Ever get that feeling like “I need to go somewhere. Anywhere. Let’s just pack up, you call into work, and let’s drive?”
I used to get that all • the • time.
And every time I’d get it, I would spend hours and sometimes days googling vacation or mini-vaca options, and then trying to make finances work so we could follow that feeling and get out of dodge.
When it all worked out, I’d enjoy it. I really would.
But funny thing- whenever we’d get home, whatever it was that I was running from (whether I knew what it was or not), would still be there.
I had just paid to delay that feeling.
When it didn’t work out, I’d be grumpy. I really would. Like a hangry person who doesn’t mean to be angry but they have a need that hasn’t been filled, an itch that hasn’t been scratched, and it affects how they act.
It isn’t always just vacations either.
Sometimes, years ago, it used to be a trip to the mall.
Or the movies.
Or out to eat.
Or on a hike.
Just somewhere.
Somewhere to change my setting.
Something to occupy my mind.
Something to give me all feels.
It’s like a brand of claustrophobia, where I just feel like I urgently need to get out of the house.
I still get those feelings these days, sometimes.
They don’t just go away entirely when you know Jesus.
Sometimes we still get hungry and hangry-
and we think it’s for other things.
And other things might taste good,
and satisfy for a short time,
but they can cost a lot and they never last.
But Jesus?
He’s not a snack.
He’s not koolaid that leaves us thirstier.
He’s soul-water that quenches the deeper-than-flesh droughts.
And I’m learning something new, too:
Every time I ask Him to,
he helps those feelings to pass.
Instead of feeling guilty for feeling that way,
or going right to trying to take care of that need
and feed it myself,
I have been – as often as I remember- learning to go to him first.
Like a habitual over-eater learns to ask “Am I really hungry, or am I bored?”, I have been allowing Him to remind me to ask- “Am I really needing to go? Or is my Spirit prompting me to ask Him to come, consciously into my presence again?”
Today that feeling hit me again.
“I want to go somewhere, babe,” I told my husband.
Let’s go camping!
Let’s go on a hike!
Let’s load up the kids and just drive!”
“Where?” he asked?
I didn’t even know where.
Actually, half of me didn’t even know if I felt like doing any of those. But half of me was really insisting that she wanted to go SOMEWHERE.
But instead of getting out my phone and searching Facebook events, or googling feel-good places within an hour or two drive from here, or scrolling my news feed to see what everyone else was up to so I could figure out what I wanted to do- I let the Spirit scroll me instead.
“You’re wanting me, Daylene.
That’s all it is.” He said.
“A fresh filling.”
“Holiday spirit never cuts it,
though it’s a a beautiful addition to the season.
My Holy Spirit always fills, and I’m ALWAYS here.
But just because you got filled in me yesterday, and the day before, and however often you came for filling- that doesn’t mean you’re not going to hunger for me again.
You need conscious filling in ME daily, multiple times a day, always.
When I said you’ll never hunger or thirst again it didn’t mean that your flesh wouldn’t try to tell you that you’re hungry or thirsty for the things you used to associate with fullness again – it means that when you tell me that you’re hungry or thirsty (instead of running right away to get a bite or drink in the world’s way), I will fill you up with myself!
And then- if you want to go out, you go from full, not for it.
Like going to a friends house after you’ve already eaten dinner and they bring out some food and you can take it or leave it, because you’re not starved.”
So today I practiced this.
Today when I felt that antsy feeling,
that hunger to go somewhere,
instead of asking myself where I wanted to go,
I asked Him to come to me
and fill me up so that feeling would leave.
And it did!
He’s the best.
He calms the inner chaos.
When His Spirit increases in me,
it’s like it floods out any dissatisfaction that has tried to creep in.
So we cleaned up the house,
fixed lunch at home,
lounged around for a bit.
And then decided to use our Christmas money to go on a family date to the movies.
No longer because I NEEDED to,
I was good either way.
And the best part about that is when the movie was over, my satisfaction and fullness was not.
I sometimes feel really silly sharing things like this.
Wouldn’t you think I’d be more “natural” at all this by now?
Doesn’t having faith for big things mean the small things are simple?
No- it really doesn’t-
so don’t ever feel foolish for needing Him for it all.
I do.
I think I always will.
And that’s ok- He said He’s never going anywhere!
From Full 