I donāt know what youāre going through today, but I DO know a trick that helps me, no matter what Iām going through. And Iād love to share it with you!
When I was pregnant with our rainbow baby after having lost 5 babies, I rā¢eā¢lā¢iā¢eā¢d on praise music like never before āļø š§ š¶ to help me get through!
I listened to it morning, noon, and night to drown out all the doubts and thoughts of fear that tried to constantly bombard my mind.
The enemy always seeks to kill, steal, and destroy- not just pregnancies, but also the other good plans that God has for us.
He wants us to worry, he wants to kill our joy, steal our peace, destroy our sense of security.
But in the presence of God, we can trade- worry for worship; mourning for joy; panicky feelings for supernatural peace; insecurity for HIS security.
We enter into His presence through Thanksgiving and praise, and one of the best ways to foster praise when you donāt feel like praising is to turn on praise music and begin singing the words out loud.
This is one way to make our feelings follow our faith, instead of allowing our faith to be derailed or suffocated by those feelings.
We donāt have to feel guilty for our feelings- theyāre natural. But we donāt have to stay stuck in them either! We donāt have to allow them to steal from us, or let them continue to make us feel as if theyāre killing us.
We can refuse to let doubts linger in our mind, and one way to do this is by crowding our mind space with POSITIVE, FAITH-FILLED words, and praise music is a great place to fill up with those!
Praise music can be uplifting! Empowering! Emboldening! Peace-bringing!
Are you struggling today?
Get your praise on!
Blare ābelieving musicā in your home.
āConceal carryā- stick AirPods in your ears and think of yourself with your ears plugged in this way, so you cannot hear the enemyās lies.
As I was sitting in worship at church this last Sunday, listening to āRaise a Hallelujahā I was reminded of the power of praise music once again with the lyrics that reminded me āmy weapon is a melody!ā š¶
Today I wanted to āarmā someone else with this!
One of your best weapons is a melody!
Choose your weapons (the music youāre listening to) wisely, and carry them with you wherever you go!
Earlier this week, I went out to my garden to pick tomatoes š and got a bonus reminder-lesson along with them.
You see, we have this one ādefectiveā tomato plant with ripe tomatoes that are smaller than my three-year oldās fingernails, itās so weird.
I have been waiting patiently up to this point, thinking they may start getting more fruit-full, but they havenāt, and now that plant is trying to take over the whole garden!
The other morning I had to pull it back because it was choking out my good plants, but I think Iām going to have to cut that plant out entirely.
As I was considering this God said to me:
āRemember, Daylene, donāt let the little (unimportant) stuff choke out the big (eternally important) stuff.ā
It was a needed reminder, as I have found myself getting caught up in little details of projects so much that I was feeling ārottenā and less-than-full because that little stuff was beginning to choke out some of my most fruitful time with Him.
Later that day, He repeated this same theme through a friend as she shared what He had been speaking to her. ā¤ļø
I love how He does that!
Encourages lovingly. Practically.
Repeats Himself.
Repeats Himself through a friend so we understand itās not just us that struggles with these things.
Itās so common!
We arenāt alone.
And we are better together, reminding one another-
Itās ok to pull up āvinesā sometimes –
things that may be full of fruit, even, but not the BEST kind, not the FILLING kind,
Sometimes we MUST prune away the little stuff in our lives- maybe even some stuff that feels big and necessary in this moment- so that the e.t.e.r.n.a.l fruits in our lives {the Word, the time with HIM, the fellowshipping with Him in the center} has space in the garden of our hearts to grow and prosper.
And when we do, we may feel less full in quantity {#s of things to go on our resumes, perhaps, or dollars in the bank} but MORE full in quality!
And what we DO have {especially that relationship with Him}- b.e.c.a.u.s.e we have made room- we are more able to feel thankFULL for!
{If you donāt know what that is, I often look for trash on the ground – 1.) to pick it up and leave someplace better than I found it and 2.) okay this is my primary āselfishā objective- because Iāve found God gives some really great reminders to me through e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g- even trash.}
So here was yesterdayās reminder- as I walked up on three smashed crayons in a parking lot, probably dropped by a kid in a hurry. Or maybe dropped in a moment of frustration by a mom whose toddler was having a fit getting in their car seat. (Not gonna lie, Iāve been there before. Like very recently.)
BUTā¦
Broken Crayons š Still Color!
Thatās what He reminded me with these three smashed restaurant crayons.
We are all a little broken arenāt we?
And I donāt know about you, but my wanna-be-perfectionist self often used to discard old crayons for a fresh box.
The beginning of every school year was out with the old and in with the new!
Yet I think He is wanting to change my perspective A LOT this season.
I am that broken crayon:
I have been smashed.
āā¦pressed on every side by troubles, but ā¦not crushed. ā¦perplexed, but not driven to despair. ā¦ hunted down, but never abandoned by God. ā¦knocked down, but ā¦ not destroyed.ā āā- 2 Corinthiansā¬ ā4:8-9ā¬ āNLTā¬ā¬
Unlabeled. (My old fancy titles are gone.) I am now ājustā a mom. āJustā a wife. āJustā a daughter of God.
But thatās enough. Actually itās not āJUSTā- itās not fair at all, I donāt deserve these amazing rolesā¦ the opportunity to be a mom, wife, or daughter of the King. Pure gifts- thatās what these roles are that I get to ācolorā.
Sometimes the enemy tells me that Iām not good enough.
Sometimes he tries to make me stare extra hard at my brokenness, my imperfectionsā¦
Sometimes he has tried to tell me that my husband would be better off with a āfresh crayonāā a better wife than myself.
Or that my kids would be better off with a more perfect mom. One with fancier labels intact. Team mom. Crafty mom. Obsessed-with-the-role-of-mom mom.
And āallā I am is a very imperfect mom who loves them, loves their dad, and obsessively loves the God who created us – and even though He is God of the universeā chooses to do life with us. ā¤ļø
But- thatās all He wants of us, mommas. Thatās enough. He doesnāt care about any labels. He doesnāt care if we look fresh or used up. He made us to color His messages of love into this dark and drabby and love-hungry world, not to stay pristine and āsafeā in our own little boxes!
He reminded me of that today. How he sees us – even in our brokenness-
Especially in a bold brokennessā¦ that refuses to give up, refuses to believe the lies that we are just done,
A bold brokenness that sees ourselves the way He does- Not trash, but treasure.
Broken pieces = character
The smaller we become = more used up for Him,
The more weāve given of ourselves = the more beauty weāve created to leave behind, pointing the way for others toward our forever Home.
And one day in heaven, we will all be new again.
Everything broken, everything bent- Everything once tossed aside- collected by Him {if we have allowed ourselves to be picked up by His loving hands} and FOREVER, perfectly restored. ā¤ļø
Whenever our souls feel weary or āon the floorā- itās simply that theyāre attesting to this, reminding usā¦ though we live on this imperfect planet right now, we were MADE for heavenās āmore.ā
Some observations about the āstraight and narrowāpathā¦ š
š There are lots of weeds {invitations for worry, and the cares of this world} & we must learn to navigate around those or we could get tripped up. Or at the very least annoyed about how they rub up against our legs and make us lose our peace. š±
š When you keep your face toward the sun, the shadows do fall behind you, but you also feel BLIND sometimes – meaning you donāt always get to see whatās in front of you, in your future. āļø
š Be careful about measuring yourself by the shadow you cast. When the sun is shining from behind you {when His glory is shining through you}, itās easy to overestimate your āsizeā. Remember- this world was made by Him & for Him. We donāt need to be epic or make history, we are beyond blessed to simply be a part of HiStory! š
š No matter how narrow the road is, no matter how rough {or smooth} the traveling conditionsā¦the journey is ALWAYS better together with Him & with others! No need to go it alone. Letās all help each other stay on the straight and narrow instead, calling out to one another, encouraging one another, looking out for one another when someone veers off. Itās worth the effort. & Itās eternally important. š
My āOn This Dayā memories today reminded me of an episode two years ago, when we were at Kohlās to get some clothes for our son. We had told our daughter that her turn would be soon, and she had said she was ok with waiting. (She always has more clothes than the rest of us put together I think!)
In the checkout, when she came up to me with $10 in Starbucks gift cards and her wallet, and told me she wanted to buy them for me, I told her thanks but thatās ok. I wanted her to save her money to buy something she wanted. And I would take her out for a coffee date, but I would pay. She didnāt have to.
All of a sudden the tears started falling.
It made absolutely no sense to my husband or to me.
āYou donāt even like Starbucks, sweet girl.ā (She didnāt, at the time. She really does now!)
āAre you really ok that we are getting your brother clothes today and waiting on yours until next month?ā
āDid I say āno thank youā in a hurtful tone? I donāt think I did. I appreciate your generosity.ā
āWhat did I do?ā
āNothing. You didnāt do anything. Iām fine. Itās fine.ā
But the tears kept flowing.
I wasnāt sure what to make of it.
She didnāt look fine. But she didnāt want to talk about it. So we finally just let her be and ten minutes later she really was fine. She understood. But her emotions had a mind of their own. And THAT was what was most frustrating to her!
Boy have I been there.
Like the very next morning.
Laying in bed, scratching my hubbyās back. Having a perfectly peaceful moment and then one little thing pricked a hole in my emotions and the tears started oozing out.
āAre you crying?ā he asked me. āWhat did I do?ā
āNo. You didnāt do anything. Iām fine. Itās fine.ā
(Sounds familiar, huh?)
And he really didnāt.
Dang those tears.
I wish they would obey my desires but they donāt.
They come flooding out whenever they wish to.
Sad moments, happy moments, frustrating moments.
Moments of overwhelm and moments of intense joy alike.
Sometimes they make sense and sometimes they donāt.
And always, despite my better judgment and my will to hold them back, still they flow.
The best gift my hubby can give me when this happens is a simple hug.
A squeeze of the hand.
An āare you ok?ā, followed by a simple change of subject when I assure him that I am.
Trusting that Iāll be honest when Iām not.
And just like that, the tears leave as quickly as they came on.
Emotions make no sense at all sometimes.
But, to not have them I would have to harden my heart. So Iāll take them in stride, knowing they are just a part of the softness that my mom-and-wife- and-woman job requires.
I keep my heart on my sleeve, ready to share.
And if that means that I have to use my sleeve sometimes to wipe the tears that my wide-open heart lets out, so be it.
I donāt like appearing so weak.
But, as a woman, donāt mistake my tears for weakness, for lack of self-control. I assure you that theyāre not.
Theyāre a sign of a different brand of strength.
Strength to KEEP putting my heart out there, when I want to wall it up.
Strength to KEEP caring about the world around me, and KEEP praying for the lost, when I want to go into my own bubble and just ādo me.ā
Strength to KEEP being ānot okā with how the world around me is right now, and to use that humble, not-ok-in-self state to drive me to constant prayer and petition.
And that is what Iāll teach my daughter:
Tears come and go.
We have little control over them.
But to stop them would mean becoming less sensitive, which is a price not worth the cost.
We donāt have to feel ashamed.
We just have to take a moment to gather ourselves.
To let them empty themselves out.
And then to go to God in prayer,
thank him for the heart he gave us that we wear on our sleeve,
and let him fill us up with joy again.
Tears donāt make us weak.
Theyāre the lubricant that keeps our heart-gears turning when the world tries to jam it up. ā¤ļø
This is a word God gave me in prayer for someone today that I wanted to share because I believe it applies to so many. (Itās something He has had to free me from too, as I used to suffer from anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, etc.)
āStop claiming these demons by default! ā¤µļø {and make no mistake, that is what they are!}
āStop saying āmy anxiety; my depression; my demons; etc.ā ā {Yes, I know some Christians who even literally do say āIām struggling with my demons.ā No! You do not own demons! If you have received Jesus info your life, then this is not your inheritance! You have received freedom! For freedom he has set you free so donāt submit to those chains. Donāt accept them! We all do battle with demons but we do not take them into us as residential guests. Donāt accept over yourself what He has given you the power to reject! Reject these things and accept what He has given youā peace, love, joy and a sound mind! ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
āStop taking them as part of your identity! ā”ļøHere is your identity, faith friends. Hereās what God says about you! Read it aloud and own THAT. You are His and He is yours!
āBut nowā¦ listen to the Lord who created you.
ā¦the one who formed you says, āDo not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. ā¤ļø
I have called you by name; ā¤ļø you are mine. ā¤ļø
When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. ā¤ļø
When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. š¶
When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. šš„ā¤ļø
For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviorā¦
Do not be afraid, for I am with you.
I will gather you and your children from east and west.
I will say to the north and south, āBring my sons and daughters back to Israel from the distant corners of the earth.
Bring all who claim me as their God, for I have made them for my glory.
It was I who created them.ā
Bring out the people who have eyes but are blind, who have ears but are deaf.
Gather the nations together!
Assemble the peoples of the world!
Which of their idols has ever foretold such things? Which can predict what will happen tomorrow? Where are the witnesses of such predictions? Who can verify that they spoke the truth?
But you are my witnesses! says the Lord. You are my servant.
You have been chosen to know me, believe in me, and understand that I alone am God.
There is no other Godā there never has been, and there never will be. I, yes I, am the Lord, and there is no other Savior.
First I predicted your rescue, then I saved you and proclaimed it to the world.
No foreign god has ever done this. You are witnesses that I am the only God, says the Lord.
From eternity to eternity I am God. No one can snatch anyone out of my hand.
Yesterday I had two calls within a half hour of eachother that I did not answer, because they came up āspam riskā.
If it had just been one I would have not thought much of it, but when the second one came up my son asked who it was (probably because I donāt ignore calls often), and I said āSpam riskā and added āof course Iām not answering when it comes up like that.ā
Immediately after I said that, I thought to myself that I wish all the thoughts that are presented to our minds came with this kind of label.
You know the ones:
The fears.
The lies.
The attacks on our identities.
The icky thoughts that lie to us about others sometimes.
āāā
Wouldnāt it be handy if we had a spam-thought filter?!
āāā
āAhhh but you do,ā He whispered to my heart.
You just have to use it.
And to use it you have to slow down for a moment.
You canāt just āanswer any call.ā
You canāt just entertain any thought.
You must āā¦ capture rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ.ā (from 2 Cor. 10:5)
when these thoughts come in-
think of them as š„ SPAM- š„
then use that acronym to remind yourself what to do:
š„ Stop.
š„ Pray.
š„ And
š„ Meditate on the Word.ā
His wisdom in this truly stopped me in my tracks.
Who else needs a SPAM filter on their thoughts?
āāāāā
āFor though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.ā
āI love you this muchā my husband said to me once, when we were dating, as he held his fingers close together like I am doing in the photo below.
āWhat the heck?!?ā was my response, or something like it, if I remember correctly.
And then he proceeded to make a circular motion with the pointer finger of his other hand, as he added āall the way around the world and back.ā
Awwww, right?!
ā¤ļøāš»š
Last night God brought this picture to mind again, just when I needed to hear it.
And I think maybe someone reading this needs to hear it too, so Iām sharing.
You see, I love God with ALL of my heart, soul, mind, and strength.
If God were to ask me to demonstrate with my body how much I love Him, I would probably answer like my three year old does when I ask him that question.
Iād open my arms as wide as I possibly could, stand on my tippy toes to make myself as ābigā as possible, and stretch as far as I possibly could and Iād say just like my little guy does āThiiiiiiiisssss Much!ā
I donāt often try to demonstrate my love to God with body language like this.
But last night He revealed something to me about myself.
I have, often, tried to prove my love to him by demonstration.
āI love you so much that Iād give up drinking alcohol for you, God.ā š·
āI love you so much that Iāll give up the job I loved, because you told me to.ā
āWhat do you want me to do, God? How can I show you I love you?? Iāll do anything. Iāll leave any comfort zone!ā
And there have been times that He has led me to do some stuff, forgive some people, let go of some things Iād been clinging to, get rid of some āsecurity blanketsā, bless someone, listen to and pray for peopleā¦ but those werenāt demands you see, they were just opportunities that presented themselves, that I followed His lead in love in, and HE poured out love and Truth through me,
He gave me the compassion and forgiveness and love and desire in those moments. They werenāt a trying or a setting out to do something special in order to receive His love. They were demonstrations of his love, overflowing FROM a FULL heart.
But you see I think He has been showing me lately that there has always been, in some measure or other, a separation in my mind between my relationship with Him and my āroleā in His Kingdom- my āpurposeā in life.
And I think He is showing me that Iāve been trying to make Him proud of me, Iāve been trying to demonstrate my love to Him, by stretching my āfingersā, stretching my āarmsā, stretching myself as far as I possibly canā
to reach big and reach wide in intentional, planned works, (and theyāre good ones, donāt get me wrong, my intentions were and are good and pure, but my perception of Him and of how He needs to see my love were off.)
Iāve been the three year old saying āLook, daddy! I love you thiiiiiiiissss big! Did you see that? Do you know that? I need to know that you saw it and you felt it. I need to feel that you received it, that someone can understand this love thatās in my heart for you. Did I speak your love language ok, God? Did I love you and people well enough? Did I serve well enough? Did I say the words eloquently enough? Did I spend enough time with you? Am I spending enough time with them? (I feel like Iām falling short somewhere, thereās not enough hours.) Did I hug the ones who needed a hug? Did the happy mail I sent get received with the full measure of love in which I mailed it out? Or did I miss the mark?ā
I think one of my biggest issues is fearing āmissing the mark.ā Falling short. Failing Him. Failing someone else. Having someone else fail to understand me.
And last night he showed me that the times when I lack peace, the times when I feel unsettled, the times when I feel āin limboā- like the mail, the love, the words have been sent but Iām waiting to see how theyāre received- waiting to see if Iāve hit or missed the mark- His heart- Iām lacking in peace and feeling insecure because Iām SELF-conscious. In these moments Iām looking not at Him but at me.
So what He said to me- This visual He gave me- was so simple yet so profound!
āStop looking at the gap, Daylene.ā
āRemember when your hubby first showed you he loved you that much, and you felt really startled, anxious and insecure because you thought he was telling you that this tiny little gap demonstrated all the love he felt between him and you?ā
(Mmmm hmmmm. I did remember. But thankfully it didnāt last long before he elaborated and explained it to meā¦ that his love for me was āfrom one finger, all the way around the world and back again.ā)
āDaylene, in his mind the gap didnāt demonstrate the love. The entire world around it did!ā
āI want you to hear thisā¦.
LOOK AWAY FROM THE GAP.
I LOVE YOU PAST THE HILLS AND VALLEYS, DOWN THE RIVERS, UP THE MOUNTAINS, ACROSS THE OCEANS, PAST THE ATMOSPHERE FARTHER THAN THE MOON & STARS, PAST THE SUN, OUT OF THE GALAXY, AROUND THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE, and back again. And again. And again. Forever! (Like your Toy-Story boys have always said āTo infinity and BEYOND! š«)
My love for you is the āall the way around!ā
Stop looking at yourself-
stop looking at our love-
as if thereās a chasm between us
a gap that you have to fill
with your good works.
Understand that Iām the beginning AND the end,
That because youāve taken Jesus as your Savior, there IS no gap to be filled!
No performance
No proving of our love required by you-
because HE already proved it!
And your part was simply to accept it
and let Him fill in that chasm that once was-
the gap between you and my love.
The gap has FOREVER been filled, Daylene.
There is not a thing you could do to make me love you any more! Infinite is infinite!
Thereās not a thing that you or anyone else could fail to do, (outside of not accepting my son) that would make me love you any less. And even then I donāt love them any less, they just donāt get to feel it, because they havenāt allowed Jesus to fill that gap. (Think of an electrical circuit and how energy flows only when the circuit is closed with no gaps.)ā
ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøš”š”š”
It was as if the electrical circuit in my mind was closed! The gap in the circuit that I was trying to fill with grind, suddenly connected by a refreshed understanding of grace!
And a new understanding that grace isnāt just a new way of living (vs. grind)- it is also about a mindset! One that gets our eyes off of us and onto HIM!
And when we do that, we become SO FILLED with the current of His overwhelmingly, PURELY UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, that it charges us and our āpurposeā (the one besides just being receivers of this love of His) – the outflow of it, through the channel of service and love and giftings weāve been givenājust POURS out! And the worries about who received the overflow and how they receive it ā the self-consciousnessā are dimmed in the light of HIS love for us!
The SUN {SON} tends to overpower and āblindā us in the best of ways like that!
And when we understand that He loves others this same way too- All our loved ones like our spouses and our kids and all the people we feel responsible to lead to His loveā¦
That He is measuring the love in their relationships with Him, by His Son and NOT by their momentary levels of progress or closeness to the perfection theyāll one day display in Heavenā¦
That He doesnāt look at their gap and say Theyāre falling short here here and here. You better teach them how to fill those places in.
NO- Jesus will fill those in. Theirs AND ours. Over time, as we simply walk with Him and do life with Him and Holy Spirit woos us in.
In knowing this we become FREED from the heaviness of āhelping them to heavenāā¦ (or getting our own self there.)
Freed to trust God (even with our closest loved ones) to do what only HE can do in them.
To let God be God.
And just be whatever He created us to be in their lives:
Wife. Mom. Daughter. Sister. Aunt. Friend. Youth group leader. Encourager.
But PRIMARILYā¦ FIRST, (so that we CAN flow out)- HIS. Simply His, Beloved.
The other day my mom took my youngest son and my nephew and I to the fair and the shirt she was wearing wasnāt intentional but pretty much sums up the way she loves on people. (Do small things with great love š)
To some, a trip to the fair for treats and time spent together and and extra splurge for the special experience of making a stuffed animal might not seem big, but to us it did. Especially to our little guy! He has clung to his āMooseyā constantly since then!
In this season we have been called to make a scary but exciting faith jump into full time unpaid ministry and though Iām mostly excited about it and most days I donāt feel any fear or reservations about it, sometimes I am guilty of wondering if my kids will go without.
I can especially struggle with this when it comes to the little one because experiences that we gave our others when they were littleālike trips to the mall to make their own build-a-bears, or vacations to Disney or the beach, or getting one big Christmas gift and some little ones each year, or new clothes instead of hand-me-downsāthose things have really changed for us over the past few years, and he hasnāt really experienced them. And it feels a little āunevenā.
The day before my mom surprised us with this ālittleā (big to us) treat- I had a mini meltdown because we saw a train š and C said āCan my go on a train?!ā And I said āOhhhh yes! Not that train but maybe this winter we could take you to the train bubby and sissy rode on when they were little!ā And then it hit me that we may not have any income by then and I started crying which Iām super embrassed about but I do feel led to be authentic because Iām probably not the only one struggling with feelings like this- whether itās because of a faith jump or because this economy is leaving someone stretched.
But my husband was with me at the time and he reminded me that this life is so short in the perspective of eternity and the things that feel big (like memories made on a train or a vaca or whatever) will one day seem little when we are in Heaven. And that little blessings now, with gratitude, can seem really big! And he prayed over me for comfort and right-perspective as things in our life get ādifferent.ā
But God also has been reminding me that even though I donāt feel like I will have the ability to treat my kids to things, He is their Father too, and HE can.
He has been showing me through loved ones that they will not be without.
That HE will take care of them.
That He will make all grace abound to us through those that love Him and those that love us!
Sometimes when they know a need that is on our hearts – and sometimes even not a need but just a secret wish. A thing we could absolutely remind ourselves that itās ok to go without.
Like a build a bear at the fair.
Or a watch or a bike ārandomlyā gifted to our oldest son- by our pastor, and by our neighbor.
Or a bag of corn, or a melon, or steaks and green beans, or zucchini – gifted to us by my mom, and by a friend.
Or a sponsorship to a camp, and retreatsā for our kids, and for us.
Or pledges and donations to help feed us physically as we focus our attention on helping feed others spiritually.
Or the friend of our daughterās whose parents always treat her to ice cream along with their own girls.
Or our pastor who is letting us borrow his truck this weekend so we can still go camping with our camper in the spot we reserved months ago- before our truck gets fixed.
When youāre relying on grace, YOU FEEL the GREAT LOVE in every ālittle thingā that someone blesses you with!
Grace is pretty amazing.
So thankful for my mom and all our loved ones.
Tears of gratitude are so much better, and they come more easily these days as I see that EVERYTHING in this life is a gift!
Last night we picked our kids up from youth camp, and-since we got to be there for their last chapel- I had a tearing up moment too as I watched my daughter (who didnāt know that I was there yet or watching her) totally immersed in worship, hands up eyes closed – bold and unashamed, un-self-conscious. šš»āļøš„ā¤ļø
It took me right back to the moment I was on the beach years ago, praying desperately for a baby and I told God that if He would grant my desire I would see to it that Iād do everything I could to āgive my children back to Himā- as in, to help them know who He is and walk with Him.
At that time we were only sporadically going to church even and I had no idea that I could really KNOW God personally. In fact this was the very first time that I had ever asked Him to show me himself- by asking for a sand dollar to show up on the beach if He could hear me and if He would grant me this desire. And He did! Iāve shared the story before and I wonāt share it again in length here, but He DID, and it was AMAZING and I KNEW it was Him!
Thirteen years later, Iām watching my twelve year old daughter and my almost fifteen year old son worshiping Him along with some of our other youth group kids which Iāve grown to love, and Iām just taken aback. WOW are you good, God.
Over the years there have been times when I felt like such a failure as a parent, telling God āI donāt know how to āgive them back to youā- I feel totally inadequate at teaching them about you, so many other parents seem to be doing a much better job of storing the Word in their kidsā hearts.ā
In this moment He said to me, āDaylene, I never needed you to āgive them backā, I only wanted you to give yourself over to me fully and let them watch what happens as you do thatā¦let them SEE it, and FEEL it and be A PART of it.
Let them see you talking to me when youāre afraid of traffic and white-knuckling the steering wheel.
Let them see you crying out to me when youāre grieving and see that though you might have been HARD pressed on every side by pain you were not crushed because you had me helping to hold you up!
Let them see you in the sanctuary with your hands up and your eyes closed and -even in a room full of people where old you would have felt self-conscious, forgetting yourself entirely because youāve entered in to my presence.
Let them hear you with your headphones on and singing my praises unashamed and at the top of your lungs as you clean the house, or march around the living room in warfare prayer.
Let them see you being prayed over whenever something has you feeling āfrozenā in your faith. Ask them to be a part of praying over you, actually, the prayers of our youth a POWERFUL!
Let them see you āunfreezing othersā who are struggling, and it doesnāt look like anything fancy- just sitting around the table with a cup of coffee and ears to listen and a mouth to speak and encourage and share testimony. And let them see how people always leave feeling lighter and you always feel more joyful for having been a part of it!
Let them see you accepting help and offering it, even though both involve humbling yourself sometimes.
And let them seeā(and this is a different one)āeven though they are at the very top of the list of the most important relationships in your lifeātheyāre not first.
As much as itās normal to make kids our first in life, itās a place they werenāt designed to hold for us. They canāt handle all the pressure that comes with being MOST needed. How will they ever launch into what God has for their futures if theyāre afraid to leave and leave that big of a whole in our hearts?
So give them the gift of being not first but third.
After your personal relationship with Jesus, your heavenly husband.
After your relationship with their dad, your earthly husband.
But yes-a personal relationship with them comes before all the rest- your friendships, your work, even before your service in the church.
(And both of these things can leave you feeling guilty- not putting them first before me or your husband, and not putting service first before family, but donāt let it. Itās MY design-He reminds me- Not a decision youāre making on your own. And having this modeled for them (even though you wonāt be perfect at it) will help them have a good foundation for their own lives.)
You canāt give them to me, Daylene, He confides in me. They will have to choose themselves to come to me- for a personal relationship like you have.
Just be mine, beloved. BE LOVED.
Trust that I am God and Iāll pursue their hearts just like I pursued yours.
And in the meantime- keep sharing with them what my voice sounds like, what my leading looks like, and how it always aligns with my Word.
And simply encourage them to pursue me too.
Being patient, at times when the growth seems slow and remembering how it took you awhile too.
And being in awe at times when a growth spurt hits- when the Spirit falls on them- and though theyāre so young you can see me doing something that only I can do!
You can see now that my plans for you have always been good. My plans for your kids -and all your ābonus kidsā at youth group- are SO good too! ā¤ļø
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