grace period” is up. And we have to get back to the grind again. And extra hard, to make up for the “missed time.”

The more I repeat this cycle, the quicker I recognize the collapsing feeling that follows the sprint-to-catch-up. Which is good, because it’s not until I feel tired that I realize I ran on ahead of my Jesus and began missing Him.

This month He has been calling me back into deeper quiet times with Him, which I love, but my flesh has been fighting it again.

I’m afraid of “missed time” I guess, because even though I’m serving a lot at home and in other ways, I feel like I should be doing more to contribute to our finances during this season of high inflation and gas prices. And the fact that I’m not often plagues me with guilt and invites me to be afraid about our future.

I’ve been asking Him if it’s time for me to add something else on. (If the forbearance is done and my debt is due.) Or if I missed something and heard him wrong, if I’m messing His plan for me and our family up somehow.

I don’t like wasting things.
And especially a thing as precious as time!

But I love the way He speaks.

So this is what happened next, after I asked him again about this. (And more urgently. Like God I need to hear you now on this! I’m feeling ultra needy of some guidance.)

I pick up a shirt my husband had been given at work, that he said I could have because it didn’t fit him right.

I toss it on because I was running behind on laundry and it was time to go pick up my nephew from preschool.

And as I do, I notice the sleeve of this shirt. What does it say?

“No lost time.”

It was, of course, referring to the fact that in 2021 at my husband’s work place there were no accidents which had caused lost productive time to the place. That’s why they had given him this shirt.

But God had other plans for it, as simple of a thing as it was.

He uses everything around Him to speak.

I know because He has done it time and time again.

It’s like an extra-rich language you might miss if you’re not listening for it, but when you’re tuned in you can’t NOT hear and see what He’s saying to you.

“No lost time.”

I read the words and they echoed in my spirit.

“I don’t let anything go to waste, Daylene.

Especially not time.

Not even when you think
you’ve surely wasted it.

I’m always using those seasons for something.

Shaping you, somehow.

Speaking to you, always.

You don’t have to worry about messing life up.

I am the potter, you are the clay.

I am the lover and you are the beloved.

Just be loved.

Soak it in. Day after day after day.

It’s not wasted time.

It’s that time together
that will most certainly transform you.

Your soul longs for the culmination of this transformation.

But it’s not instantaneous,
it happens over a lifetime.

Believe me that I know what I’m doing.

I’m never early or late.

Also know that I am not
awaiting some future-version of you,
to lavish my love upon.

As if when you’re more ( fill in the blank )
or when you feel more (fill in the blank ),
I will love you more.

No. That’s how the world works maybe, but now how I do.

I’ll love you then, and I also love you just as much right now. And I loved you before you were even born. I hung on that cross for you.

I need you to take that, personally, and dwell on it whenever the enemy would have you forget or not feel it.

It’ll bring you right back to me.

Back to the place where you remember I said that your debt has FOREVER been PAID.

No “rent due”.

No works REQUIRED.

No end-of-the-grace-period.

No need to set up on a repayment plan.

I don’t want you to try to pay me back.

I just want you to embrace what I’ve done for you.

I want you to BE LOVED, beloved.

And you know from experience, when you take the time to do this- so much love flows back out of you that it goes to work, naturally, sharing my love with others.

And that’s ok.

Don’t let the enemy confuse you about that either.

Religious, forced works are one thing.
(I will use those too, remember.
So don’t get stuck here.
I’m addressing your heart more than I am your hands.)

Work flowing out of a right-relationship that inspires you to rise up because my love has risen up inside of you… that’s an entirely different thing.

You don’t have to be afraid of being a workaholic in that regard.
Of going back to workaholism again.

So- Drink it up!
The sweetness that you love (me.)

Guzzle BEFORE you go to work!

You cannot get drunk on water.

Carry me- the Living Water – with you.

You never know who may be parched.

And more than any writing you do,
you are part of the communicating I am doing-
remember, that rich language we talked about before that goes beyond words?

My testimonies are written on your heart. ❤️

I am literally in you,
so I’m in everything you do.

This frees you to stop obsessing over what career you do (or don’t do.)

Instead of centering life and your identity on a career (or the status of not having to work or reaching “retirement”) which is so common to your culture, center it on me.

Focus on worship.

You’ll find your hand working naturally as a result.

And you’ll find freedom from the having to force them to (or not to.) ❤️”

Wow. God and I had such a good chat today.
And I thought I’d share in case anyone else is struggling with a feeling of indebtedness, a desire to retire (be done), or workaholism. I really needed to hear this today.

That His grace period never ends.

That I can always be filled up, for free.

And that I’m always wanted and welcomed to work, that it’ll flow without my even trying some days, because it’s from full.

And when it doesn’t flow, but it needs to— I don’t have to try to push it out. I can simply praise instead. And the flow will be restored again!

How amazing is that?

————-

‭‭Luke‬ ‭12:29-32‬ ‭MSG‬‬

“What I’m trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don’t be afraid of missing out. You’re my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself.”
‭‭

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭55:1-13‬ ‭MSG‬‬

“Hey there! All who are thirsty, come to the water! Are you penniless? Come anyway—buy and eat! Come, buy your drinks, buy wine and milk. Buy without money—everything’s free! Why do you spend your money on junk food, your hard-earned cash on cotton candy? Listen to me, listen well: Eat only the best, fill yourself with only the finest. Pay attention, come close now, listen carefully to my life-giving, life-nourishing words. I’m making a lasting covenant commitment with you, the same that I made with David: sure, solid, enduring love. I set him up as a witness to the nations, made him a prince and leader of the nations, And now I’m doing it to you: You’ll summon nations you’ve never heard of, and nations who’ve never heard of you will come running to you Because of me, your God, because The Holy of Israel has honored you.” Seek God while he’s here to be found, pray to him while he’s close at hand. Let the wicked abandon their way of life and the evil their way of thinking. Let them come back to God, who is merciful, come back to our God, who is lavish with forgiveness. “I don’t think the way you think. The way you work isn’t the way I work.” God’s Decree. “For as the sky soars high above earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think. Just as rain and snow descend from the skies and don’t go back until they’ve watered the earth, Doing their work of making things grow and blossom, producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry, So will the words that come out of my mouth not come back empty-handed. They’ll do the work I sent them to do, they’ll complete the assignment I gave them. “So you’ll go out in joy, you’ll be led into a whole and complete life. The mountains and hills will lead the parade, bursting with song. All the trees of the forest will join the procession, exuberant with applause. No more thistles, but giant sequoias, no more thornbushes, but stately pines— Monuments to me, to God, living and lasting evidence of God.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11:28-30‬ ‭MSG‬‬

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Deflated. That’s how I had been feeling lately and I didn’t know why. But people are seeing it and starting to ask me. I’m embarrassed that my “light is off” but I’m not controlling any switch.

Life is fine. It’s good! I’m a lucky girl.

There are people I miss, for sure, waiting for me in heaven. But there are people right here- my husband, my kids, my mom, my siblings and nieces and nephews, other family and friends…and I am blessed. That’s not it.

We’ve had more, but we’ve also had less.
That’s not what it is.

Me- “Why do I feel so ‘off’ lately, Jesus??” I asked Him.

“You miss me.”

Me-“Miss you? I’ve been in the church more than ever before. We have sometimes been there 3 or 4 nights in a week. I love it, I’m not complaining. But that can’t be it.”

“I didn’t say you missed the church. I said you miss ME…. Remember how you used to just sit with me and ask me questions and write them down, and then I’d answer them and you’d write those down too? You filled up notebooks with our conversations, just like you and your husband (then-boyfriend) used to do in high school before texting was a thing…”

Me- “Oh yeah. 🥰 I DO miss that! Those were some great times. But I haven’t had as much time lately. I’ve been out doing the things you told me you had for me to do, when we were sitting there together. Remember? People need to know you’ve risen, that you’re coming back! When they come into the family, someone’s gotta make sure they’re connecting. And staying connected. That they have events to come to. That they’re being fed. I love you and you said in the Bible that if I love you, I should feed your sheep remember?”

“Yes, but you’re not pausing long enough to let me properly feed you. You’re my sheep too. 🐑 I miss our time. I miss filling you. And that feeling you’ve been feeling that you (sheepishly 😉) came to me about just now- you’re having that feeling because you miss me filling you too. You’ve been coming to me like a drive through. I want you to come eat a sit-down meal. A five-course feast. I need you to start eating again, you’ll feel better in no time.”

So that’s what I did.
The last few days I took time to enjoy Him
as if all the other responsibilities didn’t exist.
I got to them after, of course.
But for awhile I just sat and drank in His presence.

I went on a praise walk.
Outside in the wind,
sun on my face,
eyes mostly closed,
hands in the air not caring who might see me because I’m reaching up to Him to be held,
without shame for needing that-
even when it seems so many other of his babies need held more.

He showed me that I am better at coming to Him when either I feel desperate or deserving.
(Though I never am deserving.)

He showed me that I’ve been looking around and seeing all the people who are going through desperate times right now, and determining that they need His time more (as if it were limited!)

He showed me that I’ve been looking at the unsaved and the responsibility to feed them, but then trying to figure out how to supply the food myself… and determining that I can’t. (Like the disciples when they said we don’t have enough food for all these people!) Forgetting that it’s HE who provides.

Jesus was good to show me exactly what’s been going on with me, but He also loves me enough not to leave me there. Sometimes we have to feel the “drowning” feeling before we reach out to Him for help. But I think He’d rather we reach out, always, so we never get that feeling to begin with.

I think He’s teaching me to come to Him always to get filled- DEEPLY- because I need it as much when life is ordinary as I do when it’s overwhelming.

Today, on day 3 of my refresh, I turned on praise music as I cleaned the house- and that old feeling has been back. I can sense Him with me. The lightness. The joy. The fellowship. It feels as if He’s cleaning with me. And as I notice that I stop and smile.

My eyes come to rest on this friendship bread starter on my counter that my friend had delivered to me.

I remember how I had been scrolling Pinterest for dinner ideas a few days before that, and thought about how fun it would be to start one of those. But I had forgotten. Who has time for that?

I had laughed and told her about it when she texted me to ask if I wanted one.

In this moment, though, I realized just how present Jesus had been the whole time. Even when I was quiet. Even when I was not as tuned in to Him.

He was still listening.

He was still working behind the scenes to catch my attention. To call me back to Him. To surprise and delight me!

As I looked at the bread starter today and delighted in Him this morning, wondering how long it would take to begin to rise, He said to me- “I have risen.”

Me- “Thank God! I’m so glad you’ve risen. Easter is this weekend and that’s been on my heart.”

“I’m also STILL RISING.”

Me- “Huh?”

“I’m STILL RISING. The “dough” has been separated like friendship starts. There’s enough for EVERYONE. It doesn’t run out. I’m not limited. I keep going and going, making new “starts” in people’s lives as you share me, but I’m still plenty for you too!”

Me- “ 😮 How long have you had this lesson prepared? 😍”

“ 🥖 Keep eating your bread, Daylene. I love you. I promise it won’t ever run out. Stay filled. I will full-fill your purpose through you. You’re not doing it for me. You’re embracing what I’ve done for you, and you’re letting me work through you. But take a breath. We’re doing it together. Just like your housework. And that’s so much better, isn’t it? It makes it light. It turns the light in you back on. 💡”

This Easter weekend I wanted to share that personal conversation Jesus and I had.

In case anyone else needs their light turned back on too.

He has risen. YES!

He’s also STILL RISING!

He’s raising my Spirit. And yours. And anyone’s who will let Him in!

And when He comes back there will be the feast of all feasts! Can you imagine?! A party He’s been preparing for over 2,000 years!!!

I thought the lesson He had prepared over a week or so was amazing. The goodness of it brought me to my knees. I imagine I’ll fall flat on my face over His awesomeness when He comes back!

🥖 Anyone need a “friendship bread start?”
Need to be introduced to Jesus?
He’ll be the best by far that you’ve ever Had!

It’s 1 am and I just got up to use the bathroom.

As I laid back down, I looked at the face of my three-year-old little guy in the middle of my bed, beautifully still.

My laying back down startled him and he started crying.

“Mommy’s here, bud. I got you. You’re ok. I love you. You’re such a treasure,” I reassured him.

And I meant it.

Deeply.

With everyone fiber of my being.

Even though he is going through a toddler stage where he says “No” a lot, and does what he wants to do stubbornly, much to my chagrin in public.

Oh how I meant it.

He’s a treasure.

A long-awaited treasure.

And the baby stage where he’d be still and let me hold him passed so quickly it seems,

that these moments when he is sleeping and not running around, busily… so that I can hold him, and look at him, and love on him, are cherished even more.

———-

As the daughter of God,

I sometimes forget that no matter how old I grow, He still loves me this way.

I sometimes forget that I’m His baby.

That He too cherishes stillness,

and my willingness to be held by Him.

Still. Secure. Snuggled. Loved.

As I have grown into new roles-

Wife

Mother

Worker

Leader… (Still not sure if I feel qualified to be called that)…

I have placed some big responsibilities on myself.

And that’s normal, to be expected, necessary even.

We can’t remain babies forever, always crying and consuming and never producing anything for anyone else to consume.

I see my own expectations of my children changing as they grow. Believing that they should mature, compose themselves with more grace, more initiative, and so on. Expecting that as they know better, they do better.

I have related to God as my parent in this way. Understanding that He too, desires for me to mature, to compose myself with more grace, to take more initiative in being a blessing than I do in looking to be blessed, and so on. Expecting that as I know better, I do better.

And yet, I suspect there’s more to his emotions about me that I do not understand.

A grace that I simply cannot fathom,

though I’ve tried to examine it.

A patience for me that is admirable.

Incomprehensible, really.

Me, who feels like a tangled mess of emotions some days.

Of anticipation and joy and wonder.

Moments of fear, and anxiety and frustration.

Frustration that I can’t control the world I live in, and my children live in.

And that sometimes I can’t even control my own self…my own emotions, my own will.

I can’t even always live up to the good standards I desire for my children. (Mommas, can you relate? I sometimes find myself hollering at my kids to stop their hollering! 🤦🏼‍♀️)

I’m like a grown-up toddler pulled this way and that, unsure of how to react sometimes, and often I could just really use a nap…

But I WANT to.

I want to get it right, to make Him proud.

I want to feel proud of myself

and experience the sureness that a well-done has been earned.

I want to be His treasure.

Even though I often feel quite sure I’d never be worthy to be called that.

I want to be his “good girl”,

even though I feel like I’m a hot mess

who belongs in time out,

until she gets her crap together.

The human in me puts a limit on God’s grace and patience,

and I think that I see, in this moment, that the more my own patience is tested by my toddler, the more helpless and exasperated I feel-

as if I, too, must be testing God’s patience with me. Not on purpose. But just because of the imperfect person that I am.

But I don’t think I’m supposed to relate to Him as a parent like that.

I’m comparing my very small capacity with His limitless. And it’s leaving me feeling as if I must be frustrating Him.

I’m forgetting God’s love for me isn’t based on something as erratic as my own behavior or anything I do or don’t do for Him, but rather what Jesus already did for me on the cross.

In this moment I’m suspecting, remembering, as if for the first time, that He is simply calling me to get lost in a moment of being held by him.

A moment (or a thousand moments through my day) of soaking up His love so that I CAN go beyond the limit of my own patience, with my children.

In my mother-role I can best relate to His unconditional love for us.

There’s not a thing my children could do that would make me love them any more or any less. I already love them with my entire being. And even when I get annoyed, or overjoyed with their behavior, my love for them remains the same. Infinite.

And I am human.

My capacity is so…small,

and yet this love is so enormously intense.

Thinking about how God IS this love…

He’s the source of it,

the Original,

the Everlasting…

the One with infinite capacity…

My heart is refilled.

My perspective is reshifted.

My heart is reassured.

No matter how much I rocked it, or bombed it today- in any of the areas of my life-

(because doesn’t it feel like we are always rocking it in one area, while dropping balls in another?)—

No matter how well or poorly I performed my roles in any given moment,

He’s there with that same unconditional love and support.

He’s the Heavenly Dad that doesn’t love us any less when we fall short of our own expectations (thank God, because I have high expectations of myself and fall short often)…

or any more when we exceed them (thank God, because if I truly believe this I’d become obsessed with my own performance and get caught up in perfectionism because I crave His being pleased with me… which, now that I think of it, may be what’s been happening with me lately. 😉)

———-

I’m so thankful for the 1 am wake-up call of my bladder, followed by the moment of gazing at my toddler in my bed, filled with love and gratitude- simply that he’s mine… that I get to love on him… and for the whispers of my heavenly Dad that assures me, even though I can’t fully comprehend Him, He feels the same of me too.

And of YOU, dear reader, if you call Him Father.

He doesn’t look at us, resting, and remember what kind of a day we had.

Because of Jesus, who died so that we could become children of God… and not because of our own performance or earning of any position, (thank God)..,

He looks at us as His children-

His sometimes chaotic and sometimes angelic- but always beloved, children.

We have His heart.

Just like our kids have ours.

He’d do anything for us.

& Mostly He just wants us to be able to rest in this- that He’s got us.

That he LOVES us.

That it’s not about performance.

But- our behavior will naturally be more settled when our hearts are secured and settled in this pure and unshakable love of His.

Romans 8:14-17 NIV

“For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.”



God has shown up for me in so many ways. Nobody could convince me that He is not real.

He’s done some pretty big things in my life, but sometimes it’s the s•m•a•l•l stuff that really catches me by surprise and takes my breath away, as I think on just how good and personal and present He really is.

Ever have one of those days where you just feel stressed and you’re not sure why?

I was having one of those on Friday.

Maybe it was because we were getting ready to leave for a short little trip and I hadn’t packed a single thing yet.

Or maybe it was because we had been out of the house all day, and while we love what we do on Fridays, it also has a way of wearing me out.

Likely it was the combination of the two, along with some things that have been weighing on my mind and heart.

Whatever the cause though, I found that I had exactly a fifteen-minute window on Friday, and maybe this is not good, but all I wanted was to go have an upside down banana split at my favorite local ice cream place that had just re-opened for the season. And I did not try to talk myself out of it.

I drove straight there, ordered my favorite treat, and parked, just as if I were going on an ice-cream date with my dad like we did lots of times as I was growing up (him driving me), and, after his stroke, and when I was grown and the kids were at school (me driving him).

In the moment, it didn’t occur to me that perhaps the craving some “dad time” was there, deeper beyond the anxiety.

Sometimes we don’t really know everything that’s going on with our own selves, do we?

But I do know that as I took that first bite I began to think of him, and as I thought of him I began to really miss him, in a way that I don’t normally allow myself to do because- well- what good would it do anyone? And because life has a way of forcing us to roll on.

Grief is hard like that.

So in this moment, as I begin to realize that it probably wasn’t ice cream I wanted- it was probably just a moment like I used to have with my dad, when life seemed simpler for a second, and I could just pause and not try to “adult” and figure the whole world out…

and I missed Him.

So I did the only thing I knew to do to make myself feel better. I opened up the Bible I had on the seat next to me and admitted to God that I needed something from Him because the ice cream, while delicious, didn’t really cut it. It had satisfied my sweet tooth, perhaps, but not my soul.

I opened “randomly” to a verse about fatherly love, and I smiled a little smile but to be honest I needed more.

And then I felt Him impress a word inside of me that He has been repeating to me quite often lately: Ask.

“Ask what, God?”

“Ask me for what you’re needing in this very moment.”

“God, I can’t ask for that. My dad is in Heaven and you know that.”

“Ask.”

“Ok… Uhm, God, I know that my dad is in heaven and I also know that it’s good for him that he’s there. He was in a lot of pain here. And there, I know that he is not. And so even though we miss him a lot, I wouldn’t ever ask for you to send him back.

But if he can’t come back for a hug, could you just give him one for me instead?

And— God you’ve given me signs like this before, and you know that I’m not testing you and that it’s ok if you don’t because I won’t ever doubt you…

but, if you want to, would you do something for me?

to show me you got the message,

you gave him the hug,

and if he wants to send one back to me you could do this…

(and here I had to think a moment because I didn’t even know what sign to ask for, and then it came to me. My dad used to play this quarter-flipping game with me when I was little, and so that’s what I asked for. For quarters to unexpectedly show up in my path. Kinda like the “dimes from heaven thing” I’ve seen people share about, but different, because my dad always uses quarters and because I find dimes all the time but I don’t hardly ever see a quarter on the ground.)

And then my fifteen minutes was over and it was time to pick up my niece from school, and so I pulled out of the ice cream shop parking lot, and proceeded in that direction.

As I did, I felt filled supernaturally with a father-like presence, and I smiled because I knew that was Him.

I went on to pick her up, back home to pack, (and if I’m honest snapped a few times at my kids because I was still stressed.)

And then, it happened.

I was just coming in from a dozen trips out to the car to load up.

I opened the door to the house and what flung right out before me, and landed right in front of my feet so that there was no denying it was for me? (Even though the “flinger” (aka my oldest son) had no idea about any of this or about the very particular request I had sent to God just an hour before?)

You betcha.

A quarter!

A quarter. And the minute it landed I heard in my soul: “That’s for you!”

And the exact feeling of a returned-hug washed over me.

I can’t even explain it, how you can feel a hug without any physical receipt of one, but I did.

So intensely that the tears just BROKE loose.

I felt…heard.

I felt…loved.

I felt…so unworthy because I had just been snapping and clearly so imperfect, but I could also sense supremely that He didn’t care one iota about whether I was worthy of this moment, He was answering my prayer because HE is a good Heavenly Dad.

And I know that He had honored my requested and hugged my dad dad for me, and here he was, delivering the returned-hug back.

WOW.

I’m sharing this, and I always share, because I want everyone in the world to know how personal and loving and wonderful He is. From the big things to the littlest, he cares.

From the holes in our hearts that we know about, to the ones we think have moved past but still remain.

The best “filler” for anything we could ever ask for or imagine needing, is Him.

And freely, lavishly, He longs to give Himself to us.

All we have to do is ask.

(Just a little “bonus” content- today, we went geocaching. And what did I find, in a cache, that I don’t usually find? Another quarter. Lol. God is always “extra” like that! 💕)

To get a glimpse into the patience of God which we truly can’t fathom- we can look at the things which test ours and multiply those by billions. That’s how we humans test his. And He has been hanging on for thousands of years! Can you even imagine this?! I can’t.

Currently 2 of the 4 kids in my house are bickering and picking at each other.

I’m as annoyed by the one responding with squawks as I am with the one who started it to begin with.

Not in reason, but in emotion.

Logically I know that the one who started it is ultimately at fault, but my sense and emotions are affected- my serenity is interrupted- by both of them equally.

All I want is for them to treat each other kindly, consistently.

Eventually even seeking to be a blessing instead of a pest.

But they’re kids and they don’t get it.

(To be fair, it’s not as bad as when they were littles. And comparatively, it’s not bad at all. But it was still a moment that taught me something and I wanted to share.)

To God we are still kids.

We just don’t get it.

I believe Hs would like us to want to get it—

to understand why He wants us to get along, and to aim for that- His pleasure.

To try to at least.

But often we don’t.

We act in emotion.

We respond in emotion.

Sometimes intentionally

and sometimes reflexively.

He corrects us.

He also affirms us when we do well.

Now, I can barely manage this with my 3 kids.

I can’t imagine my friends with 6 or 8! 🧠

And mind blowing is thinking of God’s multiple generations of children, billions upon billions of them! 🤯

Have you ever seen a mom with even 2 or 3 kids who isn’t getting ruffled during 5 minutes of chaos?

Doesn’t it seem amazing- her grace?

I actually told a mother at preschool pickup this week how much I admired her patience and grace. It was impressive. Her kids were super chaotic, and she kept her calm so well. And it was so “not the norm” that I took notice— even though the whole episode lasted only about a minute or two.

God’s grace is absolutely, incomprehensibly amazing.

We can’t even begin to fathom it.

But here’s something else He brought to mind just now-

The next time you get frustrated with YOURSELF because you messed up again and you see how you’ve been a brat (again and again and again)…

…and the enemy tells you that you’ve tempted God’s patience? And you feel guilty about that. So you pull back…

…because you know you’ll most definitely, (even if you try not to)!keep messing up, and you know He doesn’t deserve that…

…so you pull away, bit by bit…

…and maybe you don’t even know you’re doing it, but eventually you can feel the distance even before anyone else can see it…

When that happens, to get back into His good grace again, we must stop looking at our own behavior for a moment and start looking at his face instead.

My own grace increases (even if only slightly) as I age.

I don’t get AS ruffled about all the things with kid 3 because kid 1 did the same things and he is mostly over it.

I know there’s light at the end of the toddler tunnel.

And in faith I can believe there’s light at the end of the pre-teen/teenager tunnel. (Although again, I’m pretty blessed with them.)

But God is different-

He CAN’T be tempted.

The Bible says it in James 1:14

“When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone…”

If grace can increase with age, consider-

He’s aged beyond the universe.

He has ALL the experience.

Nothing existed before Him

so nobody can be more experienced at this than him.

If seeing the light at the end of the tunnel brings more patience, consider-

He IS the light at the end of the tunnel.

(And the beginning of it!)

He KNOWS that we are going to get past this earthly- age too.

It’s just a stage.

Our behavior.

This Earth, even.

We are going to get through it.

HE is going to get us through.

And our kids too.

And KNOWING that brings the calm I need within the chaos of my mom-with-kids-at-home age. (Which again is a blessing, and this post is for perspective and to pass on His peace, not at all to imply that I’m still exasperated or am meaning to complain.)

Here’s the prayer He flowed out of my mouth as I surrendered the moment to Him:

“God, give me YOUR grace and patience for this moment-

all the moments, big or small-

because I don’t have much at all of it

(It’s why I feel annoyed to begin with).

But my faith is big enough that I know you give virtues, just like forgiveness.

We don’t have to have our own supply outside of you.

You lend us a spoonful of sugar at a time,

when life is too bitter…

too sour…

or even too blah.

You sweeten it up.”

Mommas-

Sometimes when I want to jump right away to assigning time outs, I first have to allow myself to take a timeout with Him instead.

Can anyone relate?

Thoughts for this morning: TODAY is a good day!

We never know what the future may hold,

and that may be unsettling,

but we can make the choice to be happy

today.

I think joy is like manna.

You must look for it each morning,

gather up enough for each day,

and not worry about hiding it away for the future.

Resist the urge to be afraid that lack (of anything- provision, health, safety, blessings, joy) is coming.

God will be in the future, just like he has been in the past.

But today he is here- walking with us- in the present!

And because

🎶 THIS is the day the Lord has made

Let us rejoice and be glad in it! 🎶

24 hours at a time, let’s choose joy! ☀️

————

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:25-34‬ ‭NIV‬‬

It’s exhausting, wrestling against temptation and sin, and bad habits and negative thoughts, isn’t it?

When we get saved, all that doesn’t stop.

We learn real quick (and have to be reminded often)- that salvation isn’t just a one-time thing.

I myself need it daily!
Multiple times a day, even.

Not just to be saved from eternal death,
but also saved from sin’s power over me now.

Saved from the enemy’s lies
that I’m not good enough.
Or that it’s even about me being good enough.

Saved from my self.
My own desires that aren’t good for me.

The bad news:
The enemy doesn’t let go without a fight.

He knows our weaknesses.
He knows areas we have caved in the past.
He knows our pain points.
And he constantly brings those things back up.
He stabs us, and then he pokes his finger in the wound.

The good news:
God isn’t going to let us go without a fight either! He wants to fight FOR us. And He is guaranteed to win.

He doesn’t want us battling things on our own.
He wants us tagging Him in.

Trusting Him for our salvation
in any and every situation.

Confiding in Him when we are tempted-
unafraid of condemnation,
because we know that his intentions for us
are not that we’d be condemned,
but that we’d be cut free from that fear,
by faith in what Jesus did for us on the cross.

So- when we are exhausted

from fighting the enemy’s lies,

from TRYING to fight fear with faith,

from TRYING to be a good person or be seen as a good person,

He comes beside us and offers to change our focus…

to embracing His Truths,

TRUSTING that His grace is sufficient for us,
both when we feel bold AND when we feel afraid,

Knowing, that compared to the only standard we are supposed to set ourselves beside (Jesus), we are NOT good people-
not one of us,

that ALL fall short,

and yet Jesus’s love for us was so perfect,
He died for us,
to bridge the gap between us and God
just the same…

Suddenly,
We find ourselves set free
from the enemy’s snare.

Suddenly,
We can see that we don’t have to get out of anything on our own.

That God has been waiting all along for us to humble ourselves (get a proper perspective about our part in it all, Him being the big fighter who frees us, and our small part simply inviting Him into each and every battle.)

It doesn’t matter what our record with the enemy is.

God’s record has always been,
and always will be 100-0.

Jesus says that He hasn’t lost ONE sheep given to Him.

So you see, we are GUARANTEED to win this spiritual struggle, so long as we give ourselves and each and every one of our battles, over to Him.

The key to fighting isn’t avoiding tapping out by seeing how long we can hold on or stay in…

And it’s not giving up, either.

It’s tagging our Partner, our Savior in!

It’s giving it UP, to Him!

I started to write a lengthy post about what this sign meant to me today.

About how the world is dreary
and this day is dreary
and to the naked eye,
and according to the weather forecast –
the sun isn’t coming back out for awhile.

My app glitched and the post deleted,
and to be honest, I didn’t have the energy nor the focus to articulate what’s been on my heart for the second time. It took all I had to get it out the first.

So I will keep it simple.
Like this sign.
Which was why I doubled back around the block to begin with, to take this photo.

He used its beautiful matter-of-fact-ness
to speak to me today,

although believing it takes an act of faith:

Here comes the sun. 🌧 ⛅️ ☀️

(Here comes the Son.) ✝️

It doesn’t matter what it looks like.

It doesn’t matter what anyone says.

It doesn’t matter how many gloomy days the world will see before He arrives.

He’s coming!

He’s on His way!

And that gives us hope.

In the meantime, as little and insignificant as we may sometimes feel in this world, we believers have the big job of bearing His light within us now, and shining it in small ways to bring some hints of light to the dark world around us. 🕯

His Kingdom is here! Now!
And getting brighter!
It will be seen in all its glory- all HIS glory
when He arrives for the grand finale!

The new heaven and new Earth will have no sickness, no death, no sorrow, no selfishness, no wars, no worries, no pain, no heartache. No tears and no fears!

And you know how it’s easier to get through the gloomy days when there’s light at the end of the tunnel?

When you SEE sunshine in the forecast and can look forward to it?

It’s like that with Him too!

We must forecast His arrival with eyes of faith.

We don’t get to know the day or the hour
the Son will arrive.

But we can know He is faithful to fulfill His Word!

We can choose to live each day, expectantly,
reminding oueselves,
exhorting each other with the simple reminder (which helps us keep on keeping on until then!):

The sun is coming! ☀️

The Son is coming! ✝️

I had a dream last night and it was the best kind. A symbolic dream from the heart of my Heavenly Father, and He didn’t leave me guessing long what its application was to be in this life.

In the dream, my husband and I and our family were in the market for a home. We were driving around this city, and I was looking for big, beautiful, perfect-looking homes with for sale signs in the front yard. I thought my husband was looking for the same.

We pulled into a cul-de-sac. I told him he had turned one road too soon. There were no for-sale signs here. But he got out of the car, kids in tow, and knocked on the door- so I followed.

He said to the man who answered the door, “We are looking for a home to buy and live in. Budget isn’t an issue. We just want a place that feels like home. Could we come in and look at yours?”

I remember thinking it strange that the man would accept such a funny self-invitation and open the door to us. Why didn’t he give us a bewildered look and close it in our faces? After all- there wasn’t even a for sale sign in the yard.

But he did accept it. He opened the door to us.

He introduced us to his family and let them know we were looking for a home, and that while they hadn’t planned to sell theirs- we had made an offer that was irresistible (budget not being an issue) and so they were going to invite us in to see if their home would fit the bill for us.

The next part I remember finding equally as funny/shocking. (Such things happen in dreams all the time, because they’re dreams- but in this dream I didn’t know I was dreaming and so the emotions were all pretty real.)

So I was walking all around this house, doing what most prospective home-purchasers do: evaluating.

Judging, what was good and what was not, what we’d have to change and what, if any, features were charming and desirable to stay.

And this home was a MESS.

Clearly loved,

clearly taken care of the best the family could-

but a mess

compared with what I had expected- especially for a budget like we were bringing to the table.

(Mind you- in real life- our budget is anything but unlimited, so there’s symbolism here that God showed me later, that goes beyond this illustration.)

On the outside, it was in a great neighborhood.

On the outside, it was polished and more perfect-looking, though not actually perfect-

unpretentious and inexplicably charming in a way I couldn’t put my finger on.

But on the inside: a structural mess like nobody would have guessed, which makes it even more of a wonder that they let us in to begin with.

Sagging ceilings.

Layers of paint chipping severely off the walls.

Stairs that were crooked.

Clearly foundation issues.

And – the most bizarre of things— a toilet right inside the front door…

I had already decided from the moment I saw the first two of those issues, the toilet and the ceilings, that this place was not for us. I could not see myself making a home here.

But my husband? Where had he ventured off to? He and my boys were playing video games with the kid that lived there. Up the crooked stairs. Past the badly chipping paint. I could hear them laughing through the sagging ceilings. (Sagging so badly I was almost fearful for their safety, that they could fall through at any moment.)

I called to him that we needed to leave. I tried to politely excuse ourselves. I knew that he knew what I was insinuating (that this wasn’t the place for us, wasn’t what we were looking for), but he was pre-occupied. He stopped to have conversation with the man, the dad, who lived there. And the mom too. About their life, their story, about themselves, and finally about the condition of the inside of the house- though not in a judgmental kind of way, or a way that would indicate that the house was worth any less to us (or that they’d receive any less compensation, should we be invited to move in, which at this point I had deemed out of the question, with how much renovation it would entail, and I was incredulous that my husband was still “entertaining” the idea. Was he just being polite? Had he lost his mind? This was not the place for us. It was SO much work. Unsafe even.)

Finally I had gathered my children and gave cordial goodbyes to the family we had met. While I didn’t want to move in, I also genuinely appreciated their authenticity and openness to not only welcome us inside, but to go on about normal life while we were in their home, as if it wasn’t bizarre at all that a stranger had come to examine their dwelling and see if perhaps it was worth making an offer on.

As I prepared to part it was as if I could hear their inmost heart-thoughts:

“If anyone is silly enough to make an offer on this falling-down structure, then we surely ought to take it. Though I’m not exactly sure where we’d go. We’ve been so underwater for awhile with this place, that we have never considered having the opportunity to fix it or to find a home that’s more pleasant to live in.”

“There was no time to prepare it or cover up any of the damage, but a far-fetched shot is better than none at all. And besides, the buyers look like a nice enough family. They should know what they’re getting into.”

“I wonder why they stopped here anyhow. Even on the outside our house isn’t the most spectacular one in the neighborhood, and it wasn’t even listed for sale. They surely had no idea what a mess they’d find inside. They’ll certainly high-tail it out of here, never to be seen again.”

(Which is what I distinctly remember wanting to do, in my dream.)

But as we buckled in our babies, and shut the car doors, my husband said the most shocking thing of the day- of our lives, even:

“That’s the one! Let’s move in. With them.

It’ll take a lot of work but we can do it together.

Let’s give them over market price for their home, but I want them to stay too.”

Say what?!?

Oh was I protesting inside. And so bewildered. I didn’t get it AT ALL. I thought he had lost his mind. I nearly choked on the words that were getting ready to come out of my mouth…

And then… I woke up.

And it wasn’t even mysterious what the dream had been about. He didn’t leave me guessing at all, He went right into explaining it:

—————

He said to me:

I am your heavenly husband. (I often relate to Jesus this way, because my marriage is the closest relationship which resembles how Jesus feels about us, His people, individually…the Bible tells us such.)

I don’t go looking for “perfect” homes (places for me to live, abide in.) I already have the perfect home, in heaven.

I don’t only consider the ones which are listed for sale. (The people actively looking for me. Sometimes, often, I go looking for, considering them, even when they’ve never heard of me or thought of inviting me in at all.)

I don’t think about resources the way you do. I don’t need the “most bang for my buck” – I MAKE the “bang”. (I speak and things happen.) I have ALL the bucks. (I have unlimited resources. Everything under Heaven and Earth is mine.)

I am not looking for people to add value to me, I am looking for people who can see the value I can add to them- and who are willing to invite me in!

Maybe at first people invite me in, for the hope of what I can do for them, physically. But once we have visited they find me so strangely refreshing, different from the world, that they want me to stay. They want to get to know me because I’m unlike anyone they’ve ever met before.

I don’t care about what the world cares about.

I don’t focus on what society focuses on.

I am not concerned with the building you live in,

your status in society,

or even the “building” of your body

and whether it appears to be in good shape (worthy of purchasing/living in)

to anyone else

or not.

What I care about- is you.

The REAL you.

The spirit you.

You are a spirit,

that lives in a body,

and has a soul (mind, will, and emotions.)

When I’m knocking on doors,

I’m not primarily looking for a place to live-

for my benefit-

remember, I have that in heaven.

My ways are not like your ways.

My thoughts are not like your thoughts.

I’m looking for people who will see the value in me, and invite me in – openly-

to their real dwellings.

Their selves.

And I don’t merely want to purchase them,

possess them.

Take over their homes and kick them out.

(The enemy does that. But that’s not the focus of the day.)

I want to knock on their door and make them an offer that seems absurd to the world.

To pay it all, handle it all, help with it all, deal with it all- with them!

I want to ABIDE with them.

I want to DO LIFE with them.

I want to them to get to know me,

let me get to know them.

Authentically and Intimately.

I want to make my home with them.

And then- when we are functioning as a family, I want to go to work with them, repairing the house together. Not just doing it for them always (even though I could), but doing it with them because I enjoy spending every bit of time together, and I enjoy teaching and imparting my wisdom, and I enjoy watching the learning and growth process in them and watching them “get it” and find joy as they do.

Project by project.

Room by room.

I will work on their house (body) and with them (their spirit.)

This is sanctification.

I- Salvation- entered in, the moment they opened the door.

Sanctification-

Being “fixed up”-

that is a lifelong process

and we do it together,

with me in the lead.

You are my creation.

This is what I have chosen for my life’s work.

Saving you and fixing you up- for your benefit!

I am different than people.

I already have it all, so I am able to go into things out of pure love – unconditionally- wanting what’s in it for you.

And the very best thing that’s in it for you,

beyond any financial thing,

or any physical thing,

or any thing that the world could offer-

is ME.

My unconditional love and fellowship.

My company.

Doing life with me.

It may seem absurd really, when you think about it, the creator and king of the universe wanting to move into YOUR home, YOUR heart, WITH you.

Why would I want to?

Because I see you and I love you.

I already know you before you know me.

And I’ve been waiting patiently to approach you, I’ve been anticipating you opening the door to me!

I see behind the surface,

and beyond the mess that’s past the surface.

I knew just what awaited behind that door before I even knocked.

Nothing is a surprise to me.

And nothing is too much for me,

too big of a mess for me to handle.

But before we work on any messes together,

I just want to come in.

I just want to talk to you.

I just want to meet you where you are and do life with you.

Not AFTER the projects and once you feel more perfect.

NOW.

You are spirit.

Your physical improvements can wait a moment, and we can work on those together.

And I need you to see that.

And now I’m knocking.

I’m here for YOU, right now.

Can we just chat?

Can you open up the door and let me in,

can we visit?

Can you get to know me enough to know that I come for the REAL you?

That I don’t need the house – your physical self or your physical house, to be straightened up and pretty before we talk…?

I don’t want to just be a visitor you straighten up for, before our visits each day. I want to be an occupant. Who does life together with you, and who straightens up with you too. I want to be your family.

All this is going to pass away anyway…

Your physical house will one day be gone.

Along with the whole earth.

Your physical body will pass away too.

But YOU- the real you- your spirit-

it will live forever.

Either with me, or away from me.

And I don’t wait for the end of your life,

to begin our living together.

(And it doesn’t work that way anyway. You have to accept me now, in this world, in order for me to take you into my world in eternity. I’ve already chosen you but you have to choose me too.)

I’m here-

Knocking-

NOW!

I want to be part of your life and your family,

I want to help provide for you and secure you and take the loads of this earthly life on with you- NOW.

Will you open up?

Will you accept my “bizarre” self-invitation?

Will you share this with others, so it becomes a more normal concept, and they’ll be more likely to let me in when I come to them?

———

This dream was so rich I’m still opening it up layer by layer.

I’ve already let Him into my life.

Opened the door to my messy abode and welcomed Him in.

I’ve already come to know and love Him and I’m able to testify that He truly is like no other!

So before I sit down and talk to him about what the rest of the dream means, for me, I couldn’t wait to share His invitation with you.

You don’t have to believe you’re worthy.

NONE of us are, actually.

Imperfect and messy and all-

Trying to this point, or not-

I pray that you’ll lay it all aside in this moment.

And start a wonderfully authentic life with Him.

And I’ll be there too- in the way that I can be.

The Church will. (The people.)

That’s what fellowship is.

That was the most shocking part of the dream to me, really.

He moves the whole family right on in!

And in a day where it’s so much easier –

and so tempting-

to “just do us”,

separate,

life on our own terms-

it’s challenging to think about that.

About lovingly dealing with others’ messes, with Him,

not in a judgmental way,

but in a way that comes alongside,

cares more about others than self,

is willing to not only go through the process in our own homes which is difficult enough, but is also willing to help with cleanup in the bigger house-the bigger family- too.

That used to seem so intimidating.

But wow- in His presence it seems exciting.

Getting in on more of it.

Seeing-

FEELING-

just how ridiculous His love is for us,

how infinite!

It’s breath-taking, really.

Mind-boggling.

———

Revelation 3:20-

“Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.”

John 14:23-

“Jesus answered him, “Those who love me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and my Father and I will come to them and live with them.”