To get a glimpse into the patience of God which we truly can’t fathom- we can look at the things which test ours and multiply those by billions. That’s how we humans test his. And He has been hanging on for thousands of years! Can you even imagine this?! I can’t.
Currently 2 of the 4 kids in my house are bickering and picking at each other.
I’m as annoyed by the one responding with squawks as I am with the one who started it to begin with.
Not in reason, but in emotion.
Logically I know that the one who started it is ultimately at fault, but my sense and emotions are affected- my serenity is interrupted- by both of them equally.
All I want is for them to treat each other kindly, consistently.
Eventually even seeking to be a blessing instead of a pest.
But they’re kids and they don’t get it.
(To be fair, it’s not as bad as when they were littles. And comparatively, it’s not bad at all. But it was still a moment that taught me something and I wanted to share.)
To God we are still kids.
We just don’t get it.
I believe Hs would like us to want to get it—
to understand why He wants us to get along, and to aim for that- His pleasure.
To try to at least.
But often we don’t.
We act in emotion.
We respond in emotion.
Sometimes intentionally
and sometimes reflexively.
He corrects us.
He also affirms us when we do well.
Now, I can barely manage this with my 3 kids.
I can’t imagine my friends with 6 or 8! 🧠
And mind blowing is thinking of God’s multiple generations of children, billions upon billions of them! 🤯
Have you ever seen a mom with even 2 or 3 kids who isn’t getting ruffled during 5 minutes of chaos?
Doesn’t it seem amazing- her grace?
I actually told a mother at preschool pickup this week how much I admired her patience and grace. It was impressive. Her kids were super chaotic, and she kept her calm so well. And it was so “not the norm” that I took notice— even though the whole episode lasted only about a minute or two.
God’s grace is absolutely, incomprehensibly amazing.
We can’t even begin to fathom it.
But here’s something else He brought to mind just now-
The next time you get frustrated with YOURSELF because you messed up again and you see how you’ve been a brat (again and again and again)…
…and the enemy tells you that you’ve tempted God’s patience? And you feel guilty about that. So you pull back…
…because you know you’ll most definitely, (even if you try not to)!keep messing up, and you know He doesn’t deserve that…
…so you pull away, bit by bit…
…and maybe you don’t even know you’re doing it, but eventually you can feel the distance even before anyone else can see it…
When that happens, to get back into His good grace again, we must stop looking at our own behavior for a moment and start looking at his face instead.
My own grace increases (even if only slightly) as I age.
I don’t get AS ruffled about all the things with kid 3 because kid 1 did the same things and he is mostly over it.
I know there’s light at the end of the toddler tunnel.
And in faith I can believe there’s light at the end of the pre-teen/teenager tunnel. (Although again, I’m pretty blessed with them.)
But God is different-
He CAN’T be tempted.
The Bible says it in James 1:14
“When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone…”
If grace can increase with age, consider-
He’s aged beyond the universe.
He has ALL the experience.
Nothing existed before Him
so nobody can be more experienced at this than him.
If seeing the light at the end of the tunnel brings more patience, consider-
He IS the light at the end of the tunnel.
(And the beginning of it!)
He KNOWS that we are going to get past this earthly- age too.
It’s just a stage.
Our behavior.
This Earth, even.
We are going to get through it.
HE is going to get us through.
And our kids too.
And KNOWING that brings the calm I need within the chaos of my mom-with-kids-at-home age. (Which again is a blessing, and this post is for perspective and to pass on His peace, not at all to imply that I’m still exasperated or am meaning to complain.)
Here’s the prayer He flowed out of my mouth as I surrendered the moment to Him:
“God, give me YOUR grace and patience for this moment-
all the moments, big or small-
because I don’t have much at all of it
(It’s why I feel annoyed to begin with).
But my faith is big enough that I know you give virtues, just like forgiveness.
We don’t have to have our own supply outside of you.
You lend us a spoonful of sugar at a time,
when life is too bitter…
too sour…
or even too blah.
You sweeten it up.”
Mommas-
Sometimes when I want to jump right away to assigning time outs, I first have to allow myself to take a timeout with Him instead.
and not worry about hiding it away for the future.
Resist the urge to be afraid that lack (of anything- provision, health, safety, blessings, joy) is coming.
God will be in the future, just like he has been in the past.
But today he is here- walking with us- in the present!
And because
🎶 THIS is the day the Lord has made
Let us rejoice and be glad in it! 🎶
24 hours at a time, let’s choose joy! ☀️
————
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:25-34 NIV
It’s exhausting, wrestling against temptation and sin, and bad habits and negative thoughts, isn’t it?
When we get saved, all that doesn’t stop.
We learn real quick (and have to be reminded often)- that salvation isn’t just a one-time thing.
I myself need it daily! Multiple times a day, even.
Not just to be saved from eternal death, but also saved from sin’s power over me now.
Saved from the enemy’s lies that I’m not good enough. Or that it’s even about me being good enough.
Saved from my self. My own desires that aren’t good for me.
The bad news: The enemy doesn’t let go without a fight.
He knows our weaknesses. He knows areas we have caved in the past. He knows our pain points. And he constantly brings those things back up. He stabs us, and then he pokes his finger in the wound.
The good news: God isn’t going to let us go without a fight either! He wants to fight FOR us. And He is guaranteed to win.
He doesn’t want us battling things on our own. He wants us tagging Him in.
Trusting Him for our salvation in any and every situation.
Confiding in Him when we are tempted- unafraid of condemnation, because we know that his intentions for us are not that we’d be condemned, but that we’d be cut free from that fear, by faith in what Jesus did for us on the cross.
So- when we are exhausted
from fighting the enemy’s lies,
from TRYING to fight fear with faith,
from TRYING to be a good person or be seen as a good person,
He comes beside us and offers to change our focus…
to embracing His Truths,
TRUSTING that His grace is sufficient for us, both when we feel bold AND when we feel afraid,
Knowing, that compared to the only standard we are supposed to set ourselves beside (Jesus), we are NOT good people- not one of us,
that ALL fall short,
and yet Jesus’s love for us was so perfect, He died for us, to bridge the gap between us and God just the same…
Suddenly, We find ourselves set free from the enemy’s snare.
Suddenly, We can see that we don’t have to get out of anything on our own.
That God has been waiting all along for us to humble ourselves (get a proper perspective about our part in it all, Him being the big fighter who frees us, and our small part simply inviting Him into each and every battle.)
It doesn’t matter what our record with the enemy is.
God’s record has always been, and always will be 100-0.
Jesus says that He hasn’t lost ONE sheep given to Him.
So you see, we are GUARANTEED to win this spiritual struggle, so long as we give ourselves and each and every one of our battles, over to Him.
The key to fighting isn’t avoiding tapping out by seeing how long we can hold on or stay in…
I started to write a lengthy post about what this sign meant to me today.
About how the world is dreary and this day is dreary and to the naked eye, and according to the weather forecast – the sun isn’t coming back out for awhile.
My app glitched and the post deleted, and to be honest, I didn’t have the energy nor the focus to articulate what’s been on my heart for the second time. It took all I had to get it out the first.
So I will keep it simple. Like this sign. Which was why I doubled back around the block to begin with, to take this photo.
He used its beautiful matter-of-fact-ness to speak to me today,
although believing it takes an act of faith:
Here comes the sun. 🌧 ⛅️ ☀️
(Here comes the Son.) ✝️
It doesn’t matter what it looks like.
It doesn’t matter what anyone says.
It doesn’t matter how many gloomy days the world will see before He arrives.
He’s coming!
He’s on His way!
And that gives us hope.
In the meantime, as little and insignificant as we may sometimes feel in this world, we believers have the big job of bearing His light within us now, and shining it in small ways to bring some hints of light to the dark world around us. 🕯
His Kingdom is here! Now! And getting brighter! It will be seen in all its glory- all HIS glory when He arrives for the grand finale!
The new heaven and new Earth will have no sickness, no death, no sorrow, no selfishness, no wars, no worries, no pain, no heartache. No tears and no fears!
And you know how it’s easier to get through the gloomy days when there’s light at the end of the tunnel?
When you SEE sunshine in the forecast and can look forward to it?
It’s like that with Him too!
We must forecast His arrival with eyes of faith.
We don’t get to know the day or the hour the Son will arrive.
But we can know He is faithful to fulfill His Word!
We can choose to live each day, expectantly, reminding oueselves, exhorting each other with the simple reminder (which helps us keep on keeping on until then!):
I had a dream last night and it was the best kind. A symbolic dream from the heart of my Heavenly Father, and He didn’t leave me guessing long what its application was to be in this life.
In the dream, my husband and I and our family were in the market for a home. We were driving around this city, and I was looking for big, beautiful, perfect-looking homes with for sale signs in the front yard. I thought my husband was looking for the same.
We pulled into a cul-de-sac. I told him he had turned one road too soon. There were no for-sale signs here. But he got out of the car, kids in tow, and knocked on the door- so I followed.
He said to the man who answered the door, “We are looking for a home to buy and live in. Budget isn’t an issue. We just want a place that feels like home. Could we come in and look at yours?”
I remember thinking it strange that the man would accept such a funny self-invitation and open the door to us. Why didn’t he give us a bewildered look and close it in our faces? After all- there wasn’t even a for sale sign in the yard.
But he did accept it. He opened the door to us.
He introduced us to his family and let them know we were looking for a home, and that while they hadn’t planned to sell theirs- we had made an offer that was irresistible (budget not being an issue) and so they were going to invite us in to see if their home would fit the bill for us.
The next part I remember finding equally as funny/shocking. (Such things happen in dreams all the time, because they’re dreams- but in this dream I didn’t know I was dreaming and so the emotions were all pretty real.)
So I was walking all around this house, doing what most prospective home-purchasers do: evaluating.
Judging, what was good and what was not, what we’d have to change and what, if any, features were charming and desirable to stay.
And this home was a MESS.
Clearly loved,
clearly taken care of the best the family could-
but a mess
compared with what I had expected- especially for a budget like we were bringing to the table.
(Mind you- in real life- our budget is anything but unlimited, so there’s symbolism here that God showed me later, that goes beyond this illustration.)
On the outside, it was in a great neighborhood.
On the outside, it was polished and more perfect-looking, though not actually perfect-
unpretentious and inexplicably charming in a way I couldn’t put my finger on.
But on the inside: a structural mess like nobody would have guessed, which makes it even more of a wonder that they let us in to begin with.
Sagging ceilings.
Layers of paint chipping severely off the walls.
Stairs that were crooked.
Clearly foundation issues.
And – the most bizarre of things— a toilet right inside the front door…
I had already decided from the moment I saw the first two of those issues, the toilet and the ceilings, that this place was not for us. I could not see myself making a home here.
But my husband? Where had he ventured off to? He and my boys were playing video games with the kid that lived there. Up the crooked stairs. Past the badly chipping paint. I could hear them laughing through the sagging ceilings. (Sagging so badly I was almost fearful for their safety, that they could fall through at any moment.)
I called to him that we needed to leave. I tried to politely excuse ourselves. I knew that he knew what I was insinuating (that this wasn’t the place for us, wasn’t what we were looking for), but he was pre-occupied. He stopped to have conversation with the man, the dad, who lived there. And the mom too. About their life, their story, about themselves, and finally about the condition of the inside of the house- though not in a judgmental kind of way, or a way that would indicate that the house was worth any less to us (or that they’d receive any less compensation, should we be invited to move in, which at this point I had deemed out of the question, with how much renovation it would entail, and I was incredulous that my husband was still “entertaining” the idea. Was he just being polite? Had he lost his mind? This was not the place for us. It was SO much work. Unsafe even.)
Finally I had gathered my children and gave cordial goodbyes to the family we had met. While I didn’t want to move in, I also genuinely appreciated their authenticity and openness to not only welcome us inside, but to go on about normal life while we were in their home, as if it wasn’t bizarre at all that a stranger had come to examine their dwelling and see if perhaps it was worth making an offer on.
As I prepared to part it was as if I could hear their inmost heart-thoughts:
“If anyone is silly enough to make an offer on this falling-down structure, then we surely ought to take it. Though I’m not exactly sure where we’d go. We’ve been so underwater for awhile with this place, that we have never considered having the opportunity to fix it or to find a home that’s more pleasant to live in.”
“There was no time to prepare it or cover up any of the damage, but a far-fetched shot is better than none at all. And besides, the buyers look like a nice enough family. They should know what they’re getting into.”
“I wonder why they stopped here anyhow. Even on the outside our house isn’t the most spectacular one in the neighborhood, and it wasn’t even listed for sale. They surely had no idea what a mess they’d find inside. They’ll certainly high-tail it out of here, never to be seen again.”
(Which is what I distinctly remember wanting to do, in my dream.)
But as we buckled in our babies, and shut the car doors, my husband said the most shocking thing of the day- of our lives, even:
“That’s the one! Let’s move in. With them.
It’ll take a lot of work but we can do it together.
Let’s give them over market price for their home, but I want them to stay too.”
Say what?!?
Oh was I protesting inside. And so bewildered. I didn’t get it AT ALL. I thought he had lost his mind. I nearly choked on the words that were getting ready to come out of my mouth…
And then… I woke up.
And it wasn’t even mysterious what the dream had been about. He didn’t leave me guessing at all, He went right into explaining it:
—————
He said to me:
I am your heavenly husband. (I often relate to Jesus this way, because my marriage is the closest relationship which resembles how Jesus feels about us, His people, individually…the Bible tells us such.)
I don’t go looking for “perfect” homes (places for me to live, abide in.) I already have the perfect home, in heaven.
I don’t only consider the ones which are listed for sale. (The people actively looking for me. Sometimes, often, I go looking for, considering them, even when they’ve never heard of me or thought of inviting me in at all.)
I don’t think about resources the way you do. I don’t need the “most bang for my buck” – I MAKE the “bang”. (I speak and things happen.) I have ALL the bucks. (I have unlimited resources. Everything under Heaven and Earth is mine.)
I am not looking for people to add value to me, I am looking for people who can see the value I can add to them- and who are willing to invite me in!
Maybe at first people invite me in, for the hope of what I can do for them, physically. But once we have visited they find me so strangely refreshing, different from the world, that they want me to stay. They want to get to know me because I’m unlike anyone they’ve ever met before.
I don’t care about what the world cares about.
I don’t focus on what society focuses on.
I am not concerned with the building you live in,
your status in society,
or even the “building” of your body
and whether it appears to be in good shape (worthy of purchasing/living in)
to anyone else
or not.
What I care about- is you.
The REAL you.
The spirit you.
You are a spirit,
that lives in a body,
and has a soul (mind, will, and emotions.)
When I’m knocking on doors,
I’m not primarily looking for a place to live-
for my benefit-
remember, I have that in heaven.
My ways are not like your ways.
My thoughts are not like your thoughts.
I’m looking for people who will see the value in me, and invite me in – openly-
to their real dwellings.
Their selves.
And I don’t merely want to purchase them,
possess them.
Take over their homes and kick them out.
(The enemy does that. But that’s not the focus of the day.)
I want to knock on their door and make them an offer that seems absurd to the world.
To pay it all, handle it all, help with it all, deal with it all- with them!
I want to ABIDE with them.
I want to DO LIFE with them.
I want to them to get to know me,
let me get to know them.
Authentically and Intimately.
I want to make my home with them.
And then- when we are functioning as a family, I want to go to work with them, repairing the house together. Not just doing it for them always (even though I could), but doing it with them because I enjoy spending every bit of time together, and I enjoy teaching and imparting my wisdom, and I enjoy watching the learning and growth process in them and watching them “get it” and find joy as they do.
Project by project.
Room by room.
I will work on their house (body) and with them (their spirit.)
This is sanctification.
I- Salvation- entered in, the moment they opened the door.
Sanctification-
Being “fixed up”-
that is a lifelong process
and we do it together,
with me in the lead.
You are my creation.
This is what I have chosen for my life’s work.
Saving you and fixing you up- for your benefit!
I am different than people.
I already have it all, so I am able to go into things out of pure love – unconditionally- wanting what’s in it for you.
And the very best thing that’s in it for you,
beyond any financial thing,
or any physical thing,
or any thing that the world could offer-
is ME.
My unconditional love and fellowship.
My company.
Doing life with me.
It may seem absurd really, when you think about it, the creator and king of the universe wanting to move into YOUR home, YOUR heart, WITH you.
Why would I want to?
Because I see you and I love you.
I already know you before you know me.
And I’ve been waiting patiently to approach you, I’ve been anticipating you opening the door to me!
I see behind the surface,
and beyond the mess that’s past the surface.
I knew just what awaited behind that door before I even knocked.
Nothing is a surprise to me.
And nothing is too much for me,
too big of a mess for me to handle.
But before we work on any messes together,
I just want to come in.
I just want to talk to you.
I just want to meet you where you are and do life with you.
Not AFTER the projects and once you feel more perfect.
NOW.
You are spirit.
Your physical improvements can wait a moment, and we can work on those together.
And I need you to see that.
And now I’m knocking.
I’m here for YOU, right now.
Can we just chat?
Can you open up the door and let me in,
can we visit?
Can you get to know me enough to know that I come for the REAL you?
That I don’t need the house – your physical self or your physical house, to be straightened up and pretty before we talk…?
I don’t want to just be a visitor you straighten up for, before our visits each day. I want to be an occupant. Who does life together with you, and who straightens up with you too. I want to be your family.
All this is going to pass away anyway…
Your physical house will one day be gone.
Along with the whole earth.
Your physical body will pass away too.
But YOU- the real you- your spirit-
it will live forever.
Either with me, or away from me.
And I don’t wait for the end of your life,
to begin our living together.
(And it doesn’t work that way anyway. You have to accept me now, in this world, in order for me to take you into my world in eternity. I’ve already chosen you but you have to choose me too.)
I’m here-
Knocking-
NOW!
I want to be part of your life and your family,
I want to help provide for you and secure you and take the loads of this earthly life on with you- NOW.
Will you open up?
Will you accept my “bizarre” self-invitation?
Will you share this with others, so it becomes a more normal concept, and they’ll be more likely to let me in when I come to them?
———
This dream was so rich I’m still opening it up layer by layer.
I’ve already let Him into my life.
Opened the door to my messy abode and welcomed Him in.
I’ve already come to know and love Him and I’m able to testify that He truly is like no other!
So before I sit down and talk to him about what the rest of the dream means, for me, I couldn’t wait to share His invitation with you.
You don’t have to believe you’re worthy.
NONE of us are, actually.
Imperfect and messy and all-
Trying to this point, or not-
I pray that you’ll lay it all aside in this moment.
And start a wonderfully authentic life with Him.
And I’ll be there too- in the way that I can be.
The Church will. (The people.)
That’s what fellowship is.
That was the most shocking part of the dream to me, really.
He moves the whole family right on in!
And in a day where it’s so much easier –
and so tempting-
to “just do us”,
separate,
life on our own terms-
it’s challenging to think about that.
About lovingly dealing with others’ messes, with Him,
not in a judgmental way,
but in a way that comes alongside,
cares more about others than self,
is willing to not only go through the process in our own homes which is difficult enough, but is also willing to help with cleanup in the bigger house-the bigger family- too.
That used to seem so intimidating.
But wow- in His presence it seems exciting.
Getting in on more of it.
Seeing-
FEELING-
just how ridiculous His love is for us,
how infinite!
It’s breath-taking, really.
Mind-boggling.
———
Revelation 3:20-
“Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.”
John 14:23-
“Jesus answered him, “Those who love me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and my Father and I will come to them and live with them.”
That’s how many notes I had in my phone last week, when I decided to hit the delete button and purge the pressure I had been building up on myself to do something with them. “Make them count.”
Almost all of them were prayer notes I had jotted down, though not a traditional prayer list format.
More like something would be on my heart and I’d type it out to God, and then sit still for a moment and let his Spirit flow through me in response,
and often He would flow so quickly, so freely, like a wave rolls onto a beach shore,
that I’d find myself jotting down His answers to me in real-time as they came, before the wave receded and I could forget what He had said.
Note upon note full of his goodness.
A document of our growing relationship for the past seven or eight years.
Like the notebook my husband and I used to pass back and forth when we were dating in high school.
God is so real. So relational. So personal.
So so good.
But over the years, as I’ve collected the notes – along with actual notebooks full of the same – I’ve noticed something else:
Part of that collecting didn’t feel good, and I didn’t know why. Until He told me this week, and He helped me to let our collection go.
What He whispered to my soul was something along the lines of this:
“It’s hard to embrace living forward, if you’re too weighed down with the looking-back.”
Not that there’s not value in the past.
There certainly is!
Memories give us both lessons and a bank of gratitude for his goodness to go to when we need faith for the future and present.
When we remember all He has brought us through, and how real our feelings and our problems were, but how much REALER and bigger our God was (and IS) – it helps us put current concerns into perspective.
But sometimes dwelling on the past TOO much, even in the ways He has spoken to us in the past, overfills our capacity and our reliance upon real-time Jesus. Not just the memory of Him, but the Him who is right here, right now, standing beside God and interceding for us, communicating with us through the Holy Spirit. Doing life with us!
The high-school season of my relationship with my husband was a sweet time.
There are many parts I’ll never forget.
Like the time he humored me and let us dress up as the king and queen of hearts for Halloween.
Or the time I got grounded from my car, but wanted to see him so badly that I rode my bicycle 7 miles out to his house. (I totally got in trouble for that, as my kids’ would absolutely be in trouble if they did the same, but at the time it felt worth it. 😉)
But as many of those beautiful memories as we have, if I spent more time reflecting on them than I did enjoying the current moment with my husband…
In the relationship we have NOW-
In this season of life
In this year, this season, this month, week, day…
I’d be missing out.
And dare I say- making something like an idol? Relishing an old image/old version of my husband more than loving him for who he currently is?
I loved high school Brett. The boy with tan skin and dark hair, and big brown eyes that made my stomach flutter.
But I love 35-year old Brett even more. The man with the marks on his hands, from years of working hard for our family. The man with touches of gray in his beard – “experience.” The man with a few lines by his eyes from decades of smiling and playing with our kids and being animated. When I look at my husband, I not only don’t care that he isn’t the version of himself that he was when we first fell in love- but I’m glad that he isn’t. I’m glad we have transformed together, aged together, enjoyed and gotten through so much life together. Nothing stays the same forever on this Earth. It wasn’t designed to.
And Jesus? Well He is my other lifelong love. The first that loved me, long before I even set my eyes upon Him. The one that laid His life down for me, before I was ever formed in my mother’s womb. Also the one who walked beside me – beside us as a couple, a family – through all life’s ups and downs. There is a rich history there. I cherish it.
But He’s also NOW.
He’s also the man that communicates with me on a daily basis, through the Holy Spirit.
The only one in the entire universe that I could never exhaust with my never-ending questions and needs for guidance, and love, and support.
The only one I can rely on to be there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and PAST “death do us part” (because He already died, but he rose again, and He says that starting now and for ever and always – the communication between us never has to be broken, ended or paused!)
My love for Jesus, similar to my love for my husband, has much less to do with any physical appearance than it does with the connection of our hearts and our souls.
I think sometimes imagining an image of Him can almost be like creating an idol- in that if we let our focus be too much on what He might look like, we miss the point- that’s it’s not about appearance, it’s about transcendence.
We are all spiritual beings, who have souls and live in bodies.
God came to us in human form, not so that we could only focus on his body but moreso that we could observe his soul- mind, will, and emotions. So we could see the struggles and temptations he went through, and yet see how he thought about them and handled them differently than anyone else in the world. And then so we would KNOW that we need, and gladly receive, the Holy Spirit that He said He was sending us- so we could have EVERYTHING He came to give us:
The Bible, a document of God’s love over all time, and of Jesus’s life and examples and loads of wisdom.
But also HIMSELF- His very Spirit, dwelling with our spirits- and enough to be that for each of us.
He gave His physical life once. And that is mind-blowing that someone would do that for us.
But I think what some of us miss, is that He gives His spiritual life to us, day in and day out.
24/7/365 and for eternity.
Isn’t that’s something incredible to think about?
I believe that continuing to remain in love with Him requires both remembering our history together and also living in the present- aware and appreciative of His presence.
And just like any relationship, the longer it goes on, for the passion to remain- the more important it is that our focus on the former doesn’t exceed the latter!
We can’t be more grateful for the past than we are in the present, or we will always be looking back!
And Jesus says that no matter where we are in this life – there’s always more to look forward to in the future! (Which extends beyond the end of this world.)
“But forget all that— it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness….Yes, I will make rivers in the dry wasteland so my chosen people can be refreshed. I have made Israel for myself, and they will someday honor me before the whole world.” Isaiah 43:18-21 NLT
“I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back. So let’s keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision—you’ll see it yet! Now that we’re on the right track, let’s stay on it. Stick with me, friends. Keep track of those you see running this same course, headed for this same goal. There are many out there taking other paths, choosing other goals, and trying to get you to go along with them. I’ve warned you of them many times; sadly, I’m having to do it again. All they want is easy street. They hate Christ’s Cross. But easy street is a dead-end street. …All they can think of is their appetites. But there’s far more to life for us. We’re citizens of high heaven! We’re waiting the arrival of the Savior, the Master, Jesus Christ, who will transform our earthy bodies into glorious bodies like his own. He’ll make us beautiful and whole with the same powerful skill by which he is putting everything as it should be, under and around him.” Philippians 3:12-21 MSG
These verses encourage me to look forward more than I look back!
And the passage from Philippians- I believe hidden there lies the answer as to why I needed to purge my excessive personal documents of the past.
Because much of what Jesus does for me, is working me through all the struggles of my flesh.
Much of my writing, and journaling is about my battles with circumstances, fleshy mindsets, and temptation. And then the Spirit’s response to me, about those things, which is what has gotten me through.
But if I’m too focused on the past tests and pressuring myself to go back to them and “make them count more” by collecting and sharing every single one in a book, as if it could guide anyone else…I’m miserable. Which is what was happening.
I was feeling like a failure because the enemy would get me back into works-mode again, telling me that if I really appreciated the way God saved me, then I would show it by passing it on- and helping to save others from similar messes.
But guess what?
Jesus took that weight right back off.
He reminded me of the Truth – that it is ALWAYS Him who saves! Not us.
Our testimonies and encouragement are important and they have a place. But they should flow and keep flowing from a real-time fullness, from relationship with Him. Like waves endlessly washing over and smoothing and refreshing the sand on the shore.
And though sometimes I feel that compiling a coherent book would make me feel like I “had it together” (fully understood what He has been and was doing in me…)
He reminds me that I don’t have to have it all together…
I can’t fully understand Him…
I may never see the full picture of what He was doing in me, through me, or in this world that had nothing to do with me individually…
But my peace doesn’t depend on my understanding. It depends on my dwelling and abiding in Him.
And my desire to help anyone else achieve inner peace, has nothing to do with my ability to help others understand either…
Peace is a person and His name is Jesus.
He’s beyond understanding.
He’s beyond grasping intellectually.
But He’s RIGHT HERE, ready to be grabbed ahold of!
Ready for us to walk in REAL-TIME relationship with Him.
And day by day, moment by moment, that’s the message I desire to spend my life sharing — demonstrating this reality with my children, enjoying it as a couple with my husband, and passing along to anyone else who will listen.
The Holy Spirit helps us experience the GREAT STUFF!
And we don’t have to be afraid of running out of great moments, or milestones, because He never runs out! His rivers never run dry!
There’s ALWAYS more, where that came from.
What a pressure-release it is to purge the focus on the past, to live in the present, and to look forward to the future,
Last week, we were blessed with a fifty-four degree day, in between two snowstorms. I was super excited for some fresh air, but didn’t so much think about the repercussions of a foot of snow melting in just a few hours. Our basement {which houses both my office and a bedroom} flooded, and all my toiling to use towels and our carpet cleaner to suction up the water just couldn’t keep up with it. It finally stopped, but even with a fan the water still hadn’t dried up, so yesterday we had to rip up the carpet and underlay and get down to the bare floor.
As I was pulling up tack strips, it occurred to me — that our souls can get that way too sometimes, can’t they?
Flooded.
We can go from having nothing going on, to having too much going on- all at once. So quickly we don’t have the capacity to gracefully handle it.
Sometimes we do pretty well at handling things, a bit at a time, but when it all comes pouring in unexpectedly, we can get flooded and overwhelmed. And our emotions can get… messy.
And maybe it’s tempting to just shut the door to the basement and pretend that the flood isn’t there…deny those overwhelmed emotions and just keep going on, pretending as if nothing were out of the ordinary.
But if we did that with our basement, we’d end up with mold and more damage. More of a mess to be cleaned up later.
And if we do that with our souls, God showed me it’s the same.
And yet, even then, we are not too much of a mess for Him to clean up.
But we have to be willing to open the door to Him.
Let Him in. Let Him go to work in us.
Bit by bit, we have to cooperate with Him,
resisting the urge to ignore the problems or deny them, or keep them behind closed doors, with “towels” thrown over them but the issue not really taken care of.
When God comes in, and it’s just a little water…truly just a small thing that is overwhelming us, He can help us “suck it up.”
I don’t know about anyone else, but I NEED His help, even in the little things, because I’m not good at “sucking it up” on my own.
Even tiny things can make me feel less than peaceful, and rob me of my joy.
But with HIS help, I can be restored quickly when those little things arise.
He helps me dry up the tears and the fears and the would-be damage of failures and misunderstandings and offenses and concerns.
But sometimes, it’s not just a little bit of water that’s coming in. Sometimes it’s a flood of emotions.
Like the five miscarriages we went through.
Or losing my dad.
Or like a lot of hard things I have seen friends and loved ones go through.
And sometimes no amount of “sucking it up” is sufficient. Even when we turn to Him.
Not that he COULDN’T help us in that way, but that sometimes He helps us through those floods in other ways, and uses them even, for our good.
(Even though He doesn’t cause those bad things or wish for them to happen. And even though they are NOT at all good.)
When those things happen, the process He often takes us through very much resembles the process we are going through with our basement right now:
He has to help us stop everything for a moment, as much as possible, and deal with the mess.
Take out all the “stuff” that’s on top of the carpet, on top of the foundation, so that we can get to the root of the problem.
Check our foundation itself, (our relationship with Him), for gaps.
Let Him fill in any cracks there.
In our heart and soul.
Then- and only then, once the foundation of our identity in Him has been restored, He wants to help us rebuild upon the Rock (Jesus). He wants to restore our lives and our other relationships.
When the floodwaters rise, we must resist with everything in us the temptation to tend to the upper levels of our lives, and neglect the base. (Our relationship with Him.)
The enemy might tell us that it’s not important, or that we don’t have time to attend to it when our two-story lives are crashing down.
He might also tell us that it’s God’s fault that these things are happening to us to begin with. That He caused them, or could have stopped them but didn’t. Satan wants us to believe that God doesn’t love us or doesn’t have our backs. But it’s simply not true.
The Truth is that Satan is the father of all lies. (John 8:44).
The Truth is that God loves us so much that he gave His one and only Son- so whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).
Jesus himself told us in John 16 (it’s necessary to read the whole chapter but this is a part of that)— is “There is so much more I want to tell you, but you can’t bear it now. When the Spirit of truth (the Holy Spirit) comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own but will tell you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future. He will bring me glory by telling you whatever he receives from me. All that belongs to the Father is mine; this is why I said, ‘The Spirit will tell you whatever he receives from me.’” John 16:12-15 NLT
The whole Bible is full of the Truth.
That God loves us.
That Jesus laid down His life for us.
That the Holy Spirit longs to fill us and comfort us and help us get through ALL the floods, and help us to feel the presence of Jesus deeply inside us, so that we never believe the enemy’s lies that we are broken, flooded, damaged goods, or all alone.
I never wanted to go through some of the floods I went through. God didn’t want that for me either. Though He did warn me that in this world, things like that happen:
“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 NLT
Take heart.
It’s not a flippant, empty comfort.
Not a pat-on-the back “It’s all small stuff, don’t sweat it” line of bull crap.
It’s an instruction to the place of comfort…
some of the last words of Jesus before He went to the cross
Before He willingly took on the pains and punishments of this world so that He could understand instead of being a God who can’t relate to us,
and so that He could open up the door to the Father once again that Adam’s sin (and everyone’s since) had kept locked…
So that He could send the Holy Spirit, to GIVE us HIS heart and courage and comfort and love, when we are so weak that we cannot even “take heart” on our own.
Dwelling on the depth of this love of His for us, being sucked in by that- it’s the only way to suck the floodwaters off of our souls, so that we can breathe again… and be restored…and build upon our eternal lives, our SOUL lives, so that we will still be standing (in our new bodies, in the new Heaven and Earth) even when this life is over.
And looking back I can thank God for the floods even, because without them, I’d have never pulled up the “carpet” of all the cares and “callings” and blessings of this world, to discover the richness and firmness of His foundation.
Jesus said “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.” Matthew 7:24-27 NLT
And the most beautifully undeserved blessing, for me, is that even when I built upon sand, and even when life felt like it collapsed…he gathered all my pieces, put me back together, put His Word in my heart, and is helping me build my eternal life on Him.
As long as you’re alive, it’s never too late to start building what matters most- your ETERNAL LIFE- on the foundation of Jesus, with Him.
What the enemy meant to drown us with, to flood us with, God can use even that to give us a fresh start.
I was laying on my bed today, resting in the warm glow of the sun that was spilling through my bedroom window.
As my eyes came to rest on this picture I have hanging on my wall, they landed on the last word of the verse and just settled there.
“A future…”
Such a loaded word.
One I think of quite often,
wondering what our future will look like.
The future of this world, not even just in the distant future but in the next few years.
The future of our family. How many generations will I get to see? What will that look like, feel like?
But I don’t usually think on that for too long.
Today has enough of its own concerns, the good Word reminds me.
Still though,
there’s this verse,
in all its ambiguity…
“For I know the plans I have for you,
declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.”
This same promise is to all who believe in Him and will follow after Him,
walking into the plans He has for us.
I think what trips us up though,
is we think of that “walking” only in the flesh,
and we focus on our feelings instead of the Spirit.
And feelings- whether good or bad, are so enveloping that when we are wrapped up in them, it’s as if there’s nothing beyond them.
It’s as if they’ll last forever.
But with time, we discover that this simply isn’t true. (Which is why relationships and our lives must be rooted deeper than just feelings. We must anchor our souls to faith instead…)
But as I was resting in this moment,
I had some thoughts…
You know that feeling when you’re young
and you’re graduating?
And you have your whole future ahead of you?
The hope that comes with that?
Or when you’re standing at the altar,
or holding hands on your honeymoon,
and planning for the life you dream of living together?
Or when you’re holding a tiny newborn,
and you look into their face and wonder what they’ll grow into, and you find that suddenly all your hopes and dreams are now BEYOND you, you long for this little one to be blessed in life far more than you even wanted it for your own self?
So good.
But do you know the feeling when (think) you’ve “blown” the pretty plans you had for your future?
Or when life didn’t go the way you thought it would?
Or when you’re just scraping by and beginning to run out of hope, that you’ll ever get out of the paycheck to paycheck cycle?
Or when the pain of infertility and miscarriages has rendered you virtually unable to hope for a baby again?
Or the feeling when you’ve lost a loved one, and you think to yourself – whatever wonderful things your future may hold, it could just never be the same amount of wonderful as it would have been if they were still here…?
Or maybe the one who stood at that altar with you, dreaming and vowing, didn’t keep their promises, or you didn’t keep yours. And now the picture that you had painted together of what you thought the future would look like has been damaged?
Or maybe you’re ill,
Or in the final years of a long life,
Or maybe- you’re thinking of a young life that was gone too soon…
And you wonder-
What about you?
What about them?
Where is the hope, God?
Where’s the future?
When the nest is empty,
When you can no longer work the job that fulfilled you,
When the casket has been closed
the dirt piled on top,
the grass grown over it as time has passed
like nothing ever happened to it at all.
And the world marches on as if you were never even in it?
What then?
Where’s the promise?
Where are the good plans, when it not only doesn’t feel good but it ISN’T?
When nothing in the whole world could put your whole world together again? 💔
Well those are exactly the times we find that we need something {Someone} OUT of this world! ❤️
We need a Savior that can heal it all.
Broken hearts.
Broken bodies.
Dead dreams.
Death itself.
We need a Savior that can give us something BEYOND this life. We all long for that, deep down.
We were made for a place where everything is perfect.
No death.
No pain.
No destruction.
No deception.
No imperfection.
No doubt. No fear. Just perfect love.
Our soul’s longing for that didn’t change,
when the world did after the first sin.
What changed is that what we believed and hoped for- what we knew was waiting for us- turned into a wish instead.
Adam’s wish- and Eve’s-
“I wish I didn’t do that.
I wish I could go back.”
When we make a mistake,
mess up our “perfect”,
we sound like that too, don’t we?
Or even when it’s not about a mistake-
we wish we could go back.
To when life was simpler.
Love was newer.
Kids were younger.
Hair hadn’t gotten grayer,
or skin saggier.
The longer time marches forward,
the more it would make sense for us to feel
hope-less…
And we often do…
UNLESS…
Unless we know that it’s not the end.
That this life isn’t all there is.
It’s just a warm-up.
An audition.
With only ONE thing to get right…
Only one qualifier that will separate those who will dwell in the literal Heaven and perfection of His Presence for eternity, ❤️
From those who will refuse the present of His offer, and dwell forever in the hell of being away from Him, and the torment (among other torments) of a soul that still longs for perfection and heaven but will never get to arrive in it. 💔
And this is it –
“Will you believe in Jesus?”
“Will you follow Him?”
“Will you follow the one- who rose up out of the grave?”
“Will you reach up, in praise, and ask Him to help you out of the graves –
of guilt,
grief,
grinding,
that are burying you before you’re even dead?”
“Will you believe that He’s got something more for you? Even if you can’t see it? Hope and a future BEYOND your time in this world, but which you can experience some feelings of, starting now- at the very moment you decide to put your hope in HIM, and not your finances or circumstances, or any of this world’s statuses…”
What if I told you that His plans, were to give you a seed…
A seed that would grow inside you
and transform you from within?
A magical seed that may or may not change your world- this world that you’re currently in…but would most certainly change YOU and your perspective of the world…the universe…eternity.
(But likely, certainly even, a changed you would in fact change some part of your world- like a tree changes the landscape it is in. Providing shade from the heat. Providing fruit for the hungry. Without even trying.)
That’s exactly what He does.
His “seed” of hope doesn’t have to look big to you, for you to take it.
A mustard seed of faith, is all we need after all.
And you know what?
I used to even struggle with that.
Because I thought it had to “muster” up the mustard seed myself.
But I didn’t.
All I had to do was ask Him!
All I had to do was say to Him, “I believe, I want to believe, but help me with my unbelief!” (There’s a reason why He gave us an example of faith like that in the Bible.)
So today –
If you feel hopeless…
Or if you find yourself hoping less, as time goes by,
I pray this helps you feel hopeFULL once again.
It’s not over,
Not truly over-
Until Jesus comes back.
And then- if we have chosen Him-
and held onto Him, even when life is hard-
we will never, ever have to experience the feelings of hopelessness or emptiness again!
In God’s presence are peace, joy, feelings of freedom and love. ALL the goodness.
The other day I wasn’t feeling peaceful, I was feeling anxious.
I wasn’t feeling joy, I was feeling “meh”.
I wasn’t feeling free, I was feeling trapped in circumstance.
I wasn’t loving and being content with life, I was lusting after some things of this world for a moment.
It didn’t take me long to realize I was headed in the wrong direction. Anxiety isn’t my norm anymore, and so whenever I feel it I know I’m getting off track and out of the awareness of His presence.
And when that happens, sometimes I’ll sing a little song to help me enter back in. The one in the photo is one of my faves:
🎵 I will enter your house with thanksgiving in my heart, I will enter your courts with praise…I will say ‘This is the day that the Lord has made!’ I will rejoice for you have made me glad! 🎵
As I ended, He spoke to me.
That inner, gentle voice.
The one that definitely isn’t my own because it often catches me by surprise,
in the way that it’s bluntly honest-
but not rude.
Not critical,
like I can be of myself sometimes.
But also not coddling,
like a friend who so much doesn’t want to offend you that they can’t be relied upon to be honest with you.
“The reason you feel out of my presence (and lacking peace and joy) sometimes, is because you’re entering OUT of my presence, unintentionally, with thanks-withholding, and focusing on your problems.
It’s not a punishment, when you can’t feel me- it’s not like I’ve closed the door to you.
Rather, by not choosing to open your door to me, and enter in to my presence through thanksgiving and praise, you have effectively walked out of my presence by your own choice of what you’re focusing on.
The good news is, as quick as you realize it, you can turn right back around and come back towards me! My door is always open! I’m always ready to provide warm hospitality to you, and share of my wonderful fruits you enjoy so much- the love, joy, peace, all the good stuff!”
And He did, true to His Word.
As soon as I adjusted that attitude,
took a look at what I was looking at
(which, in that particular moment, had been drooling at pictures of beaches and mountains, and dreaming of a vacation again) and turned my heart and mind back into Him…
As soon as I stopped grumbling about the snow and the cold and how I was “stuck” inside, and started reflecting on my gratitude for a warm house, the beautiful white fluff for a view, and the ability to “peace out” (in HIM) anytime I needed- peace indeed came flooding back in!
He’s simply the BEST!
And part of what makes Him that is that He is ALWAYS perfectly loving, while simultaneously being perfectly honest.
One without the other,
Love without honesty,
Or hard honesty, without love-
can be a mess, and hard to handle.
But together, they make for the best of relationships!
This post I wrote popped up in my “On This Day” memories from four years ago. It was the beginning of my learning to be still with God, which was simultaneously peaceful, hopeful, and unsettling (in the worldly ways) and scary. But He has been SO faithful! We have gone through some stuff since then, both good and bad. Great! And terrible. But He has never once left my side, through any of the “even ifs”. Today I wanted to share this, to help someone else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Morning by morning, in my quiet time, I’m becoming more aware of my own rhythms. Physical. Mental. Emotional. Spiritual. Some people are born with this self-awareness. I’m pretty sure I was born hustling, so I’ve never taken the time to figure out these patterns to tell you the truth.
God has called me strongly in this season to be still. To take time to sit in his presence and allow my heart to be transformed. For so long I’ve been avoiding it, if I’m honest. My heart said things like “I’m busy doing the other things you’ve asked me to do.” “Ain’t nobody got time just to sit!” “I’ll give you five minutes and then I’ve got to get to work.”
But five minutes won’t cut it. Not when your soul needs as much work as mine.
That would be like me taking the pork chops I am cooking for dinner out of the oven after five minutes because “we need to eat NOW.” It doesn’t work that way. The meat needs longer to transform into something safe to consume.
And I’m coming to realize I need longer than five minutes to “bake” in God’s word before I’m ready to nourish anyone around me either. Otherwise my best intentions come up short, at best, and disastrous at worst.
Just because I understand this about myself now, that doesn’t make it always easy to sit. To yield my own ambitions for the day and be still.
And since I’m very new to this thing, I find my anxiousness comes in spurts. I’ll be relaxed for a few days, and then back-from-vacation-and-NEED-to-hustle mode sets back in.
The last few days I’ve been very relaxed. I sit with God for a few hours in the morning, reading, meditating, writing. I work until 3, and then I turn it off. Give my focus to my family. And it’s been filling me up.
This morning though, as I was reading, the old voice of worry tried to interrupt.
“You know, this isn’t very productive.”
“Are you sure you’re being still? It looks a bit like lazy.”
“What if you heard wrong?”
What if. That’s the big question, isn’t it?
The crippling question?
The one that keeps us from taking leaps.
The one that encourages us to hide in safe places. Where there’s “no risk” (but really there IS a risk, in the form of no reward)…
You guys if I actually wrote down all the thoughts and worries that pop into my head, on paper, I’d probably laugh at my own ridiculousness.
And this morning the conversation with the little demon on my shoulder sounded a lot like this…(a creepy twisted version of “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie”—one of the books I used to love to read to my kids.)
“If you don’t get busy soon, you’re going to end up not hitting your goals this month.
If you don’t hit your goals this month, next month you won’t be able to pay your bills.
If you get behind on your bills, it’s going to snowball and you aren’t going to have a house soon. (Remember, you don’t own it, so the bank is there. Breathing down your neck.)
If you don’t have a house…”
And at this point, I realized what was happening and flicked the stupid little red-guy off my shoulder and away from my ear.
At this point I exercised something I learned last year. One good thing I picked up after pregnancy loss number 5.
One thing that battles the what-if monster like no other:
“Even if.”
EVEN IF.
And I said to myself. So what if we lose the house (first of all it’s ridiculous that I’m even thinking this. We aren’t even late on our bills!) But EVEN IF the worst happens- we will be ok. We could get an apartment. We could live in a camper. Quite honestly I’d LOVE to live in a camper. We’ve thought of it before. Maybe it’s a secret longing for simplicity in me. Maybe it’s wanderlust and the romantic idea of traveling the world and having flexibility to pick up and go wherever we want to go on a whim. When our kids graduate, we’d love to live in a camper. So what am I so worried about? EVEN if I fail, we will be f.i.n.e.
And this newly started conversation with the angel on my other shoulder got my imagination and memory spinning in a positive way.
This week, spending more time with my husband…more REAL, quality, not-just-sitting-beside-him-and-engrossed-in-my-phone-while-he-watches-tv time…I’ve found myself feeling that old, nostalgic, 19-year-old, newly-married L.O.V.E. for him. The silly, sweet, want to cuddle…the YOU, not my work, are my escape love.
And pondering on this, I realized, thirteen years ago we stood in front of a church and said “we are in this thing called life TOGETHER, no matter what” (EVEN IF).
From there my mind connected this to my relationship with Christ. You see, I’ve always looked at Christ in the father-sense. Skipping over the parts about Christ being the bridegroom because frankly that just felt weird. You can’t be romantic with God.
But thirteen years into marriage (16 together), I understand now that romance and the physical part of marriage is just a small part of what it means to be a devoted couple. The biggest part is trust.
The biggest part is knowing that this person is there with you no matter what. Even if.
So as I sit here anxious because God has asked me to stop hustling in this season, and I’ve mistaken my hustle for what has helped me succeed at my work, God reminds me of what I already know. It’s been his blessing, not any special talent of mine, all along. His provision, not my proving.
And as I sit here and am reminded that God is my other groom, I breathe a little more slowly. My heart stops racing and returns to my default-normal, not my learned-rush. And I know that even if the worst DOES happen, I will not be lost forever. God is there. He comforts. He holds. He soothes. He redeems. He brings beauty from the ashes.
And when I ask him “What if I slow down and my income drops substantially and we can no longer afford our home or food?”
He reminds me how he cares for the birds. And the flowers. In such intricate detail. And if he cares for them how much more does he care for me?
He reminds me that BOTH of my grooms made a promise to me. One on our wedding day. And one- before I was even born. And the promise was this: “From this day forward, no matter what, you never have to go it alone”
And when I look at it like that, the even-it’s have no power over me. 💜
From Full 