Well-Pleased

I am going to be really raw with you here—

I don’t know about you but I find that I have always wanted so badly for someone, anyone, to always be happy with me.

To just love me for me-
Always show me love perfectly-
when I’m doing well and when I’m not.

I’ve tried so hard to be perfect in many areas of life, in a (mostly subconscious) attempt to receive this kind of love.

And I never understood until 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓂ℴ𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃ℊ, as I have been seeking God for help to break the people-pleasing tendencies in me that confine me…

I never understood until 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓅𝓇ℯ𝒸𝒾𝓈ℯ 𝓂ℴ𝓂ℯ𝓃𝓉, as I type this, that I was going about this affirmation-search all wrong.

NOT that it’s wrong to need affirmation.

It’s a legitimate desire,
actually a legitimate need-
to be affirmed, adored,
and even loved perfectly.

But we don’t have to-
we can’t –
be perfectly lovable.

Nor can any human love us perfectly.
( And neither can we perfectly love them.)

But 𝒾𝓃 𝒥ℯ𝓈𝓊𝓈, we can receive 𝒸ℴ𝓃𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓃𝓉, 𝓅ℯ𝓇𝒻ℯ𝒸𝓉 𝓁ℴ𝓋ℯ & 𝒶𝒻𝒻𝒾𝓇𝓂𝒶𝓉𝒾ℴ𝓃! Both from Him and from the Father!

So today I want to share a little bit of what God spoke to my heart, for me, in case it helps anyone else out there struggling with this hunger for love.

(And let me assure you, we 𝒶𝓁𝓁 do- whether single or married, whether our friend group has zero members or a close few or a couple hundred! We ALL hunger for more, because we were created with a God-sized hole in our hearts that nothing and no one else can completely fill.)

—————

So here is what He said:

We are born with this inclination to please…but we need to be taught where to direct it.

We first tend to direct it towards parents (Daddy are you proud? Momma were you watching? Did you see what I did? Did I make you happy?)

Then teachers.

Then peers.

Later- our spouse (Do you see me? Do I please you? Can you tell me if I’m doing a good job loving you? If I’m not let me know so I can do better. I want to please you. It’s a JOY to know I bring you joy!)

& Even our kids (Deep down I’m afraid I’m failing you. Can you tell me you love me? Can you tell me I’m a good mom so I know that I’m not a screw-up? Can you tell me that you know you are loved, so I know the love I’m pouring on you is sinking in?)

The problem is – that “pleasing pull” was never meant to be attached to other people but to God.

People’s opinions of us are so fickle.

Sometimes they’re accurate.

Sometimes we need to listen to constructive criticism or encouragement, because God can use people to speak to us.

But ALWAYS we need to go to Him for that need.

Because sometimes people 𝒶𝓇ℯ𝓃’𝓉 accurate in their assessments of us.

They don’t have all the background of our past and our situation, they don’t know all the details of our circumstance, they don’t know our hearts- like know it better than our own self does, which is – I believe- 𝓌𝒽𝓎 we were wired like this anyway.

It’s a self-checking-apparatus,
a soul-checking method,
designed to keep us aligned…(think of it like your spine.)

But if we keep trying to line ourselves up so we can feel right – by looking to everyone and their brother- we will be pulled here there and everywhere and more of a mess than ever! (Can you imagine how painful it would be if each of your vertebrae turned a different way? 😬)

That’s why we are supposed to learn to go ONE place for our self-check. (And it’s not self.)

Only HE can align us.

Because He MADE us.

Because He knows us inside and out,
better than anyone,
better than we know ourselves.

Because He knows every intricate detail
of our circumstances,
our hearts,
our past/present/and future,
our personality traits,
our fears and our dreams,
our hurts and our hopes;
AND He knows all these things about the other people we are in relationship with too!

And that’s another thing-

Sometimes people can’t assess us accurately because they’re seeing us through a lens of their own self.

If they’re not called to something, they can’t always see how we would be either.

If they’ve failed at something they may instinctively not want to see us succeed,

and if they’ve succeeded sometimes they don’t understand how anyone else might fail. 🤷🏼‍♀️

People are people.
And that’s precisely the problem.

It’s time to let people be people in our hearts, and let God be God.

—————

When I was a teen, I had braces.
My teeth were crazy crooked, actually, so I also had spacers, retainers and even head gear.

Yes. Yes I was embarrassed and frustrated.
But looking back I’m so grateful for that investment my parents made in my smile.

And it was an investment-
it cost them a decent chunk of money.

But it also included one thing that I haven’t heard of many other people having done after braces:

A procedure which cut the invisible-to-the-naked-eye ties that are in our gums, kind of like ligaments, which would have tried to pull my teeth back into their crooked positions once my braces were off.

The way the orthodontist explained it, when those ties are cut through this procedure, they have the opportunity to reconnect to the teeth in this straightened position, and it will be as if the teeth were always straight after that! A “reset” if you will! So the ligaments will work to keep the teeth straight instead of trying to tug back to their former crooked positions.

———

This is the memory that God used to show me how my people-pleasing & perfectionism tendencies will be healed.

And this is what He said to me after He brought up that story:

It’s time cut the ties of people pleasing, and let those ties attach firmly back to Me where they’ve always belonged.

How? Let the Doctor do it. (Me, God. I am the Great Physician after all.) All you have to do is ask.

———

Remember- when we have taken Jesus as our Savior, we are 𝒶𝒹ℴ𝓅𝓉ℯ𝒹 into the family as God’s children. And we are given all the same privileges as blood-children, because we 𝓌ℯ𝓇ℯ brought in by His BLOOD. 🩸

When God looks at us who are in Jesus, He sees us through the lens of Jesus – not of our own flawed selves.

So you know that verse in Mark (1:11) that says “and a voice came from heaven: “You are My beloved Son; in You I am well pleased” ?

As we 𝓇ℯ𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓃 in Jesus by simply doing our best each day to walk in relationship with Him and in obedience to Him, ℯ𝓋ℯ𝓃 𝒾𝒻 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓌𝒽ℯ𝓃 𝓌ℯ 𝒻𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝓈𝒽ℴ𝓇𝓉, this is what God says to us…because He sees Jesus all over us:

“You are my beloved child; in you I am well pleased.” ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

———

But trying on our own, we could never be good enough to please God… we can’t even please mere people all the time. And trying to is ℯ𝓍𝒽𝒶𝓊𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓃ℊ isn’t it?

That’s the Good News, in an essence, {it’s so so many things, but this is a wonderful part of it!}

➡️ We CAN make somebody happy all the time!

➡️Which means we can experience the pleasure of having someone happy with us 𝒜ℒℒ the time! 💗

But it has nothing to do with what we do,
or even who we are…
and everything to do with 𝒲ℋ𝒪𝒮ℰ 𝓌ℯ 𝒶𝓇ℯ,
& Who is 𝒾𝓃 𝓊𝓈, doing the pleasing!

———

Jesus allows us to receive the Father’s pleasure that was directed at Him! 😯

Isn’t that mind blowing?!

Isn’t that perfectionism-busting?

Because of Jesus’s sin-cleansing offering, the Father NEVER sees us as “dirtied” or flawed if we have chosen to bathe in Him.

And there’s NO dirt His blood can’t wash! No stain His sacrifice can’t treat!

There’s nothing we can do to make God love us any more or any less.

(His infinite, unconditional love was shown by His willingness to send Jesus to that cross.)

But He doesn’t force it on us.

So the question is: will we 𝓇ℯ𝒸ℯ𝒾𝓋ℯ it?

Not just salvation. (Though that’s primarily and eternally important of course.)

➡️Will we receive His affirmation, & His adoration, that our souls are starving for?

➡️Will we ask Him to help us stop searching for or settling for those things (or numbness to the need for them) in other places?

➡️Will we ask Him to show us how to not only take Jesus as our savior, but take Him deep into our hearts where He can fill ℯ𝓋ℯ𝓇𝓎 need, every deficiency, and every place of emptiness and hunger and ache that we have?

———

Salvation is only just the start of the wonderful things God wants to do in our lives and in our hearts.

So many years into my journey, yet He 𝓃ℯ𝓋ℯ𝓇 𝒸ℯ𝒶𝓈ℯ𝓈 to amaze me and continually teach me and bless me with His love!

And that’s exactly why I can’t NOT share it.

I want everyone to be pleased ** 𝒷𝓎 𝒢ℴ𝒹 ** too!