More Than I Would Have Ever Thought To Ask For: A Heaven-Hug From My Dad



God has shown up for me in so many ways. Nobody could convince me that He is not real.

He’s done some pretty big things in my life, but sometimes it’s the s•m•a•l•l stuff that really catches me by surprise and takes my breath away, as I think on just how good and personal and present He really is.

Ever have one of those days where you just feel stressed and you’re not sure why?

I was having one of those on Friday.

Maybe it was because we were getting ready to leave for a short little trip and I hadn’t packed a single thing yet.

Or maybe it was because we had been out of the house all day, and while we love what we do on Fridays, it also has a way of wearing me out.

Likely it was the combination of the two, along with some things that have been weighing on my mind and heart.

Whatever the cause though, I found that I had exactly a fifteen-minute window on Friday, and maybe this is not good, but all I wanted was to go have an upside down banana split at my favorite local ice cream place that had just re-opened for the season. And I did not try to talk myself out of it.

I drove straight there, ordered my favorite treat, and parked, just as if I were going on an ice-cream date with my dad like we did lots of times as I was growing up (him driving me), and, after his stroke, and when I was grown and the kids were at school (me driving him).

In the moment, it didn’t occur to me that perhaps the craving some “dad time” was there, deeper beyond the anxiety.

Sometimes we don’t really know everything that’s going on with our own selves, do we?

But I do know that as I took that first bite I began to think of him, and as I thought of him I began to really miss him, in a way that I don’t normally allow myself to do because- well- what good would it do anyone? And because life has a way of forcing us to roll on.

Grief is hard like that.

So in this moment, as I begin to realize that it probably wasn’t ice cream I wanted- it was probably just a moment like I used to have with my dad, when life seemed simpler for a second, and I could just pause and not try to “adult” and figure the whole world out…

and I missed Him.

So I did the only thing I knew to do to make myself feel better. I opened up the Bible I had on the seat next to me and admitted to God that I needed something from Him because the ice cream, while delicious, didn’t really cut it. It had satisfied my sweet tooth, perhaps, but not my soul.

I opened “randomly” to a verse about fatherly love, and I smiled a little smile but to be honest I needed more.

And then I felt Him impress a word inside of me that He has been repeating to me quite often lately: Ask.

“Ask what, God?”

“Ask me for what you’re needing in this very moment.”

“God, I can’t ask for that. My dad is in Heaven and you know that.”

“Ask.”

“Ok… Uhm, God, I know that my dad is in heaven and I also know that it’s good for him that he’s there. He was in a lot of pain here. And there, I know that he is not. And so even though we miss him a lot, I wouldn’t ever ask for you to send him back.

But if he can’t come back for a hug, could you just give him one for me instead?

And— God you’ve given me signs like this before, and you know that I’m not testing you and that it’s ok if you don’t because I won’t ever doubt you…

but, if you want to, would you do something for me?

to show me you got the message,

you gave him the hug,

and if he wants to send one back to me you could do this…

(and here I had to think a moment because I didn’t even know what sign to ask for, and then it came to me. My dad used to play this quarter-flipping game with me when I was little, and so that’s what I asked for. For quarters to unexpectedly show up in my path. Kinda like the “dimes from heaven thing” I’ve seen people share about, but different, because my dad always uses quarters and because I find dimes all the time but I don’t hardly ever see a quarter on the ground.)

And then my fifteen minutes was over and it was time to pick up my niece from school, and so I pulled out of the ice cream shop parking lot, and proceeded in that direction.

As I did, I felt filled supernaturally with a father-like presence, and I smiled because I knew that was Him.

I went on to pick her up, back home to pack, (and if I’m honest snapped a few times at my kids because I was still stressed.)

And then, it happened.

I was just coming in from a dozen trips out to the car to load up.

I opened the door to the house and what flung right out before me, and landed right in front of my feet so that there was no denying it was for me? (Even though the “flinger” (aka my oldest son) had no idea about any of this or about the very particular request I had sent to God just an hour before?)

You betcha.

A quarter!

A quarter. And the minute it landed I heard in my soul: “That’s for you!”

And the exact feeling of a returned-hug washed over me.

I can’t even explain it, how you can feel a hug without any physical receipt of one, but I did.

So intensely that the tears just BROKE loose.

I felt…heard.

I felt…loved.

I felt…so unworthy because I had just been snapping and clearly so imperfect, but I could also sense supremely that He didn’t care one iota about whether I was worthy of this moment, He was answering my prayer because HE is a good Heavenly Dad.

And I know that He had honored my requested and hugged my dad dad for me, and here he was, delivering the returned-hug back.

WOW.

I’m sharing this, and I always share, because I want everyone in the world to know how personal and loving and wonderful He is. From the big things to the littlest, he cares.

From the holes in our hearts that we know about, to the ones we think have moved past but still remain.

The best “filler” for anything we could ever ask for or imagine needing, is Him.

And freely, lavishly, He longs to give Himself to us.

All we have to do is ask.

(Just a little “bonus” content- today, we went geocaching. And what did I find, in a cache, that I don’t usually find? Another quarter. Lol. God is always “extra” like that! 💕)