This is the time of year, when many of us are ready for a fresh start!
We set our minds on where we want to be, where we believe-with some effort- we can be, by the end of the next year, and that gives us hope for the future! And hope gets us out of bed and moving.
But our bodies are still here – in today- and that can be frustrating, can’t it?
Maybe you are believing for a fitter body, and yet right now- you’re still here, in an out-of-shape state, and it’s HARD to get started. It’s HARD to say yes to the workout, and no to the sugar. It’s HARD to expend the energy in the gym before you even feel like you have it. It’s hard because you don’t know if it’ll even work.
Maybe you are believing for a better relationship with your spouse, and yet right now- you’re still here, in the place where you feel so alone, like you’ve grown apart, and you don’t know how to get knit back together. And you’re ready to put the work in, but you’re praying it’s reciprocated, and you’re not sure how you’ll handle it if it’s not. It’s HARD because you don’t know if your effort will even make a difference.
Maybe you’re believing that, by the end of the year, you’ll be in a better financial position. But right now- in the nitty gritty- in the saying no to some things you want, and yes to cooking at home when you’re tired instead of eating out, it’s HARD.
Whatever it is you’re believing for, can I make a suggestion? It’s the same advice that God himself had to give me today:
Remember that THIS- TODAY- (not just that future “some day”) is also the day that the Lord has made.
CHOOSE to rejoice- (feel or show great joy or delight) and be glad in it!
See, when we set our hearts on a goal- even a good one- we can tend to defer our joy to the future, when we cross those finish lines.
Except the trouble is- that here on Earth we never will get to see absolute perfection, and yet our souls are wired for that in our Heavenly home.
So one goal becomes another and another and another, and joy gets pushed further and further out.
It eludes us. (We fail to grasp it!)
And the enemy loves that.
He loves when people set their minds on a goal and believe for it to be their place of joy instead of Jesus, because he knows that goals keep moving.
But Jesus? He is always right here. And we can always access Him. In the future, and also in the present. We can learn to tune into the Holy Spirit. We can learn to enter into His presence, palpably, through thanksgiving and praise.
And we don’t have to wait until we hit some goal to be thankful! He has already given us so much to be thankful for, and He is even willing to help us bring those things to mind if we are having trouble recalling them. All we have to do is ask!
Remember how we said above that rejoicing means to feel or show great delight or joy?
Sometimes we just don’t feel it.
Sometimes we have to choose to show it, in prayer, FIRST.
And that is NOT faking it.
It’s “faithing it.”
It’s humbly admitting- I can’t.
I can’t feel grateful in this moment, (if it’s a hard one), but I’m coming to you for help, God.
I can’t feel glad in this moment, (if I’m experiencing depression, even if it looks like I have plenty to be thankful for, I can’t feel it and I’m frustrated because I don’t know why)… but I’m sacrificing words of praise, even in the pain, and I’m asking you to accept that humble sacrifice and show up in a real way in my heart today, God, bringing your Joy along with you! ☀️
〰️〰️ No matter what our circumstances… No matter where we are at on the progress line towards any goal… Or even if we have moved backwards on it… JOY can always be found in Jesus.
Thank you is the password into the awareness of His presence. (I say the awareness of, because He is everywhere, but it’s our conscious awareness that He is everywhere with us, that can bring us joy.)
And since thank you can be whispered anywhere we are at, we can be aware of His presence always- and when we are aware of His presence- in the middle of ALL our moments- the magical, the mundane, and even the challenging – we suddenly can see so much MORE to be thankful for.
Today God had to renew my mind and get me out of my old tendency to defer my joy and hope.
He had to remind me that the joy of the LORD is my strength! (The joy found in that together-place.) -Nehemiah 8:10
He had to bring up a song from my childhood, a catchy tune to get stuck in my head which is a good one for me to not be able to forget.
🎶 This is the day (This is the day) That the Lord has made (That the Lord has made) I will rejoice (I will rejoice) And be glad in it! (And be glad in it!) This is the day that the Lord has made! I will rejoice and be glad in it! This is the day. This is the day, that the Lord has made. 🎶
THIS is the day. THIS is the moment. (And the next one will be too.) Where JOY will be found. (If we remember to look in the Lord.) ANY MOMENT can be the fresh start, fresh breath, peaceful place we are looking for!
Our society talks a lot about Health Awarness causes, Mental Health Awareness, but God has put another form of awareness on my heart to share about this year:
Marital Health Awarness, ❤️ Relationship Health Awareness.
Relationships and marriages often get neglected, but I would dare to say that if we took better care of maintaining our connection, our mental health would certainly benefit, and we may even see improvement in our physical health. Strained relationships cause anxiety, and anxiety causes weakened immune systems and bodily stress.
A few years ago, my marriage had a “cancer”, and it was malignant.
It was called selfishness.
I had my dreams and plans and desires. He had His. Our differences initially attracted one another. And our similarities overlapped just enough to knit us together. Until the things that we liked that were different started getting more of us, and the seam began to be ripped apart by our self-focus.
At times we were happy, and at times we were at war. There were alot of screaming battles, and there was some stomping off and giving the silent treatment, some secluding ourselves from one another, and that tended to happen when one of us pulled too far from the center of what we had in common.
I’m thankful for the kids God gave us, just for who they are of course, but also they’re what He used to keep us together, before we both had the love of Him in common, which is the best seam to have in between, keeping a couple from being ripped apart.
We don’t tend to think to think of relationships coming down with physical diseases or mental health issues, like we understand that individuals do.
I never thought of it that way, until God showed me that analogy just now.
My heart literally has been breaking over all of the homes I’ve seen split apart. 💔 We could have easily been one of them.
People look at us and think that our relationship is perfect.
I try to keep it real, so that others can relate.
There is NO such thing as a perfect marriage.
How do I know?
I’ve talked to a lot of people who I thought had one.
And also- because a marriage is just an imperfect man, and an imperfect woman… living in an imperfect (and at the present time- very stressful) world, and most of the time sharing a home with imperfect kids, being a part of imperfect extended families and friend groups and even church families, and working with other imperfect people, dealing with imperfect people in the world.
Only ONE person was ever perfect. (Jesus.)
I’ve been silent on this subject for quite awhile. But I’ve kinda had it. I’m kind of fed up, with the enemy and his tearing homes apart.
I’m kinda fed up with him feeding lies to men and women…
making them believe that it’s their spouse’s job to “complete them”,
making them wonder if “the grass is greener” in other pastures,
keeping them so distracted in their own pursuits that they stop pursuing their spouse’s heart, and never learn to pursue God and discover His love for them and the fact that He has been pursuing THEM all along.
I’m so mad at the enemy for the number of times he tried to use my husband and I’s male-female differences to make us think that something was wrong with the other, because we just didn’t KNOW that those were men/women things. We though they were just OUR issues.
And I’m so thankful for God leading us into a marriage class at church, and teachings by Jimmy Evans and others on the topic.
I’m so thankful to have learned, after 15 years of marriage, about the love/respect difference, and about love languages.
And mostly I’m thankful that even though we still can ruffle each other’s feathers… even though we sometimes forget to speak each other’s love languages…even though sometimes I mess up and act disrespectful to my husband, and even though sometimes he messes up and acts unloving towards me…God is helping us take offense less easily, because we understand it’s not intentional. And because even if it were intentional, when we take it to Jesus and let Him fill us with His own love and respect through the Holy Spirit, He fills us so full that we CAN forgive because we aren’t so freshly hurting anymore. His love heals. And He enables us to forgive, as He reminds us of the lengths He went to, to purchase our forgiveness with the Father. ✝️
For years I’ve shared my life like an open book, and at first that was very uncomfortable but it has become more natural.
But this year God is asking me to go out of my comfort zone again – and get into others’ lives.
And I don’t mean that as in meddling. I don’t mean that as in preaching. I mean that as in sharing- what (WHO) saved our marriage- and urging them to seek out that that same “treatment”! That same Healer!
God can heal anything. He can restore.
I’ve seen drug addicts freed. I’ve seen cancer eradicated. I’ve seen and experienced infertility made fertile. I’ve seen relationships that were toxic made better than ever before.
But He doesn’t usually just do it. Just like at a doctor’s, we must walk in the door, we must give consent, we must cooperate with the “treatment plan”, whatever He tells us to do, like leaning in, in love, when we want to pull away on offense.
I’m excited for 2022, not because it’s a new year, but because I believe God is going to be opening people’s eyes to Him like never before.
I believe we are going to see roots and hearts healed, relationships restored, and people learning to walk in a peace and love and joy better than they’ve ever known was possible before!
I’m speaking life over all the death I see around me.
I declare the war-faring for families is NOT done.
I declare that as people take GOD back into their hearts as the true Lord & leader of their lives, He will do what He said He will do!
In John 10:10, Jesus says “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full!”
“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, for he has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free, and that the time of the Lord’s favor has come.” Luke 4:18-19 NLT
It’s already COME. I can’t wait to see who will apply it and be healed!
Even better than a new year, an annually cleaned slate, a fresh new season of renewed resolution and dared-to-drag-back-out dreams… is this:
That EACH morning, His mercies are new! EACH moment, He is there for the helping, and the helping back up when we inevitably fall and fail.
Most resolutions make it a month, maybe a few.
The more we fail at them, the less resolute we become.
Willpower just isn’t enough.
But His power in us always is. We just have to remember to ask for it.
Imperfection and disappointment have their way of making themselves into each day, because this side of heaven we are not perfect, we are still in progress. And so is everyone else in this world. And the things of this world are fading.
1 John 2:17 says “This world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever.”
What pleases Him? That we love Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. And that we love others as ourselves. Not just a held-in-our hearts love, but a love expressed in out-loud words, acted-out actions.
He knows we won’t be able to do this perfectly. Loving is simultaneously the simplest and hardest thing in the universe to do, I think.
It’s simple and wonderful to love (both in feelings and in actions) someone in response to how they’ve shown us love. Or- someone new that has not yet disappointed us or shown us their imperfections.
It’s hard to feel love, and nearly impossible on our own to demonstrate love to someone who is not making us feel loved in that particular moment. Or to someone who has disappointed us over and over and over.
But that’s what grace is. And grace, by definition, (u•n•d•e•s•e•r•v•e•d favor) wouldn’t be grace if we deserved it.
It’s seeing God’s grace towards us, and embracing it with gratitude and faith that saves us.
Ephesians 2:8- “For by grace (we) have been saved through faith. And this is not (our) own doing; it is the gift of God.”
I would dare to say, that in relationships, grace is also what saves.
(Have you ever had someone treat you kindly when you KNOW that you didn’t deserve it? Have you ever had someone love you when you were being very unlovely? It’s pretty powerful isn’t it?)
And a faith that- even if they’re not acting like it at the moment- that at their core, the other is good and worthy of love.
But trying to extend grace without God’s help is so hard. Willpower may last for awhile, but always falls short. And trying makes us uptight.
But dying to self- as painful as that sounds- actually makes it easier.
Sacrificing our right to be upset,
refusing to rehearse our side of the story in our mind and clutter our hearts with those emotions,
it’s so freeing!
Taking the situations to God and asking Him to encourage us in our spirits,
to fill us freshly with HIS love first,
so we can act from fullness and not from the emptiness that the situation or the other person has made us feel…
and so we can love freely, grace-fully, without expectation to receive a reciprocated fullness from them…
it’s the secret.
To re-receive His grace, Seeing that He loves us despite all our mistakes and messy feelings- even in these particular moments-
and then go out, healed, and extend that grace which has the power to heal relationships.
The grace that loves and leans in FIRST, not waiting for the other to apologize or act.
The grace that refuses to harden our hearts towards someone, even if it feels like that would protect us.
The grace that stays soft- and when it can’t, when it has done everything in its own power to love and forgive and has reached the very end of self, the grace that loves so much that it reaches BEYOND itself to ask God for more capacity to give.
It’s the most beautifully transforming thing to receive this rare kind of love and grace.
It’s the most impossible in self thing to give it out. But with God, in going to God and simply asking Him to walk us through it – all things are (not easy, but) possible!
〰️〰️〰️
Above any goals this year, I pray that we embrace the grace of God, and that we go to Him each time we need help extending it! 💗
Grace, I really believe, has the power not only to transform us but to change the world. {Or at least our small circles – our marriages, our families, our extended families, our church families, our workplaces – where we decide to extend it.} 🌎
I was scrolling my Facebook “on this day” memories just now, trying to wake up my eyes for THIS day, when I came across this one from four years ago.
At the time, I shared no words with it. First of all- I had no words then. I had no hope of my own.
What I had was this persistent desire to have another baby, that try as I might I couldn’t get to go away, and yet every time we tried for another- and got pregnant- the pregnancies would fail. We had lost 5 trying. And my hope of another was GONE. My ability to get my hopes up just done.
When I lost the last baby, the 5th one, many people were there to comfort me. But nobody dared say the words “try again”. I don’t know if I would have said them to me either. But I never will forget one of my friend’s words in the comments of the post I shared about having lost our baby.
She said something like “I’m so sorry, Daylene, my heart is broken for you. I’ll be praying for you when the time is right and you decide to try again.”
{Paraphrasing here because it’s been a lot of years, and because I don’t remember exactly to the T what she said- but I never will forget how it made me feel.}
The first thought that crossed my mind was “Bless your heart, honey, I’m not sure why on Earth you think I’d put my heart on the line again. Enough is enough. You must think I’m strong, but I can’t take one more. I have tried everything now. I can’t muster up one more ounce of hope. I’m just going to focus on the two I have, count my blessings, let go of my losses, and be done.”
Most seemed to agree with those sentiments. 2 is a blessing. 5 is a lot of losses. Protect that heart, put those dreams away in a drawer.
As a mother who has had so many losses, one thing I usually advise others is not to comment in those kinds of ways to a bereaved parent.
It doesn’t matter how many children she already has, it doesn’t matter how far along her pregnancy was, it doesn’t matter if the baby was planned or a surprise… none of that matters to a grieving heart, and your trying to make sense of it or make light of it to her doesn’t help. And sometimes it causes more hurt.
So normally I steer clear of any comments besides “I’m so sorry for your loss.” “My heart hurts for you.” (It always does.) “I will be praying for you.” (I do.)
I would also tell people that the fact that they comment— (again, a simple “my heart is aching for you” will do, or “I’m praying for you” (if you genuinely are)— or put a care symbol on the grief post)—DOES matter. The person might not respond, but they see it. To a mother of miscarriage, most times there is no funeral. So a post sort of takes the place of one. It’s how she’s expressing her loss to the world, mourning the dreams that have died along with her baby, and it’s an opportunity to express your condolences and support of her. Doing so — even while understanding that she may not be ready for actual visitors, and she may not even be ready to carrry on a conversation via text or messenger- helps her know she is not alone. That it mattered to more than just her. That she matters. I cannot understate this for those who have not gone through it. It’s just as important to say SOMETHING simple and thoughtful, react in some (sensitive) way, as it is not to try to figure it out for her or say something stupid and insensitive.
I myself would typically not use the words “next time” or talk about trying again, in the comments of someone’s post about having lost a baby.
But on that day, my friend Kara gave me a gift.
Permission to hope again.
Affirmation that even if the rest of the whole world might think I was crazy, even if I thought it was too risky, at least one person would be on my side should I decide to go that route and risk heartbreak yet again- in pursuit of this promise I could feel, against all logic, in my soul.
I tucked that hope away for awhile. I didn’t throw it away, but I wasn’t ready to take it out just yet.
Later, 4 years ago on this day, I pulled it out.
It was time to put it back on.
And that’s when I truly learned that hope doesn’t have to be something of our own that we muster up.
{Hope has a name and it is Jesus.}
Hope doesn’t have to FEEL like confidence.
{In fact, when you decide to let Jesus take the wheel and you allow yourself to be vulnerable in believing for something He is showing you, that is in total opposition to what the natural shows is possible… it feels like fear. The opposite of self-confidence. It’s 100% placing your heart in God’s hands. It’s risking your heart.}
But this morning, as I’m seeing this message again, “When the world says ‘Give up” Hope whispers ‘Try it one more time”, I’m so glad that I did.
(More accurately I’m glad I allowed Jesus to place His hope inside of me, when I had absolutely zero of my own left.)
Because the almost-three-year old boy laying next to me, in the middle of me and his dad, is the result of that “trusting again.”
And as much – back then- as I almost couldn’t bear to think about losing one more pregnancy, putting myself in a position to grieve again if it went wrong,
Now- God has erased all of that pain from my heart.
He helped me get through by positioning myself in praise my entire pregnancy with him.
And he helped me see- like REALLY see- that every day with baby C and my other 2 is a GIFT from Him.
Even the Hope itself- that was a gift. ❤️
And this morning He encouraged me- “Don’t be afraid to encourage someone else with it.” “Imagine if your friend didn’t.”
Ever get that feeling like “I need to go somewhere. Anywhere. Let’s just pack up, you call into work, and let’s drive?”
I used to get that all • the • time.
And every time I’d get it, I would spend hours and sometimes days googling vacation or mini-vaca options, and then trying to make finances work so we could follow that feeling and get out of dodge.
When it all worked out, I’d enjoy it. I really would. But funny thing- whenever we’d get home, whatever it was that I was running from (whether I knew what it was or not), would still be there. I had just paid to delay that feeling.
When it didn’t work out, I’d be grumpy. I really would. Like a hangry person who doesn’t mean to be angry but they have a need that hasn’t been filled, an itch that hasn’t been scratched, and it affects how they act.
It isn’t always just vacations either. Sometimes, years ago, it used to be a trip to the mall. Or the movies. Or out to eat. Or on a hike. Just somewhere.
Somewhere to change my setting. Something to occupy my mind. Something to give me all feels.
It’s like a brand of claustrophobia, where I just feel like I urgently need to get out of the house.
I still get those feelings these days, sometimes. They don’t just go away entirely when you know Jesus.
Sometimes we still get hungry and hangry- and we think it’s for other things. And other things might taste good, and satisfy for a short time, but they can cost a lot and they never last.
But Jesus? He’s not a snack. He’s not koolaid that leaves us thirstier. He’s soul-water that quenches the deeper-than-flesh droughts.
And I’m learning something new, too: Every time I ask Him to, he helps those feelings to pass.
Instead of feeling guilty for feeling that way, or going right to trying to take care of that need and feed it myself, I have been – as often as I remember- learning to go to him first.
Like a habitual over-eater learns to ask “Am I really hungry, or am I bored?”, I have been allowing Him to remind me to ask- “Am I really needing to go? Or is my Spirit prompting me to ask Him to come, consciously into my presence again?”
Today that feeling hit me again.
“I want to go somewhere, babe,” I told my husband. Let’s go camping! Let’s go on a hike! Let’s load up the kids and just drive!”
“Where?” he asked?
I didn’t even know where. Actually, half of me didn’t even know if I felt like doing any of those. But half of me was really insisting that she wanted to go SOMEWHERE.
But instead of getting out my phone and searching Facebook events, or googling feel-good places within an hour or two drive from here, or scrolling my news feed to see what everyone else was up to so I could figure out what I wanted to do- I let the Spirit scroll me instead.
“You’re wanting me, Daylene. That’s all it is.” He said.
“A fresh filling.”
“Holiday spirit never cuts it, though it’s a a beautiful addition to the season.
My Holy Spirit always fills, and I’m ALWAYS here.
But just because you got filled in me yesterday, and the day before, and however often you came for filling- that doesn’t mean you’re not going to hunger for me again.
You need conscious filling in ME daily, multiple times a day, always.
When I said you’ll never hunger or thirst again it didn’t mean that your flesh wouldn’t try to tell you that you’re hungry or thirsty for the things you used to associate with fullness again – it means that when you tell me that you’re hungry or thirsty (instead of running right away to get a bite or drink in the world’s way), I will fill you up with myself!
And then- if you want to go out, you go from full, not for it.
Like going to a friends house after you’ve already eaten dinner and they bring out some food and you can take it or leave it, because you’re not starved.”
So today I practiced this. Today when I felt that antsy feeling, that hunger to go somewhere, instead of asking myself where I wanted to go, I asked Him to come to me and fill me up so that feeling would leave. And it did!
He’s the best.
He calms the inner chaos.
When His Spirit increases in me, it’s like it floods out any dissatisfaction that has tried to creep in.
So we cleaned up the house, fixed lunch at home, lounged around for a bit.
And then decided to use our Christmas money to go on a family date to the movies.
No longer because I NEEDED to, I was good either way.
And the best part about that is when the movie was over, my satisfaction and fullness was not.
I sometimes feel really silly sharing things like this.
Wouldn’t you think I’d be more “natural” at all this by now?
Doesn’t having faith for big things mean the small things are simple?
No- it really doesn’t- so don’t ever feel foolish for needing Him for it all.
It doesn’t quite feel like Christmas Eve to me today. And I don’t know how I feel about that.
All the hope I used to wrap up in a holiday, has already been opened bit by bit throughout the year. ❤️ Which is wonderful- but also- anticlimactic, dare I say it?
It’s the strangest feeling- being both entirely grateful for the gift of Jesus, but also having this ingrained-by-culture expectation, of a few days that feel particularly remarkable.
Traditions carried on, despite the fact that some loved ones are gone- both a comfort, because part of them remains, but also causing conflict in my soul, as I wrestle with the reality we must all face at times;
That yes- the world, and my family would and would have to- go on, even if I weren’t in it.
And thus, also wrestling with the question- Does anything I do even matter, anyway? Is it lasting?
As I wrestle with these feelings inside, at first I don’t even know what’s going on with me. To others I may seem listless. Distant. Pouty. My husband detects those things in me before I even do. And I deny them- not in a lying kind of way, but because I truly don’t even know. All I know is that I want to keep moving. Going all the places. Seeing all the things. Busying myself.
“Why do you always want to be busy?” he asks me.
“I don’t. I just don’t want to sit here doing nothing.”
And I didn’t know why.
Until I went to the grocery store.
Silently I walked down the aisles, observing.
Not even knowing what I wanted to buy, except milk.
Watching people and faces as they pass by me. Some hurried. Some not.
Finding myself wondering about their lives- Would they be gathering with families? Did any of them not have families?
Thanking God that I do have family left, and asking Him to help me cheer up for them. It’s not their fault I’m struggling today. Heck- I didn’t even know I was until just now.
As I go to pay, I remember that I had put pieces of Christmas candy in my purse, with “Jesus loves you” labels on them- to pass out when prompted by the Spirit. One remained.
“Who should I give it to?” I asked Him.
No chance seemed opportune.
So I shrugged it off, and walked out the door.
Stuck a bit of change in the bucket as the ringers dinged their bells.
Smiled my best intentional smile and wished the gentleman a Merry Christmas without taking the time to make eye contact.
Thanking God for the good in the world- like bell ringers- and charities- and yet, change was all I really had in that moment, not the capacity to start conversation.
As I walked out the door, I heard him call out “God is still in control!” And my heart leapt! A God-wink if I ever heard one. It was like God used his mouth to say that for me, even though by then I’d already gotten out the door.
Smiled a smaller, but for-real smile all the way there, get ready to put my groceries in my cart, and heard the Spirit prompt: “The candy. Take it to him. That’s the one.”
And so I do. Before even unloading my groceries, I go back in and say “I’ve been passing these out and have one left. I was praying for who to give it to and God said you. So I came back.”
He took it gratefully, and repeated, gesturing down at the sweatshirt I had made, intentionally, but threw on without even thinking that day, (in fact, if my laundry had been done I’d have worn a Christmassy one, but it was perfect that I didn’t) — “God is still in control!”
Realizing that it was my shirt that had inspired his declaration, I smiled bigger. “Yes He is!” I agreed.
“More people need to know that,” he said.
I smiled and walked back to my car.
“Yes they do,” I thought.
“But also- I needed to be reminded of it- AGAIN- too.”
I originally started making these shirts to bless others. But I guess it’s true- you can’t bless others without yourself being blessed.
Thanks, God, for encouraging me, and meeting me right where I was at- In the grocery store. And also in the busyness that I (unconsciously) was burying myself in to keep my heart from feeling the things that I’m not in control of.
Control. Maybe that’s what it was. I was feeling out of control. And God reminded me that that’s ok- because HE is still in control. He’s got me.
Anyone else feeling like this? The world is nuts. Feelings are nuts.
Life can be a big tin of mixed nuts. But it’s ok. He’s got you too, friend. ❤️
Handing over the control I didn’t even know I was holding onto, feels surprisingly good.
Ten rules to follow to make it into heaven? Sounds simple enough. But how many of these have you violated? Me- I’ve failed in 9 out of 10, at times.
Unless you count the season where I was unfaithful to my husband- not in adultery, but in giving away the time that should have been his to my work and lesser-priorities instead.
If you count that- I’ve broken all 10.
(Well- number 6 in the grown-up version of these says “Thou shalt not kill” – and I haven’t killed anyone. But I’ve given looks that could kill. And I’ve hurt others. And I have been mad enough to WANT to punch people in the face, and God says that even thinking about it is a sin.)
So that seals it right there. No question. I wasn’t getting in. I don’t deserve to get in.
But Jesus? God? Boy do I love them with my whole heart. And why? Because they get me. Like REALLY get me.
They assume the best of me, though they’ve seen me at my worst. Seen EVERY shameful, awful thing I’ve ever done or even thought about doing. And still- they LOVE me. Because they ARE love. It’s just who they are.
That’s what we all need isn’t it? What we all really want? Unconditional love. Not based on what we have done- either bad or good. Love that has seen us at our worst and yet perseveres in believing the best? Perseveres in extending love to us? 〰️〰️〰️
Man if we could all just wrap our brains around that. Well- our minds won’t even fit around it, His love for us is so enormous, so infinite, so eternal.
God is Trinity- Father, Son, Holy Spirit.
And this is how much God loves us:
“God so loved the world that HE GAVE HIS ONE AND ONLY SON, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”
John 3:16-17 NIV
And this is how much Jesus loves us:
“…the Lord Jesus Christ… gave himself for our sins to rescue us from the present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father.”
Galatians 1:3-5 NIV
And this is what the Holy Spirit does for you:
“And I (Jesus) will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to HELP you and BE WITH you forever— the Spirit of truth.”
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And this is the whole of the statement that Jesus says-
To be clear, he doesn’t take back any of the Father’s commands.
BUT- (and this is what so many miss and take for granted and forget to share when they’re pointing their fingers at others who are breaking the rules, or forgetting themselves and letting the enemy point his finger at them and make them feel damned)— He says we don’t have to be able to do them on our own. He says He will come and abide with us, if we ask Him to, and help us!
Jesus says, “If you love me, keep my commands. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.”” John 14:15-21 NIV
Religious people mean well, but sometimes they preach to others, telling them what’s right and wrong in a way that highlights where o.t.h.e.r.s are falling short and where t.h.e.y are succeeding.
Yep- I have been religious at times too. I still struggle with wanting to fix others. But you know what? I wasn’t even / am not even able to fix myself.
When I was religious, I was reading this passage all wrong.
I was forgetting the part where He showed us that every human in history fell short (meaning unless we are so proud that we believe we will be able to succeed better than every other human in history, we understand that we fall short too.)
I was forgetting the part where He said He’d send a helper. His own Spirit. Which we cannot succeed without. But with whom we become transformed, bit by bit until we enter fullness and completeness in eternity.
I was forgetting the part where someone asked Jesus what the MOST important commandments were (where to start) and “Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:36-40 NIV
When my mind is focused on number one which is an absolute JOY- being loved by God and loving Him- I don’t as often have to TRY to love others as myself. Because when I’m walking in continual joy and healing and love, I’m more likely to BE a joy and bring healing and love to others.
And the other laws are all contained in that.
When I’m completely enamored with Jesus, and I’m thinking about Him and His goodness all day long- every day- not because I have to but because I WANT to, not because I’m trying to but because I can’t NOT, no matter how hard I try… Numbers 1-3 are covered.
Number 4 is flipped upside down. It becomes a for-me thing because my work is in the Lord and my rest is in the Lord, and so I can see that the rest is totally a gift for me- not a grinding for Him.
Number 5 becomes natural as I see that just because they’re older than me, doesn’t mean they are any more able to be perfect. But I’m filled with gratitude as I look back and see with God’s perspective that they tried harder and loved me more than I could ever understand until I had kids of my own and see myself fall short and yet know how much I love them.
Number 6- well I have no desire to kill, but I also don’t have a desire to slap people anymore. Healed people want to see people healed. Hurting people want to see people hurt. The enemy is constantly trying to re-hurt us, but just the touch of Jesus’s cloak- just the shadow of a true disciple- had healing power. And God loves us so much that instead of making us chase cloaks and shadows, he offers that very healing Spirit to live INSIDE of EACH of us who will invite Him in! So every time we do hurt (which is inevitable) we can ask for His healing before we turn around and hurt or think about lashing out at someone else. And if we lash out because we forgot to get healed before we went out- he can help us ask for forgiveness and also help us forgive ourselves for falling short again.
Number 7- when we are so in love with Jesus, we don’t need another to complete us and we are freed to truly see and be grateful for the ways they DO show us love (which can keep us feeling in love with them), and we can ask God to meet – in Himself- any needs of ours that our spouse cannot or does not. When we do that we become so full that we don’t need to go looking for love anywhere else. Or fullness in things. Which covers number 8. What we have becomes more than enough!
Number 9 can still be tricky. Not because we want to lie, but because we understand that truth and love must co-exist. This is an area that I desperately have to call upon the Holy Spirit to help me in. Because there’s truth in the flesh and then TRUTH in God. And I know that is not the point of this commandment (which is to not be a liar), but it’s something I encounter often. For example- it can be the truth that I think someone is acting like a jerk. But telling them that isn’t necessarily loving- and the Truth is that God says to love others as myself. So first I need to get into love with the Spirit’s help. And ask Him why I’m feeling this way- maybe they’re truly being hurtful or maybe I’m just taking it wrong. And even if they were trying to be hurtful He can help me give the benefit of the doubt- believing the best in them- that they weren’t, or that they have some underlying hurt that caused them to hurt me. And most of the time the offense ends there. But sometimes Truth in love conversation is needed, and if that is the case He also can guide me in that, as well as keep me open and humbled to His correction through others. So complicated isn’t it? And that’s exactly why we need his help every moment!
And number 10- well that was always the hardest for me, I’ll be honest. But the more my mind is on him and his grace (everything I have that I didn’t deserve) the less my mind is on anyone else and what they have and the rat -race to get more. He prefills and refills all we need so that satisfaction and gratitude and joy and a sense of full-fillment can ALWAYS be found in Him! And any occasional thoughts of envy? Well He uses those too- to show us our eyes may be wandering, and help us get them right back on Him!
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People misunderstand about Christianity and think it’s about keeping all these rules so we can get to heaven.
So many don’t even want to try or keep trying because it’s too hard. They can’t.
And that’s right- we can’t. BUT JESUS DID. And because He did we don’t have to TRY to anymore-
But that still doesn’t mean we are free to be and act like however we feel… and yet (and I think this is where I and others have gotten tripped up)— TRYING to conform to Christ doesn’t work. BEING TRANSFORMED as we simply yield to Him, because we are in love with Him, that’s what changes us. Loving relationship- not rules- is where it’s at. The rules just show us what kinds of actions He says are good for us, and will be in line with that transformation, and which ones are not.
❤️ Maybe you’re reading this and know it already. But I thought it was worth sharing because it’s so unnatural, and every time I think on this He helps it sink more deeply in.
And He helps me see- how truly unfathomable and remarkable, extravagant and yet NECESSARY His first-Christmas gift to us is! And that it takes our whole lives, in relationship with Him, to OPEN and enjoy it!
I laid out yesterday, on the beach. Do you see the ocean? The sun shine that was warming my soul?
I laid out yesterday, and the day before, on the beach with Jesus. He sent these sun rays to invite me in, and he warmed my soul as if I really was on vacation. And it was wonderful!
〰️〰️〰️ Vacations are one of my favorite things, y’all.
I used to live for them.
Like literally- I would work with vacations in mind, and then in my overworking I would find myself more restless than ever for the sound of the waves, to drown out the stress in my soul.
It was like a riptide- A terrible cycle keeping me under the surface of what God really has for us. {Fresh air and sunshine.}
The thing is- I still love vacations! I just don’t live for them anymore.
I still love the beach- the beautiful sights and sounds and smells, the warm and salty ocean air.
The reminder of life’s ebbs and flows, and Jesus’s faithfulness to keep showing up daily just like the sun rises and sets.
The perfect place for resetting our rhythms. Relearning to breathe in, breathe out. The invitation to just “be” for a moment. Paused in pursuit and simply savoring. To just bask in the sun.
{Bask:
intransitive verb 1 : to lie or relax in a pleasant warmth or atmosphere basking in the warmth of the sun
2 : to take pleasure or derive enjoyment basked in the spotlight
transitive verb obsolete : to warm by continued exposure to heat}
Sometimes looking up definitions helps me understand better what God is doing in my soul.
Because I can’t explain it, and maybe it sounds crazy, but my soul felt like it was at the beach yesterday and the day before, not ALL day- just for the 15 minutes I laid there. No- definitely not all day, which is why I came to God for that moment anyway. I needed an escape, and I needed it sooner than I could plan and get on any vacation. And God offered it to me- instantly. And now I don’t NEED a vacation anymore. And I don’t have to push through the pain to earn one so that I can reset my soul.
How brilliant is He in this? I can have the reset NOW! And if I get to go on vaca also, then that’s just more cake I can be thankful for! But the beach is just a bonus. HE is the escape! HE is the sunshine! HE is the warm and salty fresh air for my soul!
And we can bask in Him a.n.y.w.h.e.r.e! How amazing is that?
He used the rays to invite me in. And yesterday I basked in Him on an Indiana December, on my toddler’s bed with my eyes closed (because it was directly in the sunshine and because this momma’s back doesn’t love laying on the floor 😉.)
But He has shown me I can just as easily and profitably bask in Him on a rainy day, in my car, with no sun at all.
He has helped me bask in Him even in times I have been stuck in bed, so that my soul doesn’t really feel stuck at all.
Turns out the beach was never really my favorite, it was HIM all along. Anywhere He is with me and I can sense Him is my favorite- so everywhere can be my favorite! Isn’t that divine and freeing?
7 years ago I took a trip to one of my favorite beaches, and embarked on a quest to have more “beach moments.” I prayed for it and determined, with God as my witness, to Trust Him for it. I decided to BELIEVE and walk on the belief that His plans for me were good.
He took me on several beach trips since then. Like -for real- actual beach trips. To Florida, Punta Cana, Bahamas, Maui. Ones I never even imagined going on. Spectacular beauty and wonderful company!
But dare I say? The best “trip” He has taken me on is the path to understanding that peace and contentment and joy even… they don’t lie in a set of “perfect” circumstances and surroundings.
They’re not just for once (or if you are extra blessed, several) times a year.
They’re not dependent upon our income, career or leadership status, schedule, or freedom to “roam about the country”…
They’re for any and every moment that we need them.
And not only don’t we have to chase them… or pack for them… or even plan for them… He pursues US with gentle reminders to take advantage of His trips… like the rays He sent in through my window yesterday… as if the sun (Son) was not simply shining but going the extra distance to extend into my world.
You guys. God. Jesus. The Holy Spirit. They’re just ridiculously, lavishly, amazingly wonderful ☀️
Yesterday evening I bundled up and went on a walk to the end of our road and back.
It had been a noisy Monday- with my soon-to-be-3-year old acting line a threenager; homeschool presenting a few challenges; and the dog being extra spastic about anyone (or animal) who walked past our house.
I found myself desperately needing a few minutes of silence. And the air was just the right wintry crispness, without being so cold that it would sting in my lungs.
So I breathed it in deeply.
And- having finished the “business” part of the day, despite its challenges and opportunities for growth, I breathed in gratitude that God had seen me through it all, beautifully…
In the moments where grace flowed out and I responded gracefully, but also in the moments where my capacity was exceeded and I responded snappily too.
All the way to the end of the road, my body breathed slowly, intentionally. And all the way to the end of the road, my soul inhaled His grace, and exhaled praise.
Thank you, God, that not everything has to feel good to bring good.
Thank you, God, that you help us get through all the feels. And that you give us the gift of good feelings – freely – when we go to you for those!
Thank you for the opportunity to homeschool, and the reminder that even though we no longer have a natural transition- from work time to family time, you can help us intentionally transition.
Leaving everything unfinished for the day- unfinished, and without guilt.
Not allowing that to keep us from our time of togetherness and recharge.
Trusting, that learning was still done. That He will use what we were able to do, and that whatever we didn’t get to will still be there for us to work on tomorrow.
And the same with all our other work too.
Knowing that we’ve done what we could do, and even when it wasn’t as much as we wanted to be able to do, it was enough. Not because we, or it, is ever enough, but because He offers us the opportunity to combine it with His grace – which is always EXCEEDINGLY and ABUNDANTLY beyond enough for us.
Remembering this melted any stress that had piled itself onto my shoulders during the day.
Walking back up to my house, I noticed a package on my porch. A gift we had ordered, ready to be wrapped and placed under the tree.
When I went to pick it up, I got another unexpected gift. A view of my kids from the outside in. And a particularly beautiful moment:
Our oldest was teaching the toddler to peel potatoes. Patiently. Protectively. Informatively. Joyfully. I’m not sure the two year old understood, but he did soak in the opportunity to try something his older brother could do.
To anyone driving past, I may have looked like a creeper. Hiding in the shadows of our porch, peeking inside, watching it all unfold like a play in which I had the privilege of front-row seating to.
Finding myself going to pull my phone out of my pocket, hoping to capture the moment like I do all of my favorites- but remembering that I had left my phone in the house on purpose, to unplug for a bit.
And then- hearing in my head my husband’s usual reminder- “Just enjoy the moment, Daylene. See it for real, not always behind a screen.” Touché, babe. You’re right. This one is TOO good for a camera. This image is going to be engrained directly on my heart. ❤️
As I sat there, delighting in how my oldest was delighting in his younger… I suddenly felt aware that God often “looks in” on us this way too.
And I felt a gentle encouragement, an inspiration by my boys, to WANT to make God – my Father- smile, in the same way that my children had made me smile in this moment. As often as possible. Not that they are always perfect. (My walk in the first place was necessitated by ALL of our less-than-perfections.) But that they were real. Present. Able to flow past all the hiccups of the day and move onto the next teachable, lovable moment.
My husband calls me a creeper sometimes because I love glancing in open-windows as we drive around town. Not in a creepy way, but to me- it’s almost as if they’re dollhouses. The way I figure it- if you don’t want anyone seeing in, keep your curtains closed. And mine are usually open because I don’t care who sees in.
I especially love this time of year, seeing all the lit-up Christmas trees. They’re simply beautiful! And most people position them near a window and leave the curtains open so that others can enjoy the light.
Nobody examines them so closely that they judge- “Oh, your ornaments are crooked. That branch is a little off, there’s a gap right there.” (Though we might judge our own that way.) They simply enjoy the gift of lights shared from the inside out.
And it got me thinking- I believe that’s what God wants us to do with our lives. Simply to shine. Simply to delight in one another, our family. Simply to be open and allow that to shine into the outside world. To not worry so much about if someone’s going to think we are less than perfect, or pick apart our flaws- but, admitting we aren’t perfect, and yet sharing our lights just the same, then moving past any hiccups and doing it all over again the next day and the next and the next.
Breathing in the gift of it all- that we get to be alive and we get to do life with others- inhaling that grace, and exhaling gratitude as a natural effect.
Delight in Him, and He will bring delight (the light) to you! 🕯Life with Him is the most delightful thing ever.
What this picture said to me when I captured it {like I do ALL “hidden crosses” I come across} :
Jesus can be found even in the icky places too.
Yes, he’s in the beautiful sky-cross places.
And the shadow crosses, where light spills through the window and leaves the perfect casting of a cross on my floor or on my wall.
But the other day as I was cleaning with my mom, and it was cold and shivery outside, and I went to take the trash out I saw this. And immediately saw the cross, yet thought “that’s not photo worthy” – and yet- it is. Maybe even moreso.
Because Jesus came particularly for the messes didn’t He?
He came for those of us who feel like messes.
For those of us who have messy moments where we wonder if we belong here, tossed out with the trash.
Yet He meets us right where we are. He scoops us up and calls us treasure.
From Full 