“My grace period doesn’t end.”
That’s what Jesus said to me, in my spirit,
the other day.
It’s not the first time He has said that to me the last few years, but it’s the first time I’ve shared it.
When He repeats Himself I know I need to listen closely.
You see I used to work in the mortgage delinquency department of a bank. Often times, people would call us because they were having a hard time and needed some grace on their payments. While we couldn’t prevent their credit from being affected, we could offer them a forbearance plan where they could make half or full payments for awhile. The downside to that was that usually at the end of the forbearance period, we would have to set them up on a repayment plan- which is where they make their payment PLUS some, so that they’re fully caught up in 6 – 12 months.
I had always been a pretty aggressive “earner” in my younger adult years. I didn’t know how to rest. I would take books with me everywhere until my degree was finished. After that, I would always be trying to figure out how to take my career to the next level, even though I switched jobs a lot and never really felt like I had found out what my career was supposed to be. Eventually I didn’t really care what I did anymore, I just wanted to succeed and I ran really hard, skipped a lot of sleep to be able to do that. But the cost was really high to my soul and my body. And I remember getting to the point where my spirit felt bankrupt, and I cried out to God for a forbearance period.
“I just need a season where I can be still, and rest a little. PLEASSSSE.”
And He gave it to me.
This has happened twice.
It happened the first time, about 4 years ago, right before I got pregnant with our miracle rainbow baby.
And it’s been happening cyclically since 2020, after my baby became mobile, COVID made life messier, and I felt called to go beyond (meaning out of) the life of daydreaming and digging deep for goals, that I had been living in…
In these seasons I enjoyed stillness and soaking up time with Him like no other. I even found myself wanting to work in a new way, flowing from fullness instead of out of a sense of indebtedness or from an emptiness that I wanted to fill.
But there was also this resistance within me that didn’t trust it. Didn’t believe this grace was really free.
I saw it more like a forbearance- (defined as the action of refraining from exercising a legal right, especially enforcing the payment of a debt.)
Forbearance, in the context of a mortgage process, is a special agreement between the lender and the borrower to delay a foreclosure. The literal meaning of forbearance is “holding back”. This is also referred to as mortgage moratorium- a legal authorization to debtors to postpone payment.
What happened then, both times, and what I still find happening now even when I take just a day of rest with God, is that my flesh fights it.
As soon as that rest period is over, I run back into frenzied activity as if I have to make up for “lost time.” As if I now owe a debt, that I have to pay back with interest.
And I don’t think that this is just me.
I think many Christians tend to fall into this trap, in one way or another.
Embracing grace initially, maybe for a moment, or a week, month, or season. And then buying the lie that the “honeymoon is over”. The “grace period” is up. And we have to get back to the grind again. And extra hard, to make up for the “missed time.”
The more I repeat this cycle, the quicker I recognize the collapsing feeling that follows the sprint-to-catch-up. Which is good, because it’s not until I feel tired that I realize I ran on ahead of my Jesus and began missing Him.
This month He has been calling me back into deeper quiet times with Him, which I love, but my flesh has been fighting it again.
I’m afraid of “missed time” I guess, because even though I’m serving a lot at home and in other ways, I feel like I should be doing more to contribute to our finances during this season of high inflation and gas prices. And the fact that I’m not often plagues me with guilt and invites me to be afraid about our future.
I’ve been asking Him if it’s time for me to add something else on. (If the forbearance is done and my debt is due.) Or if I missed something and heard him wrong, if I’m messing His plan for me and our family up somehow.
I don’t like wasting things.
And especially a thing as precious as time!
But I love the way He speaks.
So this is what happened next, after I asked him again about this. (And more urgently. Like God I need to hear you now on this! I’m feeling ultra needy of some guidance.)
I pick up a shirt my husband had been given at work, that he said I could have because it didn’t fit him right.
I toss it on because I was running behind on laundry and it was time to go pick up my nephew from preschool.
And as I do, I notice the sleeve of this shirt. What does it say?
“No lost time.”
It was, of course, referring to the fact that in 2021 at my husband’s work place there were no accidents which had caused lost productive time to the place. That’s why they had given him this shirt.
But God had other plans for it, as simple of a thing as it was.
He uses everything around Him to speak.
I know because He has done it time and time again.
It’s like an extra-rich language you might miss if you’re not listening for it, but when you’re tuned in you can’t NOT hear and see what He’s saying to you.
“No lost time.”
I read the words and they echoed in my spirit.
“I don’t let anything go to waste, Daylene.
Especially not time.
Not even when you think
you’ve surely wasted it.
I’m always using those seasons for something.
Shaping you, somehow.
Speaking to you, always.
You don’t have to worry about messing life up.
I am the potter, you are the clay.
I am the lover and you are the beloved.
Just be loved.
Soak it in. Day after day after day.
It’s not wasted time.
It’s that time together
that will most certainly transform you.
Your soul longs for the culmination of this transformation.
But it’s not instantaneous,
it happens over a lifetime.
Believe me that I know what I’m doing.
I’m never early or late.
Also know that I am not
awaiting some future-version of you,
to lavish my love upon.
As if when you’re more ( fill in the blank )
or when you feel more (fill in the blank ),
I will love you more.
No. That’s how the world works maybe, but now how I do.
I’ll love you then, and I also love you just as much right now. And I loved you before you were even born. I hung on that cross for you.
I need you to take that, personally, and dwell on it whenever the enemy would have you forget or not feel it.
It’ll bring you right back to me.
Back to the place where you remember I said that your debt has FOREVER been PAID.
No “rent due”.
No works REQUIRED.
No end-of-the-grace-period.
No need to set up on a repayment plan.
I don’t want you to try to pay me back.
I just want you to embrace what I’ve done for you.
I want you to BE LOVED, beloved.
And you know from experience, when you take the time to do this- so much love flows back out of you that it goes to work, naturally, sharing my love with others.
And that’s ok.
Don’t let the enemy confuse you about that either.
Religious, forced works are one thing.
(I will use those too, remember.
So don’t get stuck here.
I’m addressing your heart more than I am your hands.)
Work flowing out of a right-relationship that inspires you to rise up because my love has risen up inside of you… that’s an entirely different thing.
You don’t have to be afraid of being a workaholic in that regard.
Of going back to workaholism again.
So- Drink it up!
The sweetness that you love (me.)
Guzzle BEFORE you go to work!
You cannot get drunk on water.
Carry me- the Living Water – with you.
You never know who may be parched.
And more than any writing you do,
you are part of the communicating I am doing-
remember, that rich language we talked about before that goes beyond words?
My testimonies are written on your heart. ❤️
I am literally in you,
so I’m in everything you do.
This frees you to stop obsessing over what career you do (or don’t do.)
Instead of centering life and your identity on a career (or the status of not having to work or reaching “retirement”) which is so common to your culture, center it on me.
Focus on worship.
You’ll find your hand working naturally as a result.
And you’ll find freedom from the having to force them to (or not to.) ❤️”
Wow. God and I had such a good chat today.
And I thought I’d share in case anyone else is struggling with a feeling of indebtedness, a desire to retire (be done), or workaholism. I really needed to hear this today.
That His grace period never ends.
That I can always be filled up, for free.
And that I’m always wanted and welcomed to work, that it’ll flow without my even trying some days, because it’s from full.
And when it doesn’t flow, but it needs to— I don’t have to try to push it out. I can simply praise instead. And the flow will be restored again!
How amazing is that?
————-
Luke 12:29-32 MSG
“What I’m trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don’t be afraid of missing out. You’re my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself.”
Isaiah 55:1-13 MSG
“Hey there! All who are thirsty, come to the water! Are you penniless? Come anyway—buy and eat! Come, buy your drinks, buy wine and milk. Buy without money—everything’s free! Why do you spend your money on junk food, your hard-earned cash on cotton candy? Listen to me, listen well: Eat only the best, fill yourself with only the finest. Pay attention, come close now, listen carefully to my life-giving, life-nourishing words. I’m making a lasting covenant commitment with you, the same that I made with David: sure, solid, enduring love. I set him up as a witness to the nations, made him a prince and leader of the nations, And now I’m doing it to you: You’ll summon nations you’ve never heard of, and nations who’ve never heard of you will come running to you Because of me, your God, because The Holy of Israel has honored you.” Seek God while he’s here to be found, pray to him while he’s close at hand. Let the wicked abandon their way of life and the evil their way of thinking. Let them come back to God, who is merciful, come back to our God, who is lavish with forgiveness. “I don’t think the way you think. The way you work isn’t the way I work.” God’s Decree. “For as the sky soars high above earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think. Just as rain and snow descend from the skies and don’t go back until they’ve watered the earth, Doing their work of making things grow and blossom, producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry, So will the words that come out of my mouth not come back empty-handed. They’ll do the work I sent them to do, they’ll complete the assignment I gave them. “So you’ll go out in joy, you’ll be led into a whole and complete life. The mountains and hills will lead the parade, bursting with song. All the trees of the forest will join the procession, exuberant with applause. No more thistles, but giant sequoias, no more thornbushes, but stately pines— Monuments to me, to God, living and lasting evidence of God.”
Matthew 11:28-30 MSG
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
From Full 