I’ve been thinking a lot on “faith like a child” in this season.
We are learning to walk this way,
to be totally dependent on God instead of independent, (like the “independent director” title I used to be so proud of.)
To ask Him to provide for us-
to be our security
instead of settling for self-security that isn’t always as secure as it makes itself out to be.
We are asking Him to open the right doors-
the ones He has for us-
in the right timing,
instead of forcing doors open for ourselves,
or running back to old doors that may be open but weren’t the ones He had for us.
We are learning to wait on Him to do this,
and I’ll be honest-
waiting is one of the very hardest things for me.
Ever since I was a kid, I’ve resisted waiting for things, opting instead to wear the banner of “motivated self-started who 𝓂𝒶𝓀ℯ𝓈 things happen.”
So this childlike faith?
It doesn’t always 𝒻ℯℯ𝓁 like faith.
Sometimes it feels like me having a meltdown in the backseat, saying “Are we there yet, (Heavenly) Dad??? How much longer?”
When I saw this sticker on a van the other day,
it resonated so much with my soul.
I felt Him speak to me that 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈
is where I’ve placed myself,
where He has asked me to place myself…
in the 𝒷𝒶𝒸𝓀𝓈ℯ𝒶𝓉, not the driver’s seat.
Needless to say, for a former #momboss this feels ultra unnatural.
But His ways are higher than ours.
His wisdom is more eternal in scope.
And we are believing His plans are for our ℊℴℴ𝒹! Probably better than any plans we ever had for ourselves.
Good things don’t always come easily though.
Grace is somehow simultaneously the easiest thing- and yet I’d say also one of the most challenging things- to embrace, living in a culture that operates in and even worships “the grind.”
I don’t know which has been more challenging— learning to receive freely without feeling like there are strings attached; or learning to give freely and trusting that He will provide for us as our focus is not on providing for ourselves.
𝒜𝓁𝓁 of it is growing me!
I also get exhausted when it feels like I have an imaginary audience in my mind, judging me…deciding constantly if I’m being productive enough to be worthy of His grace… (as if that is possible 😉 It wouldn’t be grace if we were worthy of it.)
But this focus on productivity is a trap.
It can provide a false sense of security.
I know this because I used to live there-
in workaholism, in works.
Whenever I’d feel insecure I’d up the productivity and feel secure – for a second,
until the next thing came up to make me feel insecure again.
I believe that’s why He has led us to this season to begin with— He’s not just getting us out of Egypt and the mammon mindset— He’s getting the Egypt out of us.
He’s setting us free from the weight of depending on ourselves in ways that we were never meant to.
Not that we shouldn’t work- we can, and we do. But that we shouldn’t find our ultimate security 𝒾𝓃 our work, or our ability to work. Because if we ever found ourselves out of work entirely, or unable to work, where would our spirits be then?
(The time to prepare for a storm, to build your storm shelter, is 𝒷ℯ𝒻ℴ𝓇ℯ. And to be honest, it feels like our country is headed in the direction of forcing God to send a storm. And if or when that happens, I want to have put my Shelter in place. Not in a stockpile of stuff, but in experience having sheltered in and depended on Him.)
He’s teaching me also in this season that 𝓅𝓇𝒶𝓎ℯ𝓇 𝒾𝓈 𝓃ℴ𝓉 𝓅𝒶𝓈𝓈𝒾𝓋𝒾𝓉𝓎, 𝒾𝓉’𝓈 𝒶 𝒽𝒾ℊ𝒽ℯ𝓇 𝓁ℯ𝓋ℯ𝓁 ℴ𝒻 𝓅𝓇ℴ𝒹𝓊𝒸𝓉𝒾𝓋𝒾𝓉𝓎!
Productivity is spending as much of my time as I can, doing what I can do.
Prayer (& intercession) is spending as much of my time as I can, investing in my relationship with Jesus, and asking Him to do what I 𝒸𝒶𝓃’𝓉 do.
It’s like having my cake and eating it too.
He IS my passion!
He IS my joy!
He IS my peace!
And when I resist the world’s pressure (and often my own inner pressure) to “adult”— and I give in to my desire just to spend time with Him… to abandon the driver’s seat that sometimes 𝒻ℯℯ𝓁𝓈 more safe, more in control,
and lay all my needs at His feet instead—
I often find that He goes to work on my behalf,
moving mountains as if they were nothing-
that I could have spent a whole lifetime trying to move, missing out on these 𝓂ℴ𝓋𝒾𝓃ℊ & intimate moments with Him!
I’m learning to work differently.
I’m learning momentum vs. motivation.
I’m moving past my own reserves
and past self-security,
to something far more reliable than the social security they predict won’t be here by the time I’m old anyway—
I’m learning to be secured by the One who holds the whole world in His hands. 🌎 🙏🏻 ✝️
I’m learning to look past what others may think of me because of this, what the flesh part of my brain even thinks of myself— wondering if I’m being foolish. And I’m walking by faith, past these feelings, because we were told to walk by faith and not sight— which means that the two will most definitely contradict! But trusting as we do walk by faith, it will eventually become sight— “Blessed is she who believed 𝓉𝒽ℯ ℒ𝒪ℛ𝒟 would fulfill His promises to her.” 💜
I’m done working for my own daydreams.
His plans are so much better!
I’m taking the backseat position of worshipping Him and waiting on Him,
(and hopefully learning to become more patient about it)
as HE delivers us to the plans He has for our lives!
As irresponsible as it may seem,
this, for us, is the season of learning to be childlike (in our faith) again.
It’s come at the high price-
of surrendering our pride,
and handing over the control to open doors for ourselves.
When this “child security lock” is engaged, we truly are finding that doors ONLY open from the outside!
(By HIS hands we are fed!)
And that’s ok.
Even though this transition process can be uncomfortable at times, it’s also super freeing— learning that our well-being and our kids’ well-being is NOT all in our hands. ❤️❤️❤️
And I’m SO excited about the work He has shown us that He has for us— to help others build “storm shelters” like this!
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