I never used to wear makeup daily.
First of all, I wanted my skin to breathe. I struggled with acne a lot even into my twenties and early thirties, and makeup always seemed to make it worse.
But second, I stopped caring for myself as much as I should.
I don’t know when it happened, but somewhere along the line in my working from home I got too comfortable being effortless in my appearance for my husband, as if going out was worth the hassle but if it was only going to be him and the kids that saw me, it wasn’t worth my time. And then- I stopped putting effort into my appearance, even going out most places.
I suppose I was comfortable enough in his love for me, that I let comfort become complacency. And then- as I began to focus more on the spiritual, and the demands on me in the physical began to grow (more kids, more activities, more ministry needs)… I reasoned that I had more important tasks to put effort into than my hair and makeup. Honestly, I couldn’t even bring myself to spend 10 minutes on something like this for myself. And if I did have the time, I’d have rather spent it reading or doing some other soul-enriching activity.
(This may sound silly, if you’ve never gone through it. But if you have- or if you are- I know it’ll help to hear someone who can relate. And while I don’t claim to have any answers, or that makeup is some magical solution, or that I’m even good at it 😆— I do hope that sharing some things God has walked me through will help someone. It’s why I take the time to process anything, publicly. 😉)
So— in this season of life, my paid work is cleaning houses for clients. I love getting to provide hospitality to them in their own homes! I enjoy the satisfaction of seeing the difference of each before and after, and how everything not only looks better but smells better, and the home just literally feels better when I am done— more fresh, more welcoming, more comforting and I know they’ll get to come home and enjoy it!
One thing about cleaning houses is that I usually do it when my clients are not home. So in the beginning I rarely did my hair or wore makeup. Honestly, it just wasn’t logical to me. Why spend time on my appearance when I’m going to be scrubbing toilets and floors and getting icky, and have to come home and clean myself up again anyway? It just didn’t feel worth it. Maybe, more accurately, God has since shown me that I didn’t feel worth it. I had no problems cleaning houses, because my family felt worth it to provide for and my client felt worth it to clean for. But when it came to my own appearance, I didn’t feel worth the effort or time. Especially when it was going to be just me- alone.
But one day, God spoke to me. Unexpectedly.
Gently.
Lovingly.
Fatherly.
I’ll never forget it- I was standing at my washing machine, dumping out bags of soiled cleaning rags, to be washed and bleached and refreshed— made new again for the next day, the next client. 🧺
And He said to my heart… “Would you wash your kitchen counter, or your 6-year old’s face, with these dirty rags? Would you give them to your husband to wash his face with?” I replied back — in thought, but just as exclamatory- “Eew! Of course not!” 🤢 It made me ill just thinking about it. What a disturbing visual. 😳
And then for the revelation, both raw and hard to hear, but also true, and much needed.
It was about my thoughts, which first needed addressed, and about the importance of margin… but He has since worked with me about the value of my appearance also.
He said, “Daylene… this is how you’re coming home to your husband, and to me. You’re working hard, and as you’re out in the world and ministering to people and doing deliverance prayer and you’re getting messy. Inevitably some of the world’s stuff is getting on you. Comparison. Worry. Concerns that are not yours to carry. (You were only meant to lift them up to me.) And more. And you’re not taking any time to clean up your mind or your self before you move on to love and serve your family, or spend time together with me. And that’s why you are emotional and so easily agitated. You need to take your time in transitions, for the resetting of your mind, just like you take time between clients for the resetting of your supplies. It is not selfish, it’s part of serving well.” 🤯
And as He led me into scripture, again and again I see Jesus doing this. Going to the mountain, slipping away from the crowds, taking solo-with-His-Father-time. Filling up. Resetting. Then coming back down to serve the next ones.
The spiritual was relatively simple for me to understand and embrace. The physical has been the next step. And I feel like this is pretty common, especially for women in leadership and service in the Church. There are so many needs- who has time to attend to our own selves? And not just our souls but something as “fleshy” as our appearance— our literal flesh? Isn’t that worldly to be concerned about that anyway? Isn’t it selfish? And isn’t it superficial that our Christian men would desire it, would focus their attention on our flesh instead of on the spiritual and in service?
I don’t know that I would have said any of this- but these were underlying reasonings that were going on in my head, as I went though the motions, day in and day out, without taking time to care for myself.
But slowly and surely over the past year or so, God has been leading me to resources. Guidance. He’s been reshaping my thoughts. Healing my emotions. Helping me understand that just because He calls us to serve others doesn’t mean He wants us to neglect the care of our own selves. And, in fact, we can actually honor Him by caring for our bodies and taking time to refresh ourselves. Better yet, we can use the time we spend putting on makeup and straightening our hair, to remind ourselves to intentionally reset our thoughts and our hearts as well. What if we saw it as our “war paint” against the enemy? 🤔 ⚔️ 🎨
(A friend told me once, that she pictured herself armoring up spiritually as she puts her makeup on physically each morning. I loved that! I’m borrowing it now! 💋)
I still don’t spend much time on hair or makeup. 10 minutes usually, and I’m done. But it feels like a “splurge” when I didn’t allow myself that gesture of hospitality, or consider myself worthy of it before.
But God showed me that— just like when my home is refreshed and looks its best, I- it’s inhabitant- feel much better…
and just like it’s important that I don’t clean for other clients so much that I neglect my own home, my family’s home…
I am the Holy Spirit’s home on this Earth.
He abides in me.
He lives in me.
You are His home too, if you have received Jesus as your Savior and invited Him in.
He abides in and lives in you too!
When we take time to refresh ourselves, to look our best and more importantly- when we make margin in our lives to regularly “clean house” in our minds by taking each thought to be processed and “bleached” by God, we honor Him. We provide Him a clean home. A clean heart to abide in. We serve Him with Holy Hospitality.
Also, some of us have been called into the spiritual “cleaning business”. We have been called to faith leadership and service positions beyond our own homes, to help others through soul care, cleaning and processing their past and their hurts and thoughts and emotions with the Word and Holy Spirit. For us, it is imperative that we don’t get so caught up in doing this that we neglect our own homes— whether that be our actual households, or our own minds/souls. It is easy to come to a place, with all good intentions, of saying yes to others’ needs so much that we leave no margin for our personal lives or investing in our marriages (including the investment of caring for our physical appearance, in order to honor and bring pleasure to our spouse) or families.
But when we do so- we actually reveal a root of pride that causes us to consider ourselves more important to the mission than we are, or like it’s on us to care for everyone and forget that we are a Kingdom team— and that God has MANY servants reaching out to the lost and those needing healing and deliverance and counseling and comfort. Just another area He can help renew our minds in. 😉
We must remember we are important enough that the Kingdom will suffer (and we will miss out on joy) if we don’t do what God called us to do, but we are not so important that God’s mission won’t be fulfilled if we don’t do MORE than our capacity to do, and in fact- our missions at home might suffer if we try to. That’s a challenging concept to walk out! I trip daily. Thankfully He wipes me up and washes my tears and my messy face and mind again and again. Then He bleaches the rag, and helps me begin each new day, fresh. ☀️ Ready to war-paint up!
The makeup still has nothing to do with the makeup. It just gives me an opportunity to look in the mirror each day and see God’s grace, and put His grit in my heart again until I can see it in my eyes. And only then I am more prepared to serve anyone else well.
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