The other morning I had cranked our praise music up, and my toddler and I were dancing in the kitchen, belting out the words to the song and his interpretation came out wrong.
But also- it came out even better than right! ☀️
Here is how the song was supposed to go:
🎵 I’m praying, God come And turn this thing around God, turn it around God, turn it around God, turn it around
I’m calling on the name That changes everything, yes God, turn it around God, turn it around God, turn it around
All of my hope Is in the name The name of Jesus Breakthrough will come Come in the name The name of Jesus… God, turn it around God, turn it around God, turn it around
He is up to something He is up to something God is doing something right now He is moving mountains Making a way for someone God is doing something right now…
All of my hope Is in the name The name of Jesus breakthrough will come Come in the name The name of Jesus
God, turn it around Turn it around Turn it around” 🎵
And here is how my little one sang it:
🎶 🎵 I’m praying, God come And turn this thing around God, turn ME around God, turn ME around God, turn ME around
I’m calling on the name That changes everything, yes God, turn ME around God, turn ME around God, turn ME around
All of my hope Is in the name The name of Jesus Breakthrough will come Come in the name The name of Jesus… God, turn ME around God, turn ME around God, turn ME around
He is up to something He is up to something God is doing something right now He is moving mountains Making a way for someone God is doing something right now…
All of my hope Is in the name The name of Jesus breakthrough will come Come in the name The name of Jesus
God, turn ME around Turn ME around Turn ME around” 🎵
He’s a toddler.
He had no idea what changing two letters would mean.
And I wouldn’t have either if God didn’t use the moment to point it out to me.
“It” being the key to intercession in our relationships and in our personal situations.
Here’s what God said to me, in this moment:
Pray like this, Daylene.
Ask me to turn YOU around.
To correct your perspective when it needs it.
To reposition your face toward me when you feel needy or the world feels dark so that you can receive the light and fullness that I have for you.
To help you remember- when your eyes are upon me- that I am BIG.
I am bigger than whatever it is that you’re praying about.
And I got it in my hands.
So you don’t have to take matters into your own hands. Just hand it back to me!
Ask me to help you.
Ask me to turn it around, yes, instead of trying to turn it all around in your own.
Or resigning yourself to believe this is just how things are now and always will be.
HAVE FAITH for change! Take heart!
But first- because I love you, and I want for you to be at peace before this challenge even passes, ask me to turn YOU around.
So you can see me and feel me and KNOW that you’re not alone.
Humility brings results.
First, it brings you to me.
Then, because you’ve come to me- you receive my fullness.
And, in the midst of that fullness, prayers that remain for others and for situations (Intercessions) also transform…
from wanting the change for you to wanting fullness for them!
& wanting glory for Me. {God.}
No longer needing glory for yourself, or needing anyone else’s behavior to change, before you can feel joy-full.
But freely filled, first, and pouring your heart out to me asking me to move on their behalf- to move in this world- to turn things back around… {yes, that’s still important, I just wanted to take care of your heart first so you can pray FROM FULL instead of from fear.}
AMEN, JESUS. Holy Spirit, keep turning me around. ❤️
Singing the song this way now, as a prayer:
🎶 🎵 I’m praying, God come And turn this thing around But first- God, turn me around God, turn me around God, turn me around
I’m calling on the name That changes everything, yes {change me first, God} Turn me around Turn me around Turn me around
All of my hope Is in the name The name of Jesus Breakthrough will come Come in the name The name of Jesus… God, turn us {our families} around God, turn us {our churches} around God, turn us {our country} around
God, please do something. God please move the mountains. God please make a way for all of us. All of our hope is in your name, Jesus. Breakthrough will come in your name, Jesus. God turn it around.
God, {start with me, and in each of us believers, and help us to pray, because change happens in the heart, and each heart must decide for themselves:} Turn me around Turn me around Turn me around” 🎵
When we plant a seed, there are processes immediately at work between that seed and the soil and water and sun, that unbeknownst to us are happening even before we see any indication that the plant is going to grow. I’ve not yet heard of anyone truly finding magic beans that grow into a huge beanstalk overnight, and if I did I’d be leery to sell the “family cow” to buy one because things grown overnight are rarely as wonderful and good-quality as the ones you wait for.
The finest wines are aged for decades.
Babies take 9 months to grow inside their mothers.
And I’m coming to realize that between the faith we plant in God’s promises and the time of getting to eat the fruit of those promises, there is always a wait.
Sometimes God gives me little pieces of knowledge before I actually know what I’m supposed to use it for, and I jot these words down knowing I’ll certainly need them later. Probably on multiple occasions.
A few years ago I wrote down these two thoughts:
*When you are pregnant, you do not want your baby to come too soon. That could be dangerous and even deadly. We must wait for our blessings until their due time. Only God knows the due date (of ALL we are waiting for).
*Discomfort can be a sign of a good thing on the way. When a mother is expecting, she often must go through morning sickness, breast pain, nausea, and the agony of childbirth. But she bears these things gladly knowing the rewards that will follow.
The road to our answered prayers is not easy.
Waiting is a painful part of the process, and so is the growing that we must go through to be ready.
It’s so easy to want our beans to grow overnight or want the “pregnancy” (the waiting period) to hurry up.
But if it did, what came from it would not be healthy.
So instead of praying for no wait, I’m realizing we need to pray for strength and peace DURING the wait.
〰️〰️ When I was in labor with my first son, it took over 24 hours because my body tensed up in pain. Even my epidural didn’t help. With my daughter and practicing relaxation techniques, it wasn’t quite as long and it definitely wasn’t as painful.
Perhaps if we force ourselves to look away from the pain, to relax even when everything inside us wants to curl up in a ball and tense up, just maybe the wait won’t be (or feel) as long. And it probably won’t be as painful either.
〰️〰️〰️ Let’s distract ourselves today by praising God BEFORE the breakthrough!
Praise him for the work he is doing under the surface!
Praise him for the processes happening that we cannot see, between the seed and the soil.
Even praise him for the fertilizer (whatever “poopy” situation we find ourselves in 💩) that is going to help us grow in faith in HIM, instead of the false sense of security we are used to having in other things. 〰️〰️〰️
Psalm 126:5-6 “Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting. He who goes to and fro weeping, carrying his bag of seed, Shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.” 〰️〰️〰️
The work God does within us while we wait is just as important as whatever we are waiting for. 🍓
I let my kids see their dad and I kiss, our love for each other.
We let them see us hold hands in the car, and on the couch, and on together-walks.
Occasionally, they may even see him playfully pinch me on the back side. Which is always followed by an “Eeew! You guys! We are right here!” 😂
But I think it’s important for kids to see their parents loving on each other. It’s important for them to see the great parts of marriage. To see the romance, the joy, the delighting in one another continue, even when it’s not fresh anymore!
〰️〰️
I let my kids see their dad and I bicker sometimes, which is also a reality of a marriage between a man and a woman – who as a man and a woman have brains that are wired very differently.
Who would we even be kidding if we didn’t? Everyone (and especially the children) can sense when a couple is having a moment of disharmony.
They sometimes see a tear fall out of my eye when he’s said something insensitively and my soft heart is (sometimes too) easily pierced.
They sometimes see his jawbone tighten and his normally laid-back demeanor clench up when I’ve said something disrespectfully and his masculine need for respect has been punched.
We let them see frustrations with one another and how we get through them, by pressing into prayer and leaning into love, when the enemy tries to tempt us to stiffen up in pride and pull away from each other.
There were many years before we put God in the middle where we were much more dramatic with our disagreements. One leaving the house for a couple of hours to settle down. (Thankfully always coming back.) Or withdrawing for long periods of time into separate rooms. Me following him around the house because I “had to” resolve it now. Giving each other the silent treatment. Or sometimes even yelling.
They saw those moments too, when we didn’t want them to.
But you know what, I don’t feel bad about that because they see how differently it looks with God at the center.
Not that it’s perfect or ever could be (we are two different people trying to weave a life together after all).
But that the forgiveness comes quicker, the leaning in and showing love comes quicker, can come before the feelings even, when we press into the Lord of Love, the Father of Forgiveness, and ask him to give us his grace and mercy for each other when we aren’t feeling it on our own.
〰️〰️
AUTHENTIC.
If I had to sum it up in one word, that is my goal. To just be real and show real.
Filtered not by feelings and what I WANT to be real but by FAITH, and what I KNOW to be true despite any particularly messy or particularly magnificent moments.
That we will have good times and bad together.
Sunshine and rain.
Such is life here on Earth.
BOTH are required to grow us. And sometimes growing is great. And sometimes growing is hard.
〰️〰️
This is how I want to show my love for Jesus with the world! Just like I show my love for Brett with my kids!
Appropriately, yes, but unashamed!
AUTHENTIC.
Letting others see the very thing that fills me up with love.
My Jesus, like my husband.
Real.
Doesn’t always say what I want to hear.
Comforts.
But doesn’t always conform to my ideas.
Loving. Protecting.
But can’t always shield me from every feeling, every situation, every storm, in t.h.i.s. world.
〰️〰️ Sometimes God and I have moments together where he takes my breath away with the way he lavishes love upon me. He has given me blessings that I could never deserve.
And sometimes God and I have moments together where I feel angry and hurt. Where, just like a man, but moreso, I don’t always understand him. Because we are DIFFERENT. He is God and his ways are higher than mine!
But always, ALWAYS we are better together! God and I. My husband and I. And my husband and I, WITH God in the center, we don’t break down as easily as we did before.
“Two are better than one because they have a more satisfying return for their labor; for if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion…if two lie down together, then they keep warm;… though one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” 〰️Ecc. 4:10
“You’re trying to lift your head in worship, but the weight of life has you pinned to the floor. That’s ok; Worship from the floor!” – Author Unknown
I saw this quote this morning and it embodied one of the very things God had been showing me lately:
While worship isn’t for us {We come to thank and praise Him} we come out of that time STRONGER ⚔️ His presence SECURES and EMPOWERS {HIMpowers} us. ⚔️
The enemy would have us believe that we shouldn’t come into His presence until we are either worthy or desperate.
The enemy would have us believe that we should try our very best FIRST, and only then “bother” God for help.
The enemy would have us believe that there are other people who are more desperate, always. {And usually there are.} And so he tells us we don’t want to bother God with our little desperations. And we tend to only REALLY seek His help with the big stuff.
But GOD- doesn’t operate like the enemy. And His thoughts aren’t like our thoughts either.
God says COME.
No earning or “trying to be good” required. The altar does require perfection, but humans don’t have that capacity for pure holiness. We all have sinned & fall short of the glory of God. But JESUS PAID our way in! So all we have to do is accept that He is the way and ASK Him.
God says ASK.
Ask for His help with the big stuff. But also the little stuff. And everything in between. When we ask, we also gain an awareness of His presence. And when we receive an answer it’s a present.
Our graces and blessings are gifts from God, not “the universe”.
And no matter how many other bigger problems people are experiencing out there in the world, He can handle them.
He has room to bear your burdens too, They’re not a burden to Him.
Not that they’re not heavy-
That the weight of the world in this moment isn’t heavy.
We aren’t denying that it is.
We are simply remembering, right now, just how much BIGGER He is.
He’s got the whole universe
them-
you-
even future generations-
all of us, all of it-
in His hands.
So come. Ask.
Like this: 🙏🏻 “God, I feel like a mess today. I feel like I should be able to fix this thing {whatever it is, insert your burdens here} on my own. I feel like I should be able to “woman up” and get through these feelings. But I can’t. The more times I go through it, the less desire I even have to try. But I heard I can just ask you. I heard that even though I don’t feel like I deserve any favors from you, I have your favor. Because Jesus loves me. So I’m coming to you with that faith. Here’s what’s going on. Please help me. And before you even handle the situation, please hold me. Help me get a grip, as your grace grips me here in this place. And those people I see, who have it worse than me {list them out}, thanks that you have them in your hands too. There’s enough room for all of us there. Please hold and help them today too, God. Thank you for the break throughs you are sending on our behalf!”
On this day two years ago, God blessed me in the form of being able to fill my gas ⛽️ tank for $8.00 ($0.43 a gallon! Wow! 😯)
A few days ago, God again blessed me in the form of being able to fill my gas tank. (Though the piece tag was significantly higher. Like ten times the amount. 🫤)
If my eyes are on the economy, on the news, on circumstance, I will be frustrated when prices are up and hope seems down. When my dollar doesn’t go as far, I can tend to not be as thankful for it. Or to be more worried about how to make more come in.
If my eyes are on Jesus, I will see that all my blessings come from Him. Any money we have is from Him, even when we take part in working for it. Because He gave us the bodies and minds and opportunities to be able to work and support our families. ❤️
Here’s what’s on my heart this morning.
Because I GET IT.
I get the frustration at the gas pump and at the grocery store. I get why people tell other people to stop calling the glass “half full” (because to those living on less, inflation hits much harder.)
I also get the wanting to encourage others. Because it’s hard to see morale down.
I think the true issue is – that all the encouragement in THIS world falls short. And that’s why I encourage with the only stuff that doesn’t. ✝️
Not that this world doesn’t matter. He came here and shed His blood to show us how much it does.
But that the spiritual things which are eternal, matter even MORE.
And that when we turn our eyes toward Him, In gratitude, saying “Thank you Jesus!” instead of turning them upon our earthly leaders and passive-aggressively grumbling “Let’s go, Biden” we feel ALOT more joyful!
Our spiritual tanks OVERFLOW, even! Freely!
Faith isn’t the denial of problems, as if they don’t exist. It’s denying them the power to control our attitudes and determine our heart-songs. ⚔️❤️⚔️
We must guard our hearts.
——-
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus….
And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise…
Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you….
… I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
…And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.”
“The mother not in the pictures {because she is always the one taking them}, is, in fact, MORE in the pictures than everyone else.”
That was a God-thought in my heart that hit me out of nowhere the other day.
I didn’t give it much thought then, but He repeated Himself again today.
My mom just gifted my daughter with her hand-me down computer, and an embroidery machine so that she can keep practicing what she’s learning from her grandma. 💕
So just now, I was upstairs checking out her room which she had freshly cleaned, to make room for these things. And I see the screensaver that had been my mother’s. A picture of me and my three siblings. Love.
I had a flashback to going through old photo albums and thinking that I wished I had more pictures with my mom when I was little. She wasn’t really a picture taker, that was more of my thing. (And over the years since I’ve been old enough I’ve probably taken enough for everyone in the whole family lol. My iPhone storage would attest to that. 😆)
I also remember reading some blog posts about the subject of mothers in photos. How we aren’t in them enough because we are always the one taking them. How many mothers wish that their husbands, or someone- anyone- would capture candid photos of them with their kids. Not posed, but photos simply in the moment, because when a mother is engaged with her children, that is when her most beautiful self often emerges. (Our kids have a way of drawing out both extremes of emotions don’t they? 😉 It’s because we are very passionate about them!)
I also recall the last time my daughter cleaned her room. She had just created this photo wall with pictures she had.
There were photos of her with her daddy (lots of them), of her with her brothers, with family, with friends, with old classmates.
But not one single photo of her with me.
And I know it sounds silly, but my feelings were hurt, and I blurted out a comment along the lines of “Guess Dad’s your favorite, huh?”
(It can really feel that way sometimes, especially when Mom is the homeschool enforcer, and Dad is the fun softball coach. When Mom is usually the serious, and Dad is usually the playful.)
Her reply was that of course she didn’t have a favorite, it’s just that we don’t usually print pictures out. AND that she has more photos with everyone else because I’m usually the one taking them.
And that was the end of that conversation.
But a few weeks later, I was enjoying watching my children play together, and I reached for my camera and that is when God gave this insight to me:
“The mother not in the pictures is MORE in the pictures than everyone else.
More than on the surface,
More than what she looks like on the outside,
You can SEE who she is through the pics that she takes.
You can see a glimpse of her HEART!
Just look!
What do you see in the photos you’ve taken?
LOVE.
The dozens of pictures you took and can’t bear to delete, even though they’re similar, because different facets of your kids’ personalities were caught in different frames.
Delight. Adorable pucker. Silliness. Sweetness.
You relish every facet of your children.
And your husband.
And your loved ones.
Don’t you?
Do you see how that actually captures your essence more than a photo with your face in it?”
Me- “WOW. Yesssss.”
God- “Now that you know this, can you see ME in your pics?
In the photos that have been taken of you,
instead of judging yourself by the physical flaws you see…
by seasons of teenage awkwardness,
or motherhood with its extra pounds…
whether good hair day, or messy bun and getting it done…
Look past the subject of the photos, and you can SEE the heart of the one who captured it AND – another level out- the One (Me) who created you both!
Zoom out in your perspective, examine photos like that, and I think you’ll learn a lot about love.
I think you’ll feel more loved, by your momma, and by me, than you’ve ever felt you’ve been loved before Not that I felt unloved. But we can always enjoy feeling it more can’t we?(Plus- “love you more than you’ve ever been loved before” is something my mom has been saying since I was a tot. 💗)
Today, booting up the computer with the picture my mom took of my siblings and I, right under the wall of photos in my girl’s room that I took, it all came together beautifully.
And it really touched my soul.
So much that I had to take a moment to share.
For any other mommas who may wish they were in more photos.
Or who tend to judge themselves too harshly when they ARE in photos.
Or who forget (or maybe have never realized at all), in the seriousness of life, how lavishly they really are loved:
Make a gallery of photos.
Ones you have taken and ones others have taken of you.
Look past the surface and learn.
See with new eyes!
Caption each photo with His goodness.
He is so so good.
And you are so very loved, beloved.
(And as a soul check, take a look at your camera roll. The photos that we capture, often tell a story of what we are currently valuing most. Is God in any of them? Quotes about His love, moments that you have been aware of His Presence? I think, perhaps, He desires to be in our hearts as much as we desire to be in our loved ones’.}
Sometimes I believe the prodigal is tempted to run again. I know this is true, actually, because the temptation came to me recently. As believers we don’t like to talk about things like this much, because they make us look weak and make us feel vulnerable. But if my weakness accentuates God’s glory and strength, then so be it. I will share. ❤️
So here is a journal entry of mine from last month, when I was in the middle of a spiritual battle, faced with the decision to fight-or-flight. Thankfully, the Lord fought for me when I finally allowed myself to simply become still. I think sometimes we need a reminder that He gives us this third option…THIS is how we fight our battles. ⤵️
“Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today…” from Exodus 14:13 NIV
—————— Journal Entry:
Sometimes the prodigal is tempted to run again.
Not for the same reasons they ran the first time.
(Because they were all about self.)
(Because they thought the world held so much more pleasure and promise.)
But because they have been trying their very best and still feeling very much like they are falling short.
Because they KNOW (have experienced) the undeserved love the Father has lavished upon them and they have been trying to rise up and be worthy of it.
But they just can’t.
They just keep falling short.
And the enemy uses that to try to get them to leave.
But the Father never expected them to earn their place in the family, only to appreciate it.
He never expected them to be perfect, He just loves that they are present with Him.
He is proud of them when they keep trying their best.
When they keep choosing to work for others’ good, to search for other lost ones with with Him.
He is proud when they keep repurposing the return party He has thrown for them, into a search party for those out there who are still unsaved,
or still hiding in pigpens hungry,
or still partying trying to fill a hunger that was never designed to be filled that way.
Those who have been trying to get all the good feelings out there, when love has been right HERE all along, and when embraced will give the feelings they’re looking for.
Returned-Prodigal, who is on the brink of running again… listen.
You are no more likely to be able to deserve God’s blessing, now that you’re back and have been for awhile…than you were when you first returned.
Just because He lets you go searching for others with him doesn’t mean He now expects perfection from you,
or for you to be ALL about service as if your self didn’t matter AT ALL.
(No, the part about loving God first is not for Him, it’s for you. God isn’t self-centered the way we are. He is absolutely pure love.)
When you seek Him first you will find every time that He loves you for YOU.
Not for what you do.
And that love empowers, and work can be done willingly from its overflow.
He pre-pays.
And it’s not wages, it’s a gift.
So prodigal if you’re ready to run…
if you’re ready to quit because it feels like so much,
and you also hate that you feel this way
because you KNOW how much He’s given you and you feel that you owe your all to Him…
Be still for a moment.
Remind yourself you don’t owe Him anything.
But not in a way of exerting independence like the enemy is likely tempting. (The voice that says “Get away. Go off by yourself. Don’t accept grace and favors from anyone because you’ll owe them and you don’t have it in you to pay them back. It’s not worth it. Better to not accept it and be in their debt to begin with.”)
No- God says there IS no debt with Him, because JESUS PAID IT!
We did owe Him. More than we could ever pay back with our entire lives. And that pressure was too great to bear! So Jesus took it on for us! That’s the essence of the Good News, isn’t it?
So free yourself from that pressure.
You don’t HAVE to work to deserve it.
No matter how much work you do, you’ll never feel even/that debt settled if you’re trying to work it out like that.
So let’s just settle that.
You don’t need to be even.
Humbly accept your indebtedness, and then gratefully accept that He paid it.
He doesn’t EXPECT anything of you.
And that’s hard to grasp maybe
because you expect a lot of yourself,
and of others.
When they receive grace you expect them to be appreciative,
when they have been in the church awhile you expect them to serve,
when they’re leaders you expect that they’d step up and be more excited about this stuff than sports or hobbies or anything else…
We feel they owe him that don’t they? They owe the body that?
But it’s not like that in His Kingdom! They don’t OWE Him. They don’t OWE the church. Because Jesus already paid for their place.
A proper heart-felt response to that WOULD be overflowing in service out of gratitude…
If that is the fruit, then the root (His love planted in them) is healthy.
But if not, criticizing the tree for lack of fruit isn’t going to help.
We have to get to the roots.
Are they focused on works or worship?
Are they serving or attending because they love Him, because they are experiencing his love for them? Or is it duty? Is it works? (“If I do this I can feel good and even?” In which case, their level of gratitude limits their limit of service.)
Even if our heart is right, that we WANT to serve, because of what He has done for us, our level of gratitude still plays a role in limiting our desire to serve.
So when our desire to serve is down, increasing our gratitude is the solution.
It’s like a chemical (spiritual) reaction— God is the constant, and He is in us. Gratitude is the other reagent. And service is the outcome.
God doesn’t change. You’ll notice when someone’s service is up AND they’re joyful about it…when it’s not forced, it just flows- they also are almost always incredibly grateful.
Our desire to sit with Him is a different equation with a different set of factors.
Often, we naturally want to sit still with Him when we feel proud of our service or behavior- because then we feel like we deserve it, have earned it and aren’t going to go into debt for it.
We don’t naturally like to accept charity or grace or favors.
Something in us (which is maybe an honorable part in other areas of our lives) wants to take only what we need (for example, in times of distress) or have earned.
But we have to get over that because it will dry up! Neediness dries up. (Thank God!) Our ability to earn dries up. (We need you, Jesus!)
I believe this is the equation.
Gratitude + God(‘s Presence) = Work.
As a prodigal, my journey started with gratitude, which increased my awareness/soaking in of His presence and resulted in work. (Not forced works, but a natural flowing.)
But as I began to focus on work, my gratitude decreased because I unconsciously thought His presence was deserved,
When my gratitude (grateful attitude) decreases – my awareness of his presence (presents) decreases, and then my WANT-to-work naturally decreases!
So what’s the solution?
We can force ourselves to work of course, but that is grind.
It’s adding into the equation and it’s exhausting, constantly feeding in manipulated “motivation” as a reagent.
But we don’t have to do this!
Nor do we have to decrease our commitments to serve!
The solution is to focus on what He has given us to be thankful for.
And if we can- focus less on our own desires, less on our own work and what we think others should be thankful to us for, because that competes for our mental resources and decreases our capacity for gratitude.
Put as much focus as you can into thanking Him- worship.
And work will flow naturally, wonderfully!
But it doesn’t work the other way around- Put as much focus as you can on work and you won’t be able to feel the reaction (gratitude and His presence) and eventually you won’t be able to muster up any motivation and the work too will come to a stop.
————— This is what God shared with me as I became still before Him.
When I paused in running myself ragged with a thousand to-do lists which were tunneling me into tasks for Him but away from quality time with Him.
Yet, as I prioritize that time with Him- even when I don’t feel worthy of it- even when I haven’t begun to make a dent in all the things He whispered in the quiet place that we would be doing together- my energy returns! His lightness in me, His light in me comes back!
And I am ready to run again! WITH HIM, not away from Him!
It’s not the running that’s wrong.
It’s whether we are running away from Him or toward!
Prodigals with the urge to run- Turn around And run right back toward Him! 👟 👟❤️
He’s ALWAYS ready to welcome you (again and again and again) and spend time with you at home.
That’s what Jesus said to me, in my spirit, the other day.
It’s not the first time He has said that to me the last few years, but it’s the first time I’ve shared it.
When He repeats Himself I know I need to listen closely.
You see I used to work in the mortgage delinquency department of a bank. Often times, people would call us because they were having a hard time and needed some grace on their payments. While we couldn’t prevent their credit from being affected, we could offer them a forbearance plan where they could make half or full payments for awhile. The downside to that was that usually at the end of the forbearance period, we would have to set them up on a repayment plan- which is where they make their payment PLUS some, so that they’re fully caught up in 6 – 12 months.
I had always been a pretty aggressive “earner” in my younger adult years. I didn’t know how to rest. I would take books with me everywhere until my degree was finished. After that, I would always be trying to figure out how to take my career to the next level, even though I switched jobs a lot and never really felt like I had found out what my career was supposed to be. Eventually I didn’t really care what I did anymore, I just wanted to succeed and I ran really hard, skipped a lot of sleep to be able to do that. But the cost was really high to my soul and my body. And I remember getting to the point where my spirit felt bankrupt, and I cried out to God for a forbearance period.
“I just need a season where I can be still, and rest a little. PLEASSSSE.”
And He gave it to me.
This has happened twice.
It happened the first time, about 4 years ago, right before I got pregnant with our miracle rainbow baby.
And it’s been happening cyclically since 2020, after my baby became mobile, COVID made life messier, and I felt called to go beyond (meaning out of) the life of daydreaming and digging deep for goals, that I had been living in…
In these seasons I enjoyed stillness and soaking up time with Him like no other. I even found myself wanting to work in a new way, flowing from fullness instead of out of a sense of indebtedness or from an emptiness that I wanted to fill.
But there was also this resistance within me that didn’t trust it. Didn’t believe this grace was really free.
I saw it more like a forbearance- (defined as the action of refraining from exercising a legal right, especially enforcing the payment of a debt.)
Forbearance, in the context of a mortgage process, is a special agreement between the lender and the borrower to delay a foreclosure. The literal meaning of forbearance is “holding back”. This is also referred to as mortgage moratorium- a legal authorization to debtors to postpone payment.
What happened then, both times, and what I still find happening now even when I take just a day of rest with God, is that my flesh fights it.
As soon as that rest period is over, I run back into frenzied activity as if I have to make up for “lost time.” As if I now owe a debt, that I have to pay back with interest.
And I don’t think that this is just me. I think many Christians tend to fall into this trap, in one way or another.
Embracing grace initially, maybe for a moment, or a week, month, or season. And then buying the lie that the “honeymoon is over”. The “grace period” is up. And we have to get back to the grind again. And extra hard, to make up for the “missed time.”
The more I repeat this cycle, the quicker I recognize the collapsing feeling that follows the sprint-to-catch-up. Which is good, because it’s not until I feel tired that I realize I ran on ahead of my Jesus and began missing Him.
This month He has been calling me back into deeper quiet times with Him, which I love, but my flesh has been fighting it again.
I’m afraid of “missed time” I guess, because even though I’m serving a lot at home and in other ways, I feel like I should be doing more to contribute to our finances during this season of high inflation and gas prices. And the fact that I’m not often plagues me with guilt and invites me to be afraid about our future.
I’ve been asking Him if it’s time for me to add something else on. (If the forbearance is done and my debt is due.) Or if I missed something and heard him wrong, if I’m messing His plan for me and our family up somehow.
I don’t like wasting things. And especially a thing as precious as time!
But I love the way He speaks.
So this is what happened next, after I asked him again about this. (And more urgently. Like God I need to hear you now on this! I’m feeling ultra needy of some guidance.)
I pick up a shirt my husband had been given at work, that he said I could have because it didn’t fit him right.
I toss it on because I was running behind on laundry and it was time to go pick up my nephew from preschool.
And as I do, I notice the sleeve of this shirt. What does it say?
“No lost time.”
It was, of course, referring to the fact that in 2021 at my husband’s work place there were no accidents which had caused lost productive time to the place. That’s why they had given him this shirt.
But God had other plans for it, as simple of a thing as it was.
He uses everything around Him to speak.
I know because He has done it time and time again.
It’s like an extra-rich language you might miss if you’re not listening for it, but when you’re tuned in you can’t NOT hear and see what He’s saying to you.
“No lost time.”
I read the words and they echoed in my spirit.
“I don’t let anything go to waste, Daylene.
Especially not time.
Not even when you think you’ve surely wasted it.
I’m always using those seasons for something.
Shaping you, somehow.
Speaking to you, always.
You don’t have to worry about messing life up.
I am the potter, you are the clay.
I am the lover and you are the beloved.
Just be loved.
Soak it in. Day after day after day.
It’s not wasted time.
It’s that time together that will most certainly transform you.
Your soul longs for the culmination of this transformation.
But it’s not instantaneous, it happens over a lifetime.
Believe me that I know what I’m doing.
I’m never early or late.
Also know that I am not awaiting some future-version of you, to lavish my love upon.
As if when you’re more ( fill in the blank ) or when you feel more (fill in the blank ), I will love you more.
No. That’s how the world works maybe, but now how I do.
I’ll love you then, and I also love you just as much right now. And I loved you before you were even born. I hung on that cross for you.
I need you to take that, personally, and dwell on it whenever the enemy would have you forget or not feel it.
It’ll bring you right back to me.
Back to the place where you remember I said that your debt has FOREVER been PAID.
No “rent due”.
No works REQUIRED.
No end-of-the-grace-period.
No need to set up on a repayment plan.
I don’t want you to try to pay me back.
I just want you to embrace what I’ve done for you.
I want you to BE LOVED, beloved.
And you know from experience, when you take the time to do this- so much love flows back out of you that it goes to work, naturally, sharing my love with others.
And that’s ok.
Don’t let the enemy confuse you about that either.
Religious, forced works are one thing. (I will use those too, remember. So don’t get stuck here. I’m addressing your heart more than I am your hands.)
Work flowing out of a right-relationship that inspires you to rise up because my love has risen up inside of you… that’s an entirely different thing.
You don’t have to be afraid of being a workaholic in that regard. Of going back to workaholism again.
So- Drink it up! The sweetness that you love (me.)
Guzzle BEFORE you go to work!
You cannot get drunk on water.
Carry me- the Living Water – with you.
You never know who may be parched.
And more than any writing you do, you are part of the communicating I am doing- remember, that rich language we talked about before that goes beyond words?
My testimonies are written on your heart. ❤️
I am literally in you, so I’m in everything you do.
This frees you to stop obsessing over what career you do (or don’t do.)
Instead of centering life and your identity on a career (or the status of not having to work or reaching “retirement”) which is so common to your culture, center it on me.
Focus on worship.
You’ll find your hand working naturally as a result.
And you’ll find freedom from the having to force them to (or not to.) ❤️”
Wow. God and I had such a good chat today. And I thought I’d share in case anyone else is struggling with a feeling of indebtedness, a desire to retire (be done), or workaholism. I really needed to hear this today.
That His grace period never ends.
That I can always be filled up, for free.
And that I’m always wanted and welcomed to work, that it’ll flow without my even trying some days, because it’s from full.
And when it doesn’t flow, but it needs to— I don’t have to try to push it out. I can simply praise instead. And the flow will be restored again!
How amazing is that?
————-
Luke 12:29-32 MSG
“What I’m trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don’t be afraid of missing out. You’re my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself.”
Isaiah 55:1-13 MSG
“Hey there! All who are thirsty, come to the water! Are you penniless? Come anyway—buy and eat! Come, buy your drinks, buy wine and milk. Buy without money—everything’s free! Why do you spend your money on junk food, your hard-earned cash on cotton candy? Listen to me, listen well: Eat only the best, fill yourself with only the finest. Pay attention, come close now, listen carefully to my life-giving, life-nourishing words. I’m making a lasting covenant commitment with you, the same that I made with David: sure, solid, enduring love. I set him up as a witness to the nations, made him a prince and leader of the nations, And now I’m doing it to you: You’ll summon nations you’ve never heard of, and nations who’ve never heard of you will come running to you Because of me, your God, because The Holy of Israel has honored you.” Seek God while he’s here to be found, pray to him while he’s close at hand. Let the wicked abandon their way of life and the evil their way of thinking. Let them come back to God, who is merciful, come back to our God, who is lavish with forgiveness. “I don’t think the way you think. The way you work isn’t the way I work.” God’s Decree. “For as the sky soars high above earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think. Just as rain and snow descend from the skies and don’t go back until they’ve watered the earth, Doing their work of making things grow and blossom, producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry, So will the words that come out of my mouth not come back empty-handed. They’ll do the work I sent them to do, they’ll complete the assignment I gave them. “So you’ll go out in joy, you’ll be led into a whole and complete life. The mountains and hills will lead the parade, bursting with song. All the trees of the forest will join the procession, exuberant with applause. No more thistles, but giant sequoias, no more thornbushes, but stately pines— Monuments to me, to God, living and lasting evidence of God.”
Matthew 11:28-30 MSG
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
Deflated. That’s how I had been feeling lately and I didn’t know why. But people are seeing it and starting to ask me. I’m embarrassed that my “light is off” but I’m not controlling any switch.
Life is fine. It’s good! I’m a lucky girl.
There are people I miss, for sure, waiting for me in heaven. But there are people right here- my husband, my kids, my mom, my siblings and nieces and nephews, other family and friends…and I am blessed. That’s not it.
We’ve had more, but we’ve also had less. That’s not what it is.
Me- “Why do I feel so ‘off’ lately, Jesus??” I asked Him.
“You miss me.”
Me-“Miss you? I’ve been in the church more than ever before. We have sometimes been there 3 or 4 nights in a week. I love it, I’m not complaining. But that can’t be it.”
“I didn’t say you missed the church. I said you miss ME…. Remember how you used to just sit with me and ask me questions and write them down, and then I’d answer them and you’d write those down too? You filled up notebooks with our conversations, just like you and your husband (then-boyfriend) used to do in high school before texting was a thing…”
Me- “Oh yeah. 🥰 I DO miss that! Those were some great times. But I haven’t had as much time lately. I’ve been out doing the things you told me you had for me to do, when we were sitting there together. Remember? People need to know you’ve risen, that you’re coming back! When they come into the family, someone’s gotta make sure they’re connecting. And staying connected. That they have events to come to. That they’re being fed. I love you and you said in the Bible that if I love you, I should feed your sheep remember?”
“Yes, but you’re not pausing long enough to let me properly feed you. You’re my sheep too. 🐑 I miss our time. I miss filling you. And that feeling you’ve been feeling that you (sheepishly 😉) came to me about just now- you’re having that feeling because you miss me filling you too. You’ve been coming to me like a drive through. I want you to come eat a sit-down meal. A five-course feast. I need you to start eating again, you’ll feel better in no time.”
So that’s what I did. The last few days I took time to enjoy Him as if all the other responsibilities didn’t exist. I got to them after, of course. But for awhile I just sat and drank in His presence.
I went on a praise walk. Outside in the wind, sun on my face, eyes mostly closed, hands in the air not caring who might see me because I’m reaching up to Him to be held, without shame for needing that- even when it seems so many other of his babies need held more.
He showed me that I am better at coming to Him when either I feel desperate or deserving. (Though I never am deserving.)
He showed me that I’ve been looking around and seeing all the people who are going through desperate times right now, and determining that they need His time more (as if it were limited!)
He showed me that I’ve been looking at the unsaved and the responsibility to feed them, but then trying to figure out how to supply the food myself… and determining that I can’t. (Like the disciples when they said we don’t have enough food for all these people!) Forgetting that it’s HE who provides.
Jesus was good to show me exactly what’s been going on with me, but He also loves me enough not to leave me there. Sometimes we have to feel the “drowning” feeling before we reach out to Him for help. But I think He’d rather we reach out, always, so we never get that feeling to begin with.
I think He’s teaching me to come to Him always to get filled- DEEPLY- because I need it as much when life is ordinary as I do when it’s overwhelming.
Today, on day 3 of my refresh, I turned on praise music as I cleaned the house- and that old feeling has been back. I can sense Him with me. The lightness. The joy. The fellowship. It feels as if He’s cleaning with me. And as I notice that I stop and smile.
My eyes come to rest on this friendship bread starter on my counter that my friend had delivered to me.
I remember how I had been scrolling Pinterest for dinner ideas a few days before that, and thought about how fun it would be to start one of those. But I had forgotten. Who has time for that?
I had laughed and told her about it when she texted me to ask if I wanted one.
In this moment, though, I realized just how present Jesus had been the whole time. Even when I was quiet. Even when I was not as tuned in to Him.
He was still listening.
He was still working behind the scenes to catch my attention. To call me back to Him. To surprise and delight me!
As I looked at the bread starter today and delighted in Him this morning, wondering how long it would take to begin to rise, He said to me- “I have risen.”
Me- “Thank God! I’m so glad you’ve risen. Easter is this weekend and that’s been on my heart.”
“I’m also STILL RISING.”
Me- “Huh?”
“I’m STILL RISING. The “dough” has been separated like friendship starts. There’s enough for EVERYONE. It doesn’t run out. I’m not limited. I keep going and going, making new “starts” in people’s lives as you share me, but I’m still plenty for you too!”
Me- “ 😮 How long have you had this lesson prepared? 😍”
“ 🥖 Keep eating your bread, Daylene. I love you. I promise it won’t ever run out. Stay filled. I will full-fill your purpose through you. You’re not doing it for me. You’re embracing what I’ve done for you, and you’re letting me work through you. But take a breath. We’re doing it together. Just like your housework. And that’s so much better, isn’t it? It makes it light. It turns the light in you back on. 💡”
This Easter weekend I wanted to share that personal conversation Jesus and I had.
In case anyone else needs their light turned back on too.
He has risen. YES!
He’s also STILL RISING!
He’s raising my Spirit. And yours. And anyone’s who will let Him in!
And when He comes back there will be the feast of all feasts! Can you imagine?! A party He’s been preparing for over 2,000 years!!!
I thought the lesson He had prepared over a week or so was amazing. The goodness of it brought me to my knees. I imagine I’ll fall flat on my face over His awesomeness when He comes back!
🥖 Anyone need a “friendship bread start?” Need to be introduced to Jesus? He’ll be the best by far that you’ve ever Had!
As I laid back down, I looked at the face of my three-year-old little guy in the middle of my bed, beautifully still.
My laying back down startled him and he started crying.
“Mommy’s here, bud. I got you. You’re ok. I love you. You’re such a treasure,” I reassured him.
And I meant it.
Deeply.
With everyone fiber of my being.
Even though he is going through a toddler stage where he says “No” a lot, and does what he wants to do stubbornly, much to my chagrin in public.
Oh how I meant it.
He’s a treasure.
A long-awaited treasure.
And the baby stage where he’d be still and let me hold him passed so quickly it seems,
that these moments when he is sleeping and not running around, busily… so that I can hold him, and look at him, and love on him, are cherished even more.
———-
As the daughter of God,
I sometimes forget that no matter how old I grow, He still loves me this way.
I sometimes forget that I’m His baby.
That He too cherishes stillness,
and my willingness to be held by Him.
Still. Secure. Snuggled. Loved.
As I have grown into new roles-
Wife
Mother
Worker
Leader… (Still not sure if I feel qualified to be called that)…
I have placed some big responsibilities on myself.
And that’s normal, to be expected, necessary even.
We can’t remain babies forever, always crying and consuming and never producing anything for anyone else to consume.
I see my own expectations of my children changing as they grow. Believing that they should mature, compose themselves with more grace, more initiative, and so on. Expecting that as they know better, they do better.
I have related to God as my parent in this way. Understanding that He too, desires for me to mature, to compose myself with more grace, to take more initiative in being a blessing than I do in looking to be blessed, and so on. Expecting that as I know better, I do better.
And yet, I suspect there’s more to his emotions about me that I do not understand.
A grace that I simply cannot fathom,
though I’ve tried to examine it.
A patience for me that is admirable.
Incomprehensible, really.
Me, who feels like a tangled mess of emotions some days.
Of anticipation and joy and wonder.
Moments of fear, and anxiety and frustration.
Frustration that I can’t control the world I live in, and my children live in.
And that sometimes I can’t even control my own self…my own emotions, my own will.
I can’t even always live up to the good standards I desire for my children. (Mommas, can you relate? I sometimes find myself hollering at my kids to stop their hollering! 🤦🏼♀️)
I’m like a grown-up toddler pulled this way and that, unsure of how to react sometimes, and often I could just really use a nap…
But I WANT to.
I want to get it right, to make Him proud.
I want to feel proud of myself
and experience the sureness that a well-done has been earned.
I want to be His treasure.
Even though I often feel quite sure I’d never be worthy to be called that.
I want to be his “good girl”,
even though I feel like I’m a hot mess
who belongs in time out,
until she gets her crap together.
The human in me puts a limit on God’s grace and patience,
and I think that I see, in this moment, that the more my own patience is tested by my toddler, the more helpless and exasperated I feel-
as if I, too, must be testing God’s patience with me. Not on purpose. But just because of the imperfect person that I am.
But I don’t think I’m supposed to relate to Him as a parent like that.
I’m comparing my very small capacity with His limitless. And it’s leaving me feeling as if I must be frustrating Him.
I’m forgetting God’s love for me isn’t based on something as erratic as my own behavior or anything I do or don’t do for Him, but rather what Jesus already did for me on the cross.
In this moment I’m suspecting, remembering, as if for the first time, that He is simply calling me to get lost in a moment of being held by him.
A moment (or a thousand moments through my day) of soaking up His love so that I CAN go beyond the limit of my own patience, with my children.
In my mother-role I can best relate to His unconditional love for us.
There’s not a thing my children could do that would make me love them any more or any less. I already love them with my entire being. And even when I get annoyed, or overjoyed with their behavior, my love for them remains the same. Infinite.
And I am human.
My capacity is so…small,
and yet this love is so enormously intense.
Thinking about how God IS this love…
He’s the source of it,
the Original,
the Everlasting…
the One with infinite capacity…
My heart is refilled.
My perspective is reshifted.
My heart is reassured.
No matter how much I rocked it, or bombed it today- in any of the areas of my life-
(because doesn’t it feel like we are always rocking it in one area, while dropping balls in another?)—
No matter how well or poorly I performed my roles in any given moment,
He’s there with that same unconditional love and support.
He’s the Heavenly Dad that doesn’t love us any less when we fall short of our own expectations (thank God, because I have high expectations of myself and fall short often)…
or any more when we exceed them (thank God, because if I truly believe this I’d become obsessed with my own performance and get caught up in perfectionism because I crave His being pleased with me… which, now that I think of it, may be what’s been happening with me lately. 😉)
———-
I’m so thankful for the 1 am wake-up call of my bladder, followed by the moment of gazing at my toddler in my bed, filled with love and gratitude- simply that he’s mine… that I get to love on him… and for the whispers of my heavenly Dad that assures me, even though I can’t fully comprehend Him, He feels the same of me too.
And of YOU, dear reader, if you call Him Father.
He doesn’t look at us, resting, and remember what kind of a day we had.
Because of Jesus, who died so that we could become children of God… and not because of our own performance or earning of any position, (thank God)..,
He looks at us as His children-
His sometimes chaotic and sometimes angelic- but always beloved, children.
We have His heart.
Just like our kids have ours.
He’d do anything for us.
& Mostly He just wants us to be able to rest in this- that He’s got us.
That he LOVES us.
That it’s not about performance.
But- our behavior will naturally be more settled when our hearts are secured and settled in this pure and unshakable love of His.
Romans 8:14-17 NIV
“For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.”
From Full 