Author Archives: From-Full

Sometimes I will be in the middle of a normal, nothing-particularly-special moment, and I’ll feel a prompt to take a picture. 🧺

Sometimes I will know why right away, and sometimes it takes longer to become apparent.

In this particular moment, I was cleaning for a client and the words 𝓅ℴ𝓌ℯ𝓇 𝒶ℊ𝒾𝓉𝒶𝓉ℴ𝓇 popped out at me and beckoned me to ponder them.

To be honest with you, I really didn’t even know what an agitator was, in a washing machine, or what purpose it served.

The first thought that comes to mind when I think of the word agitator, is something that irritates you. Rubs you wrong. Pulls out the worst in you. I think, in the context of motherhood, of the times I’ve told my children not to agitate eachother. 🤪

But I love words and studying them, so I googled “What is a washing machine agitator” and this is what it said:

“An agitator is a tall, column-like post with fins or vanes that’s located in the center of a top-loading washing machine’s wash basket. As the washing cycle begins, the agitator twists back and forth, rubbing against clothes to help break down stains, dislodge dirt, and separate clothes. The agitator also helps distribute detergent and water evenly, and prevents clothes from forming a ball.”

In my faith life, I’ve often used the terms “soaking” to speak of being in God’s presence.

I’ve even shared about WORSHip being the way to “worsh” (the hillbilly way of saying wash 😉) worry off of your soul.

I’ve highly valued the 𝓌𝒶𝓉ℯ𝓇— the presence of God.

I’ve highly valued the 𝓈ℴ𝒶𝓅, the cleansing agent— the blood of Jesus.

But it never occurred to me until now, that the “agitators” in life also have meaningful purpose.

Very much like this physical washing machine and its power agitator, agitators in life are things that stir us up, rub against us, cause us to be or feel unsettled.

Regarding the spiritual life, it’s often only when agitators are present that we call upon God’s 𝓅ℴ𝓌ℯ𝓇.

When nothing in life seems to be stirring us or making us feel unsettled, when nothing is rubbing against us, we tend to work in our own power. We “soak” maybe, but the deep dirt that’s still in our hearts isn’t being worked out.

As much as we detest the presence of agitators in life, I’m beginning to see purpose in them. As I write this, I can think of a few agitating circumstances in my own life. And I don’t have to like them, to cooperate with God and ask Him to use them to pull out whatever dirt still needs to be worked out of my heart.

I just pray this part of the “cycle” doesn’t last long! 🙃

———

Being agitated by things in life…

Financial issues,

Needs of people that it appears we don’t have the means in our own selves to meet,

Whatever it is…

These things often feel like being shaken.

The other day I was feeling very much shaken, and I took a walk alone and was crying out for Jesus to calm me, steady me. When I ran out of words, a phrase bubbled out of the silence, and I knew it was from Him:

𝒩ℴ𝓉 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝓀ℯ𝓃…𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓇𝓇ℯ𝒹.

I marveled at it and how it changed my perspective in that moment.

Not all feelings of anxiety are the same.

Sometimes anxiety is anxiety and we need to tell it where to go.

Sometimes we need to hold firm onto our Foundation and refuse to be shaken!

But sometimes… He is stirring us, on purpose.

Sometimes we need to work with Him to let the agitators work something out that needs to go.

Sometimes He is stirring us on to be “agitated” over what agitates Him. To care about the things which His heart cares about. To be 𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓇𝓇ℯ𝒹 to love and good works. Even work of intercession and deliverance that can cause us to feel like our hearts are literally being pulled apart for someone else.

———

I looked up the definition of agitator again just now, and the second one listed literally said “an apparatus for 𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓇𝓇𝒾𝓃ℊ liquid”! 🤯

God is so fascinating!
He never ceases to amaze me!

Do these personal moments of revelation make the process any easier? Not really.

But they do help us remember we are not alone!

And if we let them, they can help us cooperate with His processes.

We can remind ourselves, when the challenges come, to WORSHip, because it’s all part of the “cycle”… and we will come out purer, if we let the process do its work in us. 🫶🏻 🧺 🤍

It’s been awhile since I’ve shared my God-talks on here, but today He showed me something so profound and so freeing, I couldn’t 𝓃ℴ𝓉 share. 💗

In order to do so, I honestly feel like the woman at the well…who went around declaring “This man is the Savior! He showed me everything I have done wrong!” (I have always marveled at that…how she wasn’t embarrassed by all the wrong things, not because she was proud of them but because she was delighted by the one who saw her sins and called her by her true identity, and out of those sins.)

So- sharing this moment I had with Jesus this morning will be revealing of a weakness I sometimes struggle with, but I don’t even care because His wisdom is THAT good! ☀️

So yesterday I was in a funk.
I don’t even know why, honestly, these have always seemed to creep up on me out of nowhere and the harder I try to get out of them the deeper I tend to sink.

Normally, when in one of these funks, I will turn on some praise music or read my Bible, spend some solo time with Jesus, and find He lifts me right out. Trusting Him for my salvation (not just eternal, but saving me from anything- whether a situation or a “simple” funk, is so much more effective than trying.)

But yesterday, I just didn’t feel like it. Right after Easter, which made the guilty feelings I had about this more intense.

Finally, I told Him that I wanted out of this bout of whatever it was…and I 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉ℯ𝒹 to want to be in His presence, but I can’t do either without His help.

Not long after that, a friend from church texted saying that God had put me on her heart, and asking if I was ok. Admitting to her that I was feeling frustrated, and didn’t know why, freed me from keeping that in. Her reaching out, and praying for me, did something to move God to action on my behalf.

After that I was able to read a chapter of a book I’ve been working on, and “coincidentally” that chapter was on praise and getting unstuck. It also offered an answer for another question the enemy had been guilting my heart with:

“Why…even though I’ve been walking with Jesus a long time, and I’m the closest to Him I’ve ever been…does it seem that I can tunnel into whatever this is, so quickly?”

The answer is, that when you’re on fire for God…(imagine you are a campfire)… if your flame is teeny tiny it might not burn through a log very quickly, but if you’re 𝒜ℬℒ𝒜𝒵ℰ, in order to 𝓀ℯℯ𝓅 that fire roaring and not feel burnt out, you have to throw MORE logs on. The bigger the fire, the MORE logs you need to keep adding!

Yet we humans have so much working against us, to keep us from doing this.

We have “common sense” that tells us there are things to be done, and the things we need to do should come before the things we want to do. Especially in seasons where more things are being added on our plates to do. (But when spending time with Jesus is what we want to do, we have to re-learn that it’s ok to do that 𝒻𝒾𝓇𝓈𝓉.)

Then we have guilt, for not naturally sensing that HE is what we need…and going to other things to stoke our fires. Or, just letting the fire die down and losing our glow.

But Jesus says no guilt is needed. And neither is grind. We can simply come back to Him and ℋℰ will stoke the fire again!

It is our job, however, to add logs to the fire.

Time with Him.

Praise sessions!

Time with friends who love Him, talking about Him and the great things He is doing!

I had scheduled a friend visit for yesterday before I even knew I needed it, and after that visit and sharing all the cool things God is doing around us and hearing all He is doing in her life, I felt whatever was on me break off completely. I went home and was back to my normal self, turning on praise music and singing with it while I made dinner- without stress or any depression-like symptoms pulling me down.

I know this won’t be the last funk I’ll experience. But I do try to learn from God in each episode so I can get back to being peaceful and joyful quicker and quicker. So this morning I was seeking Him to show me what trap it was that I had fallen into that had me there in the first place, and some keys I could use next time to get me out again.

I spent some time journaling with Him, and before long ONE simple, precise statement bubbled up out of my soul. I know it was Him, because I am much wordier. This was it:

“The opposite of self-pity is God-praise. And it’s the antidote too!” 🙌🏻 ✝️ 🙌🏻

The opposite of self-pity isn’t self-help, or self-pride, or the praise of people! It’s GOD-PRAISE! 💜💜💜

Honestly I didn’t even know self-pity had almost always been the entry-point for the enemy into my mind. He’s subtle, sneaky like that, starting with just a discontented thought or two and tunneling me down from there.

But God has been giving me pieces of wisdom in this season, 𝓀ℯ𝓎𝓈 that are unlocking chains that have been on my soul.

His words have an authority with them.

They go beyond head knowledge to the very core of our being.

Part of me hasn’t wanted to attempt to write them or share them, because I understand that just read with the eyes, processed with the brain, they may not have the impact they’ve had on me. But some things are too impactful not to share.

So my prayer is that if anyone else is reading this and struggles with bouts of depression, funks… and, as He revealed gently to me…moments of self-pity, like I do, He will take this sentence beyond your eyes and brain and straight into the place of pain in your soul, to bring His healing to you too. ❤️‍🩹

The beauty is, now that I have a name for this feeling, and the key 🔐 to unlock it, I am 𝒻𝓇ℯℯ!

The enemy might try to lock us up again, but our Jesus has taught us the way out!

HE IS the way (out!)

God-praise opens prisons!

God-praise breaks off self-pity!

God-praise breaks off depression— whether deep or “just a bout” of feeling low and less than joy-full.

God-praise rewrites
security over insecurity,
settledness over aimlessness,
plenty over lack,
fellowship over loneliness,
feeling seen and valued, over unseen/expendable.

He loves us and He always goes after the one to bring us back to His side, even the times we haven’t strayed very far yet at all. He doesn’t want 𝒶𝓃𝓎 gap between us.

He is our shepherd, & in Him we have 𝒶𝓁𝓁 we need.

He alone is 𝓌ℴ𝓇𝓉𝒽𝓎 of all of our praise!

Has anyone ever ridden an e-bike?

Every time I ride ours, I feel like there’s such a parallel between it and my spiritual life.

I haven’t take the time to sit down and process that until now, but most recently I was reminded of it a few weeks ago, when I took off for a solo ride because I was feeling heated and needed a breather.

The thing is— I took off so quickly, I forgot to check the battery level.

About a mile down the road, the power went out and I found myself manually peddling it the rest of the way back home.

That doesn’t seem like a big deal, except that the e-bikes peddle 𝓌𝒶𝓎 harder than a regular bike does, when they’re in manual mode.

And- having been spoiled going uphill, by electric assist anyway, suddenly those hills weren’t so easy anymore and I 𝒻ℯ𝓁𝓉 every bit of the effort it took to ascend.

——

There was a time in my life, when I grinded through everything in my own power.

Really, I thought it was the only way.

I didn’t know the “e-bike” of the Holy Spirit (the Helper as Jesus calls Him) was available, to assist me with the peddling and climbing.

Since I’ve discovered this way of living though, I’m finding my tolerance for grinding is GONE.

It’s as if I have traded that old “grind life” bike in for a Holy-Spirit-powered one, and whenever I allow my battery to die 🪫(whenever I forget to take adequate time to recharge 🔋 in Him)— I’m just 𝒹ℴ𝓃ℯ. And I feel it 𝒾𝓂𝓂ℯ𝒹𝒾𝒶𝓉ℯ𝓁𝓎, because I don’t even have that old grind power left in me.
I only run on grace these days.

I felt every bit of the way home on that bike ride a few weeks ago.

And also— it was clear that although not charging it was an accident on my part, the needed lesson was very much God-ordained and the message was received.

➡️ Plug in and get recharged often. The more you’re operating in Kingdom work the more you need to plug 🔌 back into alone time with the King to stay empowered. ⚡️

➡️ If you don’t though, you’ll SOON realize it. Thankfully He won’t let you get far before you feel it and can sense that you’re operating in your own power again. When this happens, it’s ok. You’re not broken. He’s just letting you feel the weakness of your flesh so that you go back to operating by faith, in His strength again. ❤️

Morning thoughts as I draw myself a bath to soak my sore muscles, before church:

Sometimes I think as Christians who love Jesus with 𝒶𝓁𝓁 our hearts, souls, minds, and strength, and want to see others on fire for Him 🔥… we can take a pressure on our selves, to fire people up for Him.

This is certainly true of myself.

I think it’s partly selfish, to be honest.
Because I’ve been part of a fired-up community of girls before and I 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓈ℴ 𝓂𝓊𝒸𝒽 to be part of a fired-up-for-Jesus community with ℰ𝒱ℰ𝒩 𝒢ℛℰ𝒜𝒯ℰℛ 𝓅𝒶𝓈𝓈𝒾ℴ𝓃 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒸𝒶𝓂𝒶𝓇𝒶𝒹ℯ𝓇𝒾ℯ! I got a taste of what that could feel like, and I want it back- but better, with Him at the center!

But it’s also people-centered.
I want it for others!
I’ve been through seasons of life where it felt like friends where few and far between, and friendships were surface and shallow.
I see the enemy working to try keep people either isolated (whether by offense, self-protection, distraction, their own busyness, or whatever else it may be)— or to keep their connections shallow and distant, so at least they aren’t rooted and grounded and likely to get relit if he blows their flame out.

The thing is, as I focus on what I want for me and what I want for others, my own flame begins to dim because it was thinking on and being aware of HIS presence that lit me to begin with! 🕯️

Today as I lit this candle, one wick at a time, for my bath— God showed me something:

One wick can’t light another by begging it.
By wishing for it.
By hollering at it “get lit”🔥
or feeling sulky whenever they don’t.

We need HIM to light us.
And them.

We can also be carriers of His light.
Naturally warming and spreading His love and catching others on fire,
as they simply draw near.

Simply by being lit ourselves
and staying open, close, welcoming.

Not pushing others away,
and not chasing them either.
But interceding and trusting Him to light them —
whether directly (lighter straight to wick)
or through us (wick to wick).

Either way, 𝓀𝓃ℴ𝓌𝒾𝓃ℊ-
the flame came from 🅗🅘🅜!

————

…”Shine! Keep open house. Be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous father in Heaven…” {Matthew 5:16 MSG}

————

Praying you feel the 𝓌𝒶𝓇𝓂𝓉𝒽 & ℊ𝓁ℴ𝓌 of His flame in your hearts today, friends!

And that He lights you up and helps you 𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓃ℯ, being 𝓁𝒾𝓉 𝒷𝓎 ℋ𝒾𝓂 wherever you go! 🧡

Last weekend, I had a mishap on my bike 🚲 and sliced open the back of my foot.

My hubby has been doctoring it at home for me, and we avoided having to get stitches, but because of where it’s located, and the fact that when I walk- it shifts, healing has been a challenge.

I had been using peroxide and triple antibiotic ointment on it, but when I had a chiropractor appointment the other day, he asked me if I had been soaking it at all.

That had never actually occurred to me to do! But he said that soaking it in an epsom salt bath 🛁 would help speed up the healing process. So I am definitely doing that! (And bonus— I also get to relax while I’m in the tub! 🪴 🕯️)

But as I was laying there soaking the other day, I thought “Of course! This make so much sense!”
Salt is known to help heal wounds and that is why when someone has a sore throat, it’s recommended that they gargle salt water.

I also know the benefit of spiritually “soaking” (spending time in the awareness of the presence of God, through worship and praise) — especially when I have a soul wound like grief that I am nursing.

But for the very first time a new thought popped into my mind as I soaked in my salty, spearmint-scented water.

And not just a thought, but a verse:

“𝒴ℴ𝓊 𝒶𝓇ℯ 𝓉𝒽ℯ 𝓈𝒶𝓁𝓉 ℴ𝒻 𝓉𝒽ℯ ℯ𝒶𝓇𝓉𝒽…” (from Matthew 5:13.) 🧂🌎

I had thought about this verse in other ways before, but for the first time it occurred to me in 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 way.

Jesus is the water. 💧
He does the healing.
His presence is what brings spiritual relief to people.
But He chooses 𝓊𝓈, for whatever reason,
to be the salt!

This post isn’t meant to be incredibly theological, but rather to get us thinking about the amazing role we are blessed to be called upon to play in others’ lives.

As I think about salt,
I think about tears.
All the tears of the different heartaches I have gone through in my life.

But God said not one tear is wasted.
He collects them.
He puts them to use.

He doesn’t cause the things that bring us grief,
but He does help us repurpose our pains to help others find healing in the midst of theirs.

The salt 🧂 of our tear-filled seasons, plus the water” of His Spirit, I believe,
forms a soak, of sorts,
that helps bring relief to others in their pain.

And others have done the same for us. 💔❤️‍🩹❤️

As we hear their testimonies
of how, though life was hard-
God was and is good-
some of the grime comes off our souls.
Some of the dirt and the bitterness
that the enemy tried to smear on us
washes off.

We are reminded (or made aware for the first time) — that this life, these bodies, aren’t our forever condition — it’s all temporary.
All the pain. All the cuts. All the scars.

One day He will wash it all away.
And we will be 𝒻𝓊𝓁𝓁𝓎 restored,
if we are His and He is ours. ❤️

Until then…
He doesn’t allow us to suffer in pain alone.

He sends His Spirit.

And He sends His people- His salt.

We can be “salty” in the best of ways.
Quite the opposite of what that means in this world.

Yesterday I was walking down the road,
and this row of trees caught my eye. 🌲 🌲 🌲

Full.
Lush.
Healthy.
Restored.
As if they were never in bad shape at all.

But last year— they were almost taken out.

Last year, bagworms nearly destroyed them, spreading damage from one to the next,
to the next,
until almost the whole line had giant dead patches.

I thought they were going to have to cut these trees down.

I don’t know what they did, but it worked.
Here they are a year later—
a testimony to their restoration.

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️
I don’t know who needs to hear this today but I know there are many in here struggling.

Life may be hard right now.

You may feel like one thing at a time is eating you away, taking your trees out.

You may feel like what was once beautiful is now a hopeless mess.

You may be considering just chopping it all down.

But hold on. There is hope.

{H- hold
O- on
P- pain
E- ends}

Joy comes in the morning.

Even if we have to go through seasons of loss and mourning.

Our Maker has a restoration plan.

He’s already begun the process.

On the other side of Heaven we will stand tall and fully renewed,
with a glorious testimony,
of how everything that tried to destroy us
didn’t win.
He did.

In the meantime-
through the tears and the struggle-
𝒷ℯ𝒻ℴ𝓇ℯ our messes have been transformed into messages,
and 𝒷ℯ𝒻ℴ𝓇ℯ our tests have been turned into testimonies…
We can cling to 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 testimony—

“ℱℴ𝓇 𝒢ℴ𝒹 𝓈ℴ 𝓁ℴ𝓋ℯ𝒹 𝓉𝒽ℯ 𝓌ℴ𝓇𝓁𝒹, 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 ℋℯ ℊ𝒶𝓋ℯ ℋ𝒾𝓈 ℴ𝓃ℯ 𝒶𝓃𝒹 ℴ𝓃𝓁𝓎 𝒮ℴ𝓃, 𝓈ℴ 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓌𝒽ℴℯ𝓋ℯ𝓇 𝒷ℯ𝓁𝒾ℯ𝓋ℯ𝓈 𝒾𝓃 ℋ𝒾𝓂 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝓃ℴ𝓉 𝓅ℯ𝓇𝒾𝓈𝒽, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝒽𝒶𝓋ℯ ℯ𝓋ℯ𝓇𝓁𝒶𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓃ℊ 𝓁𝒾𝒻ℯ.”

So when this world 𝒻ℯℯ𝓁𝓈
like loss after loss after loss,
and death after death after death…
He enables us to walk by 𝒻𝒶𝒾𝓉𝒽 instead,
And rise up out of those graves of pain that seek to bury us before it’s our turn.

He breathes 𝒽𝒾𝓈 life into us.
And helps us live—
not just 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 life,
but our life that’s ℯ𝓋ℯ𝓇𝓁𝒶𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓃ℊ. ☀️

Be sure of it.
He 𝒲ℐℒℒ help you stand tall and full again!

Sometimes on this journey
there are moments we can feel like we got lost.

The path that once seemed so clear
all but disappears.

My stomach turns and I get a sinking feeling,
like the one of a young child
who has inadvertently strayed from her parents
in the wilderness
and for a moment feels alone
and overwhelmed
and uncertain of how to proceed
or find her way back.

At times, the path appears overgrown
or abandoned,
and leaves us questioning
if we took a wrong turn somewhere.

And we have to cry out to God
for direction, for help.

And just like path-markers,
He will send us something.

A Word.
A sign.
Often- a person. One of His people-
that will encourage us on,
and affirm that we are 𝓃ℴ𝓉 lost.

We are 𝓃ℴ𝓉 off-track.

This 𝒾𝓈 the path He sent us on.

Even if the road conditions are not the best at the moment.

——

Jesus never said the journey was going to be always easy.

He never said the going wouldn’t get hard.

In fact, He warned us that the opposite was true, so that when it happened we wouldn’t feel lost or abandoned. We’d 𝓀𝓃ℴ𝓌 it was just part of this earthly life. (The pain part. And thankfully not the ℴ𝓃𝓁𝓎 part. We get the joy of pleasure on this journey too.)

‭‭John‬ ‭16‬:‭31‬-‭33‬ ‭MSG‬‬

“Jesus answered them:

‘Do you finally believe?
In fact, you’re about to make a run for it—
saving your own skins and abandoning me.

But I’m not abandoned.

The Father is with me.

I’ve told you all this so that trusting me,
you will be unshakable and assured,
deeply at peace.

In this godless world
you will continue to experience difficulties.

But take heart!

I’ve conquered the world.’”

——

If you’re feeling lost today,
close your eyes.
Listen for your Father’s voice.
Cry out for Him
and ask Him to show Himself to you.

Then watch.
He will.

Open the Word and wait for Him to highlight something and make it stand to you.

Open your eyes and watch for how He may want to use objects speak to you.
There are so many ways.
(I will share more about that soon.)

Be present in your interactions and attentive to how God may want to use someone to speak to you.

Be open to conversation.
And even though you may have your own stuff going on, engage in counsel to others who may come to you for help
because often in encouraging others you will find your own spirit lifted and encouraged too. 🦋

Be assured,
that even if life IS hard,
even if losses ARE real,
even if emotions DO overwhelm us-
nothing
nothing
nothing
can separate us from the love and presence of our Heavenly Father, God,
and our Heavenly Husband, Jesus.

———

We can call on Him, 𝒶𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈.
He IS the Way.
And though the path may still feel uncertain
or overgrown
or treacherous,
He will always lift us up. 🩵

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭121‬:‭1‬-‭2‬ ‭MSG‬‬

“I look up to the mountains;
does my strength come from mountains?
No, my strength comes from God,
who made heaven, 👼
and earth, 🌎
and mountains.” 🏔️

When I was thinking on Independence Day today, an excerpt came to mind, from a passage in Isaiah (chapter 30, 15-17 MSG):

This is the Word of the Lord:

“Your salvation requires you to turn back to me and stop your silly efforts to save yourselves.

Your strength will come from settling down in complete dependence on me— The very thing you’ve been unwilling to do…”

Y’all— you can bet I have this one highlighted and underlined in my Bible. This is NOT normal for me. I had long prided myself in being independent and self-reliant. If there was something I didn’t know, I’d have assured you that it was okay because I’d figure it out.

Until I came up against some things in life which quite frankly, 𝒸ℴ𝓊𝓁𝒹𝓃’𝓉 be figured out.

Maybe some of you have been there.

Maybe you’re there now…

Maybe you feel like you HAVE to be independent.

Maybe you’ve bought the lie that if you don’t take care of yourself, then nobody will.

Today I just want to share with you that you can let go of that pressure, friend.

Independence is ℋℰ𝒜𝒱𝒴.

Carrying all the weight of our own world (and our loved ones’) is too ℋ𝒜ℛ𝒟.

Maybe it FEELS to much to bear,
because it IS more than we were made to carry.

Jesus says we can cast our cares upon Him because He cares for us. (1 Peter 5:7)

Today, on this Independence Day, I’m not suggesting that this holiday isn’t important. Surely, I value the freedom that many sacrificed for!

I’m simply using this day as a reminder that while independence is good… learning to be 𝒾𝓃 (𝓉ℴ𝓉𝒶𝓁) 𝒹ℯ𝓅ℯ𝒹ℯ𝓃𝒸ℯ ℴ𝓃 𝒢ℴ𝒹 is EVEN MORE freeing!

Whatever hard things you’re dealing with today…
Whatever the weights may be
that you’ve been trying to carry on your own…
independently…

I urge you to carry those to Him!
Tell Him you want to learn how to live
in dependence on Him.

Sometimes when life throws us more than we can handle, it’s a blessing in disguise-
because that’s where we come to the place of asking for His help. ❤️

———

Happy 4th of July, friends!

Can I tell you a secret?

Sometimes I doubt myself.

Sometimes I doubt what God can do with a girl who falls short a lot, like me.

Sometimes my feelings get messy.

Sometimes I feel misunderstood.

Sometimes I have to go to God a thousand times a day, get out my sketch book, ask Him to remind me who I am 𝓉ℴ ℋ𝒾𝓂, and write it down- just so I can act like that girl instead of the one my emotions want me to be in any given moment.

Is it time-consuming?
Yes, it can be.

But is it better than allowing those lies of the enemy to freeze me, keep me away from my calling, or consume me?
Absolutely!

You see-
Every time you allow lies about your identity to run loose in your mind, you begin to believe them and then act upon them.

But when you take those captive to Jesus—
He reminds you of who you are…
The REAL you.
Not your behavior.
Not your past.
Not your messes.
But the God-made you, with the God-given talents and purposes and the best parts of your personality that He placed there. 🦋

It’s amazing what happens when we spend lots of time with the One who sees the ℬℰ𝒮𝒯 in us!
All of a sudden, we can feel the very best we have in a long while!

I’m sharing this personal thing, because I’m praying for this for someone today. I don’t know who it is that needed to hear this, but 𝒥ℯ𝓈𝓊𝓈 𝓈ℯℯ𝓈 𝓉𝒽ℯ ℬℰ𝒮𝒯 𝒾𝓃 𝒴𝒪𝒰! He calls you beautiful! And purposeful! And worthy!

Believe it! ☀️

I’ve been thinking a lot on “faith like a child” in this season.

We are learning to walk this way,
to be totally dependent on God instead of independent, (like the “independent director” title I used to be so proud of.)

To ask Him to provide for us-
to be our security
instead of settling for self-security that isn’t always as secure as it makes itself out to be.

We are asking Him to open the right doors-
the ones He has for us-
in the right timing,
instead of forcing doors open for ourselves,
or running back to old doors that may be open but weren’t the ones He had for us.

We are learning to wait on Him to do this,
and I’ll be honest-
waiting is one of the very hardest things for me.

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve resisted waiting for things, opting instead to wear the banner of “motivated self-started who 𝓂𝒶𝓀ℯ𝓈 things happen.”

So this childlike faith?
It doesn’t always 𝒻ℯℯ𝓁 like faith.

Sometimes it feels like me having a meltdown in the backseat, saying “Are we there yet, (Heavenly) Dad??? How much longer?”

When I saw this sticker on a van the other day,
it resonated so much with my soul.

I felt Him speak to me that 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈
is where I’ve placed myself,
where He has asked me to place myself…
in the 𝒷𝒶𝒸𝓀𝓈ℯ𝒶𝓉, not the driver’s seat.

Needless to say, for a former #momboss this feels ultra unnatural.

But His ways are higher than ours.
His wisdom is more eternal in scope.
And we are believing His plans are for our ℊℴℴ𝒹! Probably better than any plans we ever had for ourselves.

Good things don’t always come easily though.

Grace is somehow simultaneously the easiest thing- and yet I’d say also one of the most challenging things- to embrace, living in a culture that operates in and even worships “the grind.”

I don’t know which has been more challenging— learning to receive freely without feeling like there are strings attached; or learning to give freely and trusting that He will provide for us as our focus is not on providing for ourselves.

𝒜𝓁𝓁 of it is growing me!

I also get exhausted when it feels like I have an imaginary audience in my mind, judging me…deciding constantly if I’m being productive enough to be worthy of His grace… (as if that is possible 😉 It wouldn’t be grace if we were worthy of it.)

But this focus on productivity is a trap.
It can provide a false sense of security.
I know this because I used to live there-
in workaholism, in works.
Whenever I’d feel insecure I’d up the productivity and feel secure – for a second,
until the next thing came up to make me feel insecure again.

I believe that’s why He has led us to this season to begin with— He’s not just getting us out of Egypt and the mammon mindset— He’s getting the Egypt out of us.

He’s setting us free from the weight of depending on ourselves in ways that we were never meant to.

Not that we shouldn’t work- we can, and we do. But that we shouldn’t find our ultimate security 𝒾𝓃 our work, or our ability to work. Because if we ever found ourselves out of work entirely, or unable to work, where would our spirits be then?

(The time to prepare for a storm, to build your storm shelter, is 𝒷ℯ𝒻ℴ𝓇ℯ. And to be honest, it feels like our country is headed in the direction of forcing God to send a storm. And if or when that happens, I want to have put my Shelter in place. Not in a stockpile of stuff, but in experience having sheltered in and depended on Him.)

He’s teaching me also in this season that 𝓅𝓇𝒶𝓎ℯ𝓇 𝒾𝓈 𝓃ℴ𝓉 𝓅𝒶𝓈𝓈𝒾𝓋𝒾𝓉𝓎, 𝒾𝓉’𝓈 𝒶 𝒽𝒾ℊ𝒽ℯ𝓇 𝓁ℯ𝓋ℯ𝓁 ℴ𝒻 𝓅𝓇ℴ𝒹𝓊𝒸𝓉𝒾𝓋𝒾𝓉𝓎!

Productivity is spending as much of my time as I can, doing what I can do.

Prayer (& intercession) is spending as much of my time as I can, investing in my relationship with Jesus, and asking Him to do what I 𝒸𝒶𝓃’𝓉 do.

It’s like having my cake and eating it too.

He IS my passion!
He IS my joy!
He IS my peace!

And when I resist the world’s pressure (and often my own inner pressure) to “adult”— and I give in to my desire just to spend time with Him… to abandon the driver’s seat that sometimes 𝒻ℯℯ𝓁𝓈 more safe, more in control,
and lay all my needs at His feet instead—
I often find that He goes to work on my behalf,
moving mountains as if they were nothing-
that I could have spent a whole lifetime trying to move, missing out on these 𝓂ℴ𝓋𝒾𝓃ℊ & intimate moments with Him!

I’m learning to work differently.

I’m learning momentum vs. motivation.

I’m moving past my own reserves
and past self-security,
to something far more reliable than the social security they predict won’t be here by the time I’m old anyway—
I’m learning to be secured by the One who holds the whole world in His hands. 🌎 🙏🏻 ✝️

I’m learning to look past what others may think of me because of this, what the flesh part of my brain even thinks of myself— wondering if I’m being foolish. And I’m walking by faith, past these feelings, because we were told to walk by faith and not sight— which means that the two will most definitely contradict! But trusting as we do walk by faith, it will eventually become sight— “Blessed is she who believed 𝓉𝒽ℯ ℒ𝒪ℛ𝒟 would fulfill His promises to her.” 💜

I’m done working for my own daydreams.
His plans are so much better!
I’m taking the backseat position of worshipping Him and waiting on Him,
(and hopefully learning to become more patient about it)
as HE delivers us to the plans He has for our lives!

As irresponsible as it may seem,
this, for us, is the season of learning to be childlike (in our faith) again.

It’s come at the high price-
of surrendering our pride,
and handing over the control to open doors for ourselves.

When this “child security lock” is engaged, we truly are finding that doors ONLY open from the outside!

(By HIS hands we are fed!)

And that’s ok.

Even though this transition process can be uncomfortable at times, it’s also super freeing— learning that our well-being and our kids’ well-being is NOT all in our hands. ❤️❤️❤️

And I’m SO excited about the work He has shown us that He has for us— to help others build “storm shelters” like this!