I have noticed two themes resonating in my soul this season, simultaneously.
They used to compete with each other.
I’d embrace one for a season, and then wearied of it, or feeling like I had gone too far in the other direction— I’d steer the other way again, like a go-kart on a track, driven by a kid. Left, right, left, right, but God never let me go entirely off course and crash, thankfully!
Routine.
Romance.
(Not the traditional sense of the word romance- as in a romance novel, or a romantic relationship. At least- not entirely. More like another definition of it: “a quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life.”)
Both life-giving.
Both wonderful ways of living.
It’s just – I always saw them as competing with one another. I never really saw that God wanted to create a life-pattern for me that danced beautifully between the two- daily.
So back and forth I’d go- feeling like I was constantly in search of the right direction.
I started off routine, routine, routine-
as a teen.
Go to school.
Stay for the sports.
Then head to the after-school job.
Do the homework.
Crash in bed.
Repeat the process all over.
My heart yearned for romance and I didn’t even know it, until I found it in the boyfriend who is now my husband. How romantic to enjoy each other’s company and dream together of our future!
And yet, in the actual walking towards the future- romance gives way to routine again, doesn’t it? The house we dreamed of owning, needing cleaning and repair, and lawn work. The kids we dreamed of having, coming not only with joy but also with needs and schedules to work around. And not that it’s a bother, at all— but at some point the romance tends to fade, as we move into lives of routine.
I remember very clearly when I had reached my routine-maximum, and my soul was literally dying for need of more romance in my life— more variety, more joy, more of the good-unexpected instead of the same-‘ol-same-‘ol. I was turning 29, and my youngest then was turning 5. It felt like a midlife crisis. I had done all the right things, I thought. Pushed past difficulty to get the college degree, found a job that paid well, enrolled the kids in daycare and school – because that’s just what you do. But the days were long and the evenings together were short, and too much routine sucked all the romance out of my soul, until I hopped on the first surprise train God sent my way (direct sales) and went for an exciting ride!
Oh how I had dreamed of being at home! But I had romanticized it. We do that, don’t we? We dream of how things will be in an idealized set of conditions but we forget that we are still on Earth, and still have to deal with the constraints of time, and the temperaments of others, and of so many situations and variables that are out of our control. Another definition of romance is “a book or movie dealing with love in a sentimental or idealized way.” And to be honest- I had very sentimental and idealized expectations of what being at home would look like. And then the honeymoon was over.
I learned very quickly in being at home, that routine was not truly my enemy- but necessary! Without a routine, I had no motivation or momentum for my day, to the same extent that when I was ALL routine- I had no breathing room or delight. In our unexpected season of homeschooling, I learned the necessity of routines, though I also learned it’s darn near impossible to perfect them when you’re working with other people! We have to have flexibility too, or emotions run high and we all fall apart.
Fast forward some seasons, and God gave us the vision of Brett being at home with us too. Doing all of life, all of us together- home, family, faith, home schooling, work, ministry. It sounded so romantic, honestly, (and also the faith jump felt terrifying in a diving-out-of-an-airplane sort of way.) And it was wonderful. And also HARD. And again- like the back-and-forth-kid-on-the-gokart-track, we didn’t know that it wasn’t going to be forever, or that we weren’t going to go barreling off the edge…we just knew he said to turn to the right, and so we did. And so when He said to turn to the left again- and that it was time for Brett to go back to work, it felt like we had either heard wrong or failed. But neither was true— I know this now!
In this past year of Brett being back at work, and the kids all being back at an outside-our-home school, we have had to get back into many routines. And honestly, it’s felt like both a blessing and a hardship at times.
I deeply miss our togetherness – the times where the kids and I would sip hot cocoa and snuggle on the couch, while reading a book out loud with each other. The times we’d get to visit together with friends at co-op, or go on homeschooling field trips. The times our whole family could pick up and go camping in the middle of the week, when state parks are quieter and we’d almost have the place to ourselves. But to only remember the wonderful things of seasons past is to romanticize, and forget the very real challenges and emotions that were also present in those seasons. And to discount the beauty of this season- the seeing my husband excel in work that he enjoys doing and is good at doing; the celebrating as my kids are a part of new community and get to try new activities and learn from other teachers and classmates; the extra time that I’ve had again- to be solo with Jesus during parts of my day, and to serve in new ways in my own work.
Yes, what God has shown me so beautifully in this past year, is how I feel like my best self when my life is full of BOTH good (planned) routines and wonderfully (often unplanned) romantic moments where we can just be… in nature, or together, or with others doing something new or out-of-our/everyday-ordinary and not routine at all!
It’s not one or the other.
Not back-and-forth, steered by either discontent of routine burn-out or lack-of-routine depression/lack-of-motivation.
It’s both!
It’s a dance!
It’s the daily wake-up-and-help-the-family-get-ready. The getting everyone off to school, and getting to work myself. (Routine.)
It’s the meeting up with my hubby for lunch, and going on a walk. (Romance.)
It’s the picking up the kids and cleaning their school, and coming home to start dinner and help with homework, and prepare for any evening activities. (Routine.)
It’s also not that cut and dry.
Routines can be romantic, and romance can be made routine and unsavored, unappreciated, if we go into auto-pilot mode.
It’s eating dinner around the table, together.
Routine but also romantic, when we remember to make it that way – by savoring and by switching it up. Giggles, and games, and noticing and enjoying their expressions, and giving thanks, deeply feeling thanks for the food on the table- which the past season taught us to not feel entitled to but so very grateful for.
It’s the drive to and from work. Which can be routine. Auto-pilot can be scariest when you realize you don’t even remember half of your drive home, can’t it?! But it can also be so romantic. Adventurous. Unexpected. The bald eagle I noticed one day, that God put in my path, after I was just thinking about bald eagles! The autumn leaves like explosions of artistic color splashed against the blue and gray skies, and beautiful no matter what the day’s weather! So many treasures can be found on a good country-road drive.
And that’s exactly where I was when God opened in front of my eyes this most perfect picture representation of routine and romance.
It was like He paused me, and said “Here! Here is a picture-parable for you to understand and remember!”
I thought about this scene in my head for two weeks, in between visits to my client, having wished I’d have gotten out of the car and taken a picture. And when I went back this week- He paused me again. So I pulled over the car, put on my blinkers, and hopped out for a second to capture it with my phone.
A routine drive, turned to romance!
And the photo:
To the left, a symbol of routine and the necessity, the utility, the fruit of our routine labor. A farm. Corn, in rows. Routinely planted. Routinely harvested. Romantically grown, by the God of the harvest!
Mark 4:26-29 NIV
“He (Jesus) also said, “This is what the kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain—first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head. As soon as the grain is ripe, he puts the sickle to it, because the harvest has come.””
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And to the right- woods – wilderness – all sorts of wonderful wavy shapes, and color that can’t be contained by rigid lines! My favorite! Beautifully irregular and perfectly imperfect. Music to my soul! Entirely romantic! But also strategically placed by God, trees to provide oxygen for us and shelter for wildlife! And how awesomely needed both are!)
Luke 5:16 tells us, “… He (Jesus) frequently withdrew to the wilderness to pray.”
Solo time with Jesus in nature is my absolute favorite! 🥰
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I’m so excited that He finally unlocked this self-understanding for me, so I could work with the rhythms of life – incorporating and enjoying both routine AND romance – instead of fighting against myself or opposing either of them!
James 1:17– “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”
Variety between the two is wonderful, and HE – the unchanging – is the spice of life! 👌🏻
From Full 