Author Archives: From-Full

This past week my husband had been sick, and I had been pouty.

Not on purpose, of course.

It’s just- when we are sick we aren’t ourselves.

And even when someone else is going above and beyond to care for us, sometimes we can’t see past our own needs to remember that their need for care didn’t come to a complete halt when ours increased.

Lately in our marriage we have been in a better place of give and take.

Me, aiming to give him quality time which is his love language, and him- aiming to make part of that time together available for me to just talk my heart out, and be affirmed by him, because words of affirmation are my biggest love language.

{It’s why I write. It helps me process and digest God’s love. And sharing it here, for me, feels like passing that love on in the way I best know how.}

But when one of us is sick, or something comes up, or we get too busy, our normal routines, our “fruits” of love that we aim to share with one another can go out the window.

And when fruit flies out the window, what normally happens? Somewhere, there’s a splatter.

That’s kind of how my heart felt by Thursday, when we were supposed to go on a date.

Truthfully, I wasn’t really feeling it either in the moment, but thought we should probably go anyway, to invest in our relationship. Especially since by that point I thought he was feeling much better. {Clarification, in this paranoid time, it wasn’t COVID. 😉 It’s a gut issue he deals with from time to time.}

But when I asked him if we should get ready to go, and he bluntly said no, that was the “splatter” point for me. I came undone. {Looking back I can see that he wouldn’t understand how hurtful it felt, because his love language isn’t words. To him, he was only answering my question. But to me, it felt like a knife in the heart. Like “Really?! I’ve been offering my time (his love language) to you all week, checking on you, asking often how you’re feeling, praying for you (my love language, words). And you aren’t even appreciating it? This is the thanks I get?”

{Part of sharing whatever God asks me to, and being an open book isn’t pretty. This is one of those post-parts that I truly hate to share. But what happens next is what makes it worth it.}

So- I go outside, looking to self-soothe on a walk. Knowing that even though my hubby is usually a good comforter, when the source of my upset is anything other than him…but that when the tension is between us {and even in those other instances}, my HEAVENLY Hubby – Jesus – is always there, wanting to help.

He’s our eternal partner, comforter, you know?

And we don’t have to wait until eternity to experience his personal presence.

He wants us to learn to walk in that now.

So- we literally went on a walk, Jesus and I.

Him not physically beside me, but spiritually present through the HS so that I could palpably feel Him.

Like a friend venting to a friend, a spouse venting to a spouse, I started to vent to him.

Jesus, I have been doing my best, and I did snap, I know, I need to ask for his forgiveness, but I need my hubby to love on me too.

Even before this week, it’s been a bit “off.”

We haven’t had regular dates like we agreed we should.

His kisses have been short.

Our conversations have been shallow.

And – you know what- this is so random, but I REALLY miss hearing him play his guitar.

It brings me such peace and joy and rootedness in you, when he gives me that gift of live music in our home (that I don’t have, I am not melodic myself).

It soothes my soul.

Especially when it’s a faith song, because I can sense that He is getting rooted in you too and that makes me feel even more secure.

Holy Spirit translated Jesus’s message back to me- in my soul:

It’s ok. I know. I became/am human too you know?

{Along with still being fully God of course.}

I did that so I could understand…REALLY UNDERSTAND.

And I feel this way too anytime someone (including you), lets life and busyness and all the things come between us, so that the love is muffled.

That’s the deeper issue, you know?

Your hubby’s love is a good bonus, but you’ve been a bit busier yourself lately.

You’re missing your time with ME, even more than with him.

And this isn’t in a guilting-way I’m saying this. It’s nothing but grace. You’ve been taking care of our Home, I know. Our family. My people. It’s all good work, and you’re doing it for me. But- let’s get away for “dates” more often, shall we? I think you really need that.

Step 1- Let Jesus soothe me and fill me, so that I can go back home and serve. ✔️

He has shown me to do this over the past several years of our walk together.

He lets me vent.

Then he reminds me, to get into gratitude and Thanksgiving for HIM.

It helps me enter into his presence and meets the need by helping me tune into Him.

That’s where I find his words. {My love language needs are met.}

He brings up verses from the Bible- like pieces of love letters and guidance written personally to me {and you} long before we were ever born, knowing that we would need them.

Because he is amazing like that!

Then we move into intercession. He reminds me to re-center the issue. To think the best of the person I’m venting to him about. To ask him to help me see if from their viewpoint, and from His, so I’m not stuck in my own language and limited perspective.

Jesus is such a good, Truth-filled friend.

He IS Truth, friends.

“Your hubby loves you, Daylene.

Not just this one—me—but Brett too.

I know sometimes he’s not the best at words,

but sometimes you’re not the best at time either.

There’s a reason opposites attract, and it’s not just so you can “complete each other.”

You’re only complete in me.

The real reason is so you’ll sharpen each other.

Iron sharpens iron.

Sometimes it hurts when the blades of our differences scrape against each other.

But bring it to me. I’m doing a work.

I don’t intend for you to totally mesh together so that you’ll never feel offended- (don’t you see even couples married for 50 years still have opportunities to get offended?)

Your commitment to one another and your love for one another, compelling you to always stay,

along with the enemy and your feelings occasionally tempting you to run (moreso, for you, as in hiding your heart. I know you don’t have any desire to actually leave.)

I know you love him.

You just sometimes need to vent in order to process, (you’re a woman),

and he sometimes just needs to pause to process (he’s a man).

And that’s why I’m the go between.

I can pause with him and I can process with you!”

W-O-W.

Jesus is the best therapist ever!

And he gives his counsel away freely!

So anyway… this story is becoming long but hang in there because it’s all important and you HAVE to hear what he did next!

So… by this time I have walked back home. Feeling much better, having had processing time with my Heavenly hubby, and feeling filled by and ok in him.

{But still of course, I will forever desire lots of long kisses from my husband, time to chat together, and his guitar music strumming the chords of my soul…. 💕 Those are the brand of things in life we could never get too much of! The good stuff. Even when Jesus is the best, good stuff is still good. And it comes from God. It’s a gift from God.}

So- my daughter meets me outside, (she’s a girl, she gets me), asking if I need to talk. We don’t go into details but I do share with her as I often do, that marriages are wonderful, but they’re not 24/7 fairytales and sometimes it just takes a moment with Jesus to get past the male/female difference. {I’m preparing her for reality. BOTH the wonders that I want her to savor and the dangers that she’ll need to know how to navigate around, with Holy Spirit guiding her.}

I don’t think much of that at the time. It’s normal.

Then I go inside, and my 2 year old greets me with “Mommy!!!! I need kisses!!” – at which I happily cover his precious face in pecks, and he returns the love with slobbery smooches all over mine. 😍

Again, I don’t think much of it at the time.

Totally normal.

Later that evening, after the dinner, after the cleaning, after my hubby went up to bed before me and didn’t give me a kiss goodnight (though I knew he loved me and that he would when I came up if I asked, so I wasn’t even thinking about it or mad)— I sat in the chair in our living room, and prayed.

I prayed for Jesus to fill me with his joy so I could go upstairs and give Brett’s love language of time instead of just doing my own thing and drowning my feelings in work, (which would also be punishing him as a side-effect by withholding that togetherness.)

I prayed for Brett again that he would feel better.

Intensely I prayed that. I hate seeing my loved ones suffer.

I prayed that God would fill his heart to overflowing too and that the kisses and talking and guitar playing would just return organically out of the overflow of his heart, not because I was coercing him.

And then I sat there, in the quiet

which was “interrupted” by a tune coming from downstairs.

One of our old special songs being strummed on the acoustic guitar!

My heart leapt!

The music stopped.

Footsteps plodded up the stairs.

I had a huge smile on my face, expecting to see my hubby hang the guitar back in its place. Being amazed at how quickly my prayer had been answered!

And…nope! It was my 14 year old son.

The tears that were absent this whole time POURED out of my eyes.

Y’all, B hasn’t hardly ever played guitar on his own accord. I had no idea he even remembered that song my hubby taught him!

But here he played- downstairs in his room.

Not even knowing it was for me-

But it was for me!

The Holy Spirit had prompted him!

He told me so Himself.

And then HS added-

That talk from your daughter?

Those kisses from your little?

That was me too!

I gave you all 3 things you prayed for –

AND, I did give them to you through your hubby

just not like you expected!

{Don’t you see—your children were all 3 a gift from both me and Brett? You wouldn’t have them without him.}

SOOOOO cool, y’all!!

I just bawled. And asked B to play more. He asked me why I was crying and I told him they were happy tears and explained it to him, again not TOO personally, but so that he’d understand the men/women difference for his future marriage too. And how wonderful and essential it is to have God at the center. ❤️

And then I went to bed- and snuggled my hubby. Having fully forgiven, and asking for his forgiveness for my part, and 💯 filled by Jesus.

Not even telling Brett what had happened.

It was too good for words at the time.

But the next day?

He felt good enough and asked if he could take me on a date. I got kisses and my door opened. I got to share my heart on some other things God had talked to me about.

And the day after that?

Sitting out by the campfire in the evening, my son again grabs the guitar and plays for me because he now knows how much I treasure that.

Heart totally full, and what happens?

My hubby-all on his own- takes the guitar for a moment and plays a worship tune!

And a smile rose from within me, inextinguishable!

I couldn’t keep that grin in!

And he asked me why I was so happy.

Why was I smiling at him like that?

So I got to share. ❤️❤️❤️

Jesus filled me, and he threw in a tune too!

He’s the God that doesn’t stop at 💯, he OVERFLOWS until our joy spills over, and can’t NOT be shared!

So this post – it’s that- overflow,

because I want everyone to experience this too! He will do the same for you, if you let him! He’s the God that guides and fills and cares!

When you see it once, you begin to look for and find Him everywhere!

You look up each time, and say “Thank you, God, I know that was you!”

There, beyond it all,

It’s ALWAYS been you.

All good gifts come from you!

〰️〰️〰️

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows,”

1 Chronicles 16:11-12

“C!!! Nooooooooo!” I heard our middle child scream from downstairs. Followed by wails from our little guy.

“That was mom’s bluebird! She loves that! She’s going to be so so sad!!”

Running downstairs to see what the commotion was, I find my beautiful, smooth-glass bluebird with its tail broken into dozens of pieces.

C had apparently decided it needed to fly {that’s only speculation, of course, which I hadn’t considered until just now as I went to write this, because he’s a toddler and he can’t express to me what his intentions were.}

But I imagine he had climbed and picked it up off the bookshelf I had it adorning, and chucked it across the living room to the tile by our back glass door, in an attempt to set it free with the other bluebirds. 🥴

He’s been watching blue jays out the window all week. Guess he didn’t know this wasn’t the flying sort. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I was so not happy. His middle name even came out. “That’s not a toy!!! That’s momma’s treasure!! Why did you break that? That makes momma so sad!!” I hollered, adding to the chaos with my own.

I’m not really a tchotchkes kind of girl. I don’t like too many trinkets setting on my shelves. The few I do have are meaningful. And bluebirds for me remind me of my grandpa who went to heaven several years ago. But this one wasn’t even from him. I don’t even know if I can consider it a gift at all. One year when the older two were too little to browse Amazon themselves, they asked me if they could get me a bluebird for Christmas and this was the result. Normally I would have dismissed the request because I like it better when someone else picks out gifts for me, but this one I loved the minute I saw it. Its glass was so smooth, and when the light streamed through it, it seemed to glow! It really was beautiful.

I sighed as I looked at all the broken tail pieces that A had scooped up in her hands. “I can put them back together, mom. I’ll find some super glue.”

“No. I appreciate it, but this one is beyond super glue. We will just have to toss it in the trash.”

Looking back at C, frustrated, I repeated my earlier statement. “Little mister, momma is not happy. Why did you break my treasure??”

By then he felt bad, I think. Or maybe he just wasn’t digging time out.

“I sorry. I sorry I break bluebird momma. I sorry I break your treasure,” as he reached and attached his arms behind my neck, in an attempt for me to pick him up off the chair.

I couldn’t resist. I scooped that boy up and hugged him.

The minute I heard the word “treasure” come out of his lips, the Holy Spirit convicted me for having used that word.

“Treasure” is our word. It’s the one C tells me that I am, when he feels extra lovey. He will look right into my eyes and say “You are treasure, momma.” He does that because I tell him that often. “You are a treasure, sweet boy.” {He is the treasure at the end of our 5-miscarriage rainbow. ❤️}

“Oh buddy”, I said, “I’m sorry too. I forgive you. Stuff isn’t my treasure, you are. And bubby and sissy and daddy….”

Guess I needed this lesson as much as C needed a lesson not to get things off the shelf.

After my “time out”, God gave me a teaching talk too:

“Don’t hoard treasure down here …

Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it’s safe…

It’s obvious, isn’t it?

The place where your treasure is,
is the place you will most want to be,
and end up being.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:19-21‬ ‭MSG‬‬

A reminder even more beautiful than my bluebird figuringe in its prime, now tailless and placed on a more out-of-reach shelf, by my daughter, who was unable to let it stay in the trashcan.

And even though I had decided by then that the memory attached to it was all I needed to keep, that stuff didn’t matter so much after all…

I think I’ll leave it sitting there, to serve as that very reminder.

And also to remind me,
even when our “tail” breaks,
even when we feel shattered,
even when we make mistakes or are hurt by others in a way that would leave us easily discarded by the world,
God isn’t like that.
He can’t bear to see us call ourselves trash.

He scoops us back out of that pile,
and maybe he fixes our “tail”
or maybe he doesn’t.
Maybe the lesson is more important than the arm or the leg or the broken place in our memory bank.

The lesson being this:

Whether or not we think we are beautiful, or whole, or glowing, or shelf-worthy,
God… he looks at us and he forever calls us
“TREASURE.”

And God’s treasure can never truly be broken.

Isn’t it amazing?

That God designed puddles?

So that when we’d be inevitably looking down after a storm- we’d still see the UP, reflected in the puddles, reminding us to turn our face to the sky again? ⛅️

The clouds are going to clear!

And even before there’s sun in the sky, it can rise in our souls!

WOW. He is good.

I was asking God this morning:

“Why do I struggle,
deciding what to write books about?
What all to put in them?

Lord you’ve surely given me books worth,
that I’ve already shared on my blog over the last several years.

But when it comes to putting it all into a collection-

everything you’ve done for me in my life,

all the lessons I’ve learned the hard way
that I’d love to spare someone the trouble of,

all the places that felt like brick walls of dead-ends,
that your whispers of faith took me through…

Well it feels like I could never put that all
adequately into words,
let alone organize those words into a book.

But here we are,
words are the love language you’ve given me,
and as your love flows in,
it has to go somewhere or I’ll burst!
Words are the way I know best how to flow it out.

And all I want to do is to share with them…
that if you could take a mess like me,
and help me, d.a.i.l.y,
if you could take the little I have
and bless a.n.y.o.n.e. with it,
you could surely do that for them too!

All I want to do is share with anyone who will listen,
and anyone who is searching,
sifting through all the messages out there,
all the how-to’s,
trying to successfully get to “the life”
so that they can feel like they are worthy to be a part of the sharing of something special …

That you, Jesus, ARE the Way.
Yours is the only real Truth.
You are THE LIFE.

The only how-to we need to know
is how to come to you.
Simply, by asking.
Receiving your salvation and guidance as a gift.

You are wayyyyyy too big to put in a book, Jesus.

How am I even supposed to begin
writing a story like that?! “

〰️〰️〰️〰️

And He said to me…
{through His Word}
{with His Spirit inside me chiming in,
like a commentator}

➡️You are the book. 📖
Each of you, are ALL books! 📚

➡️I am writing my message on YOU!

➡️Just be.

➡️Be an open book. 📖

➡️And don’t filter what I ask you to share.

Your podcast
and blog
and book
then will more closely resemble a journal.

A documentary,
rich with description
of the battle between choosing faith,
while still feeling ALL the feels
{because flesh and feelings don’t disappear,
when faith appeals
and you decide to walk forward in it!}

It’s not supposed to be a guide book,
that’s what the Bible is for,
that’s what my Spirit is for…
{these have to be read and received by each person for their own selves.}

I’m not asking you to lead,
I’m asking you to help feed {my sheep} —
with encouragement for the time you are in,
passing on the very encouragement
that I have given to you.

〰️〰️〰️

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭3:2-6‬ ‭MSG

…You yourselves are all the endorsement we need. Your very lives are a letter that anyone can read by just looking at you.

Christ himself wrote it—
not with ink,
but with God’s living Spirit;
not chiseled into stone,
but carved into human lives—
and we publish it.

We couldn’t be more sure of ourselves in this—
that you, written by Christ himself for God,
are our letter of recommendation.

We wouldn’t think of writing this kind of letter about ourselves.

Only God can write such a letter.

His letter authorizes us to help carry out this new plan of action.

The plan wasn’t written out with ink on paper, with pages and pages of legal footnotes, killing your spirit.

It’s written with Spirit on spirit,
his life on our lives!”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭3:2-6‬ ‭MSG‬‬

〰️〰️〰️

You see, we don’t have to write our own stories.

He is writing something way more fabulous than we could ever imagine, and we are free just to be a part of that.

We don’t have to have the responsibility of editor,
because he will take all the things,
and weave them together in our next chapters, and work all things out, eternally, for our good if we choose to love and walk according to his purposes.

We weren’t supposed to fit Him into a book.
All the books in the world couldn’t do justice
at describing him!

We are meant to be part of HIS story,
Which is also too rich for paper!

It’s why he writes, instead, on human hearts,
our very lives being his canvases!

And anything he asks us to put in print?
Or podcast form?
Well it’s just a publication.
Just a record of his goodness.
A testimony, among a trillion others,
like stars in the sky!
But each one- important-
each one shining and pointing back
at the Maker of those stories!

Amazing, isn’t He?!

What does Jesus have to say about the “You Do You” message? 🤔 ⤵️ THIS.

The world will always tempt us
to put those walls up,
to withdraw and “do our own thing”
and give up on authentic, genuine connection
and conversation that grows both people.

It doesn’t feel peaceful
when others are different than us,
and all the voices are speaking over each other…

And when it doesn’t feel peaceful, we tend to want to withdrawal altogether.

But as Christians, we have been given work to do.
We have been given conversations to have,
which involve listening AND speaking.
He tells us how important that is!
Conversations and heart-to-heart connection
is how he always intended
for the great commission to be fulfilled!

If that weren’t true,
He wouldn’t have said it.

If our connections didn’t matter,
he would just take us to heaven as soon as we are each saved.

But he doesn’t.

He wants us to network-minister!
To meet needs—
for connection, community,
conversation about the hard things,
all centered around HIM,
and His message
that fullness for all our places of “empty”
has already been pre-paid by Jesus,
and is available to everyone, without cost!

When we are filled with the Spirit,
He constantly pulls us back together with others,
every time our flesh wants to run.

He whispers, encouragingly,
“Hey now, none of this going off
and doing your own thing.”

Not for good at least.
For a moment, it’s ok.
Just for a pause.

Jesus sometimes went off into the wilderness
to be alone with God,
or onto the mountain with his close pals,
because he needed a moment to regather.

But he didn’t run away from the people
who were pulling on him.

He didn’t even run away from the people
who were persecuting him.

He didn’t say “Forget it, it’s pointless. We will never see eye to eye, so let’s be ok just to do our own things.”

He kept speaking truth.

He kept serving, in love.

And we are called to be like him,
not Iike the world.

Business quotes are pretty believable.
I gotta admit: I bit.

Our flesh doesn’t know what to do with grace.
It doesn’t make any sense.

We feel more comfortable with the grind.

We feel more comfortable and in control,
and less guilty about the blessings we have
when we can say we “earned them.”

But what happens when the “rent” {the measure of success} goes up, like it always does?

What happens when we hit the point we have no more left to give?

I’ll tell ya what happens.
Because it happened to me.
And I’ve seen it happen to others
over and over again.

Stars- burn out.
They crash.
The “light” leaves. The sparkle fades.

We hit rock bottom,
feeling like the plain ol’ rocks
we were always trying not to be.

But that’s where he picks us up,
and calls us TREASURE.
He puts HIS unfading light in us.
And for the first time-
because we LEAST feel like it then-
we taste what His grace really is!

Grace is a receiving a title you didn’t have to earn.
{Because He gives those, freely.}

Grace is a place at His table,
{which is better than the best in this world!}
that you didn’t have to pay for with cash or hustle,
Because Jesus earned it for you with His own blood, sweat, and tears on the cross.

Grace is knowing that you’ll never be loved or valued or sought after by Him any more, or any less, based on your own performance. Because He called you worthy of dying for before any “journey” of yours ever even began.

The world’s success tastes sweet for a moment.
But it leaves you thirstier,
and the after taste is bitter.

Thankfully, Jesus is the best palate cleanser!

Free Unconditional Love {Grace}
tops
Earned Conditional Love {“Fake Grace”}
EVERY • SINGLE • TIME!

His Grace WINS!

Today I was busy chatting, at church,
Planning,
Preparing
for some ways I wanted to pour into others.

And this little girl at church, who barely knows me, walks right up to me and gives me this little flower, in a tiny cup of water.

And it stopped me in my tracks.

She didn’t make a show out of it.
She didn’t interrupt my conversation.
In fact, she didn’t say anything at all.
She simply handed it to me, for whatever reason, and skipped away.

And it stopped me in my tracks.
“Carmen, did you mean give this to ME?” I asked.

“Yep!”

“Really? That was so sweet of you! Thanks!”

“You’re welcome!”

And then she went on about her business as if the whole thing really was no big deal. To a child I’m sure it was just natural.

See a fallen flower, pick it up.
Save it.
Put it in a cup of water and give it a drink.

See someone who needs a smile?
Pass the flower along.
(Little did she know God was using her to give my soul a drink too. 😉)

It’s really no wonder that Jesus says in the Bible in Matthew 18:13- “Truly I tell you,” He said, “unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

THIS is exactly what he’s trying to help me learn in this season of life, y’all!

Planning is ok.
Just don’t miss the moments right in front of you.

Preparing to bless, that’s wonderful!
Just don’t be mistaken- sometimes it doesn’t take doing something that you feel is BIG, to bless.
Look for opportunities right before you.

See a blessing? Pick it up. Pass it on. With a smile.

Sometimes nothing even need be said.
(& Sometimes maybe it does need to be, and you can trust he will give you the words when those are needed too.)

We adults complicate things so much.

Lord, thank you for this child’s gift today!
And thank you for your beautiful reminder!

Please continue to sanctify me,

Please continue to help me (even while you’re growing and maturing me in your wisdom and grace)… to “become little again.”

Please help me flow in this childlike love.
That simply sees differently,
Gives differently,
Is barely conscious of self at all while doing it.

This love that reaches out and touches people,

a love that knows no boundaries

and is not held back by learned social “etiquette”,

but just FLOWS

because they’re more fresh-from-the-Father,

in a world who needs to be reminded
just who we are in Him!

It’s funny, today our pastor preached about humility. And he did a really great job!

And part of humility, for me, in this season, has been learning to accept the duty of taking a turn teaching in the kids’ room, even when I don’t feel like that’s “my gift” or my particular area of ministry calling.

But in this moment?

God showed me PERFECTLY…

he used a child to teach ME,

what true humility is.