So last night we had our first open-church night.
It was hard and it was good, all at the same time.
Hard because the seats were mostly empty, and it felt like when you plan your kid a birthday party and barely anyone shows up.
Ever had that happen or been scared of that happening?
You feel disappointed because you’re afraid they’re going to feel less loved;
you feel insufficient in yourself to fill up that empty space
and then you feel guilty because it was you who created that empty space to begin with, so you believe that their emptiness is, in fact, your fault.
Just being totally authentic, this is how I started out feeling last night.
(To give a little background, God laid it on our hearts to have an “open house” and invite people in to the worship time with God that we have come to love. A “just be”ing with Him, and praise music, and coffee and each other. Originally the vision was to do it in our own living room, but our pastors invited us to do it at our church to make room for more people who may want to come.)
So as I was sitting there, eyes closed and head bowed, so that I didn’t have to see the empty rows…and feeling lots of icky feelings that I didn’t want to feel— God met me there and helped me to sort them all out.
It started off with Him reminding me of something I used to tell my bag-party-hostesses back in the day: “Don’t be afraid of nobody showing up, because EVERY gathering has purpose, and even if it’s just me and you it’s going to be great!” {And in fact, there were a few like that, and they always were still great because my hostesses and I just got to take time visiting with each other.}
So then I moved from being sad that people weren’t there for Him, bringing the glory of a full sanctuary to Him, helping us to demonstrate how loved He is by numbers…to being sad that they weren’t there – for 𝓉𝒽ℯ𝓂.
God is so amazing, so filling, so healing, so restoring, so reviving, so perfectly suited to meet every need in us, that it literally hurts to see people missing out. And especially to see them missing out because they’re over-extended, drained, and in need of restoration… it would be like watching someone die of thirst, while having a room of bottled waters right next to them. It’s exasperating. I don’t know how to describe it other than that. My heart aches to see other hearts filled and replenished.
On top of these things, there was confusion. “God, if you knew only a few would come, why didn’t we just have this in my living room? Should I have stuck to that?”
But- 2 of the 7 were new to the church and wouldn’t have come if it were in my living room. And 2 matter! So I knew the answer to that one right away.
However, what I didn’t know is what God was about to whisper to my heart about my own self. This is what He said:
“Daylene, you’ve always loved worshipping me in small spaces. You’ve always felt most intimate with me there.
Your living room.
Your camper.
Your car.
Even your closet.
And that is because you are picturing me as having the properties of a gas… expanding to fill whatever space I’m given.
So it’s like (unconsciously) you are drawn to small spaces partly because I feel more “concentrated” there.
And you are upset, a little, that you’ve taken your worship time into this bigger, “emptier” space.
You don’t get upset to worship in a bigger space when there are more people, because you imagine that more of Me shows up,
so the concentration of me is the same or greater in a big room with lots of people as it is your small space with just me and you…
But there is something today that I want to teach you:
I am not gas, I am God!
I fill from the inside out, not the outside in.
My presence doesn’t “spread out” in sparsely populated places so that I’m less concentrated, and “concentrate” in a packed place…
I breathe fresh air from the inside.
It’s not the size of the ROOM you worship in,
or how many people are in that room,
it’s how much room you give me IN 𝒴𝒪𝒰.
I will 𝒶𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 “expand” to fill whatever room each person gives me in 𝓉𝒽ℯ𝓂𝓈ℯ𝓁𝓋ℯ𝓈!”
❤️❤️❤️
Would a sanctuary full of people be thrilling?
Yes!
It’s exciting when we see multitudes worshipping Him above all the other busyness and things in their lives!
It’s exciting to see Him glorified and to feel like a part of something much bigger than ourselves when others “get it” and long to spend time with Him corporately {and individually} too!
It’s exciting watching new people worship, especially, because it’s like watching a toddler’s face full of wonder! It’s wonderful!
It’s like a mother delighting in watching her children love on their father, when we see our youth worshipping God, their Father in heaven. It brings 𝒾𝓃𝒹ℯ𝓈𝒸𝓇𝒾𝒷𝒶𝒷𝓁ℯ joy to witness that kind of worship, because it’s so fitting, so 𝓇𝒾ℊ𝒽𝓉— in this often so-so-wrong world.
But as far as the filling?
It’s exactly like I used to tell my hostesses-
There’s good in ℰ𝒱ℰℛ𝒴 gathering!
He always fills the ones who show up.
Not based on the size of the room.
But based on how much room they give Him, in themselves, for Him to move. ✝️
———————
There’s a song I used to sing at church camp as a kid, that came back to me just now. I’ll share it here. It’s my prayer. 🙏🏻
“Spirit of the Living God
fall fresh on me.
Spirit of the Living God
fall fresh on me.
Melt me, mold me, fill me, use me
Spirit of the Living God
fall fresh on me…”
I prayed that last night and He DID.
He 𝒶𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 does.
Better than 𝒶𝓃𝓎𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃ℊ in the world.
From Full 