I let my kids see their dad and I kiss, our love for each other.
We let them see us hold hands in the car, and on the couch, and on together-walks.
Occasionally, they may even see him playfully pinch me on the back side. Which is always followed by an “Eeew! You guys! We are right here!” 😂
But I think it’s important for kids to see their parents loving on each other. It’s important for them to see the great parts of marriage. To see the romance, the joy, the delighting in one another continue, even when it’s not fresh anymore!
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I let my kids see their dad and I bicker sometimes, which is also a reality of a marriage between a man and a woman – who as a man and a woman have brains that are wired very differently.
Who would we even be kidding if we didn’t?
Everyone (and especially the children) can sense when a couple is having a moment of disharmony.
They sometimes see a tear fall out of my eye when he’s said something insensitively and my soft heart is (sometimes too) easily pierced.
They sometimes see his jawbone tighten and his normally laid-back demeanor clench up when I’ve said something disrespectfully and his masculine need for respect has been punched.
We let them see frustrations with one another and how we get through them, by pressing into prayer and leaning into love, when the enemy tries to tempt us to stiffen up in pride and pull away from each other.
There were many years before we put God in the middle where we were much more dramatic with our disagreements. One leaving the house for a couple of hours to settle down. (Thankfully always coming back.) Or withdrawing for long periods of time into separate rooms. Me following him around the house because I “had to” resolve it now. Giving each other the silent treatment. Or sometimes even yelling.
They saw those moments too, when we didn’t want them to.
But you know what, I don’t feel bad about that because they see how differently it looks with God at the center.
Not that it’s perfect or ever could be (we are two different people trying to weave a life together after all).
But that the forgiveness comes quicker, the leaning in and showing love comes quicker, can come before the feelings even, when we press into the Lord of Love, the Father of Forgiveness, and ask him to give us his grace and mercy for each other when we aren’t feeling it on our own.
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AUTHENTIC.
If I had to sum it up in one word, that is my goal. To just be real and show real.
Filtered not by feelings and what I WANT to be real but by FAITH, and what I KNOW to be true despite any particularly messy or particularly magnificent moments.
That we will have good times and bad together.
Sunshine and rain.
Such is life here on Earth.
BOTH are required to grow us.
And sometimes growing is great.
And sometimes growing is hard.
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This is how I want to show my love for Jesus with the world! Just like I show my love for Brett with my kids!
Appropriately, yes, but unashamed!
AUTHENTIC.
Letting others see the very thing that fills me up with love.
My Jesus, like my husband.
Real.
Doesn’t always say what I want to hear.
Comforts.
But doesn’t always conform to my ideas.
Loving. Protecting.
But can’t always shield me from every feeling, every situation, every storm, in t.h.i.s. world.
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Sometimes God and I have moments together where he takes my breath away with the way he lavishes love upon me. He has given me blessings that I could never deserve.
And sometimes God and I have moments together where I feel angry and hurt. Where, just like a man, but moreso, I don’t always understand him. Because we are DIFFERENT. He is God and his ways are higher than mine!
But always, ALWAYS we are better together!
God and I.
My husband and I.
And my husband and I, WITH God in the center, we don’t break down as easily as we did before.
“Two are better than one because they have a more satisfying return for their labor; for if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion…if two lie down together, then they keep warm;… though one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
〰️Ecc. 4:10
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