Sometimes I believe the prodigal is tempted to run again. I know this is true, actually, because the temptation came to me recently. As believers we don’t like to talk about things like this much, because they make us look weak and make us feel vulnerable. But if my weakness accentuates God’s glory and strength, then so be it. I will share. ❤️
So here is a journal entry of mine from last month, when I was in the middle of a spiritual battle, faced with the decision to fight-or-flight. Thankfully, the Lord fought for me when I finally allowed myself to simply become still. I think sometimes we need a reminder that He gives us this third option…THIS is how we fight our battles. ⤵️
“Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today…”
from Exodus 14:13 NIV
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Journal Entry:
Sometimes the prodigal is tempted to run again.
Not for the same reasons they ran the first time.
(Because they were all about self.)
(Because they thought the world held so much more pleasure and promise.)
But because they have been trying their very best and still feeling very much like they are falling short.
Because they KNOW (have experienced) the undeserved love the Father has lavished upon them and they have been trying to rise up and be worthy of it.
But they just can’t.
They just keep falling short.
And the enemy uses that to try to get them to leave.
But the Father never expected them to earn their place in the family, only to appreciate it.
He never expected them to be perfect,
He just loves that they are present with Him.
He is proud of them when they keep trying their best.
When they keep choosing to work for others’ good, to search for other lost ones with with Him.
He is proud when they keep repurposing the return party He has thrown for them, into a search party for those out there who are still unsaved,
or still hiding in pigpens hungry,
or still partying trying to fill a hunger that was never designed to be filled that way.
Those who have been trying to get all the good feelings out there, when love has been right HERE all along, and when embraced will give the feelings they’re looking for.
Returned-Prodigal, who is on the brink of running again… listen.
You are no more likely to be able to deserve God’s blessing, now that you’re back and have been for awhile…than you were when you first returned.
Just because He lets you go searching for others with him doesn’t mean He now expects perfection from you,
or for you to be ALL about service as if your self didn’t matter AT ALL.
(No, the part about loving God first is not for Him, it’s for you. God isn’t self-centered the way we are. He is absolutely pure love.)
When you seek Him first you will find every time that He loves you for YOU.
Not for what you do.
And that love empowers,
and work can be done willingly from its overflow.
He pre-pays.
And it’s not wages, it’s a gift.
So prodigal if you’re ready to run…
if you’re ready to quit because it feels like so much,
and you also hate that you feel this way
because you KNOW how much He’s given you
and you feel that you owe your all to Him…
Be still for a moment.
Remind yourself you don’t owe Him anything.
But not in a way of exerting independence like the enemy is likely tempting.
(The voice that says “Get away. Go off by yourself. Don’t accept grace and favors from anyone because you’ll owe them and you don’t have it in you to pay them back. It’s not worth it. Better to not accept it and be in their debt to begin with.”)
No- God says there IS no debt with Him,
because JESUS PAID IT!
We did owe Him.
More than we could ever pay back with our entire lives.
And that pressure was too great to bear!
So Jesus took it on for us!
That’s the essence of the Good News, isn’t it?
So free yourself from that pressure.
You don’t HAVE to work to deserve it.
No matter how much work you do,
you’ll never feel even/that debt settled if you’re trying to work it out like that.
So let’s just settle that.
You don’t need to be even.
Humbly accept your indebtedness,
and then gratefully accept that He paid it.
He doesn’t EXPECT anything of you.
And that’s hard to grasp maybe
because you expect a lot of yourself,
and of others.
When they receive grace
you expect them to be appreciative,
when they have been in the church awhile
you expect them to serve,
when they’re leaders
you expect that they’d step up
and be more excited about this stuff
than sports or hobbies or anything else…
We feel they owe him that don’t they?
They owe the body that?
But it’s not like that in His Kingdom!
They don’t OWE Him.
They don’t OWE the church.
Because Jesus already paid for their place.
A proper heart-felt response to that
WOULD be overflowing in service out of gratitude…
If that is the fruit,
then the root (His love planted in them) is healthy.
But if not, criticizing the tree for lack of fruit isn’t going to help.
We have to get to the roots.
Are they focused on works or worship?
Are they serving or attending
because they love Him,
because they are experiencing his love for them?
Or is it duty? Is it works?
(“If I do this I can feel good and even?”
In which case, their level of gratitude limits their limit of service.)
Even if our heart is right,
that we WANT to serve,
because of what He has done for us,
our level of gratitude still plays a role
in limiting our desire to serve.
So when our desire to serve is down,
increasing our gratitude is the solution.
It’s like a chemical (spiritual) reaction—
God is the constant, and He is in us.
Gratitude is the other reagent.
And service is the outcome.
God doesn’t change.
You’ll notice when someone’s service is up AND they’re joyful about it…when it’s not forced, it just flows- they also are almost always incredibly grateful.
Our desire to sit with Him is a different equation with a different set of factors.
Often, we naturally want to sit still with Him
when we feel proud of our service or behavior- because then we feel like we deserve it,
have earned it
and aren’t going to go into debt for it.
We don’t naturally like to accept charity
or grace
or favors.
Something in us
(which is maybe an honorable part
in other areas of our lives)
wants to take
only what we need
(for example, in times of distress)
or have earned.
But we have to get over that because it will dry up!
Neediness dries up. (Thank God!)
Our ability to earn dries up. (We need you, Jesus!)
I believe this is the equation.
Gratitude + God(‘s Presence) = Work.
As a prodigal, my journey started with gratitude,
which increased my awareness/soaking in
of His presence
and resulted in work.
(Not forced works, but a natural flowing.)
But as I began to focus on work,
my gratitude decreased
because I unconsciously thought
His presence was deserved,
When my gratitude (grateful attitude) decreases –
my awareness of his presence (presents) decreases,
and then my WANT-to-work naturally decreases!
So what’s the solution?
We can force ourselves to work of course,
but that is grind.
It’s adding into the equation and it’s exhausting, constantly feeding in manipulated “motivation” as a reagent.
But we don’t have to do this!
Nor do we have to decrease our commitments to serve!
The solution is to focus on what He has given us to be thankful for.
And if we can- focus less on our own desires,
less on our own work
and what we think others
should be thankful to us for,
because that competes for our mental resources and decreases our capacity for gratitude.
Put as much focus as you can into thanking Him- worship.
And work will flow naturally, wonderfully!
But it doesn’t work the other way around-
Put as much focus as you can on work and you won’t be able to feel the reaction (gratitude and His presence) and eventually you won’t be able to muster up any motivation and the work too will come to a stop.
—————
This is what God shared with me as I became still before Him.
When I paused in running myself ragged with a thousand to-do lists which were tunneling me into tasks for Him but away from quality time with Him.
Yet, as I prioritize that time with Him-
even when I don’t feel worthy of it-
even when I haven’t begun to make a dent in all the things He whispered in the quiet place that we would be doing together-
my energy returns!
His lightness in me,
His light in me
comes back!
And I am ready to run again!
WITH HIM, not away from Him!
It’s not the running that’s wrong.
It’s whether we are running away from Him
or toward!
Prodigals with the urge to run-
Turn around
And run right back toward Him!
👟 👟❤️
He’s ALWAYS ready to welcome you
(again and again and again)
and spend time with you at home.
From Full 