Light Under Repair

I circled around the block to take this picture.

Its message caught my eye as I drove past the first time.

“I feel ya, light pole” was my first thought.

Aren’t we all under repair?

I have the light of Jesus in me,
but sometimes the pole I try to hold it up and out on feels broken.

Sometimes I wish people would understand that Christians aren’t actually capable of being perfect.

That’s a lot of pressure,
being held to a standard like that.

Sometimes I wonder if people would be more understanding and compassionate towards one another if we all wore what we were going through like the label on this light pole:

My “on this day” memories this morning reminded me that on this day 4 years ago I was struggling to keep a smile on my face at a friend’s baby shower. Genuinely happy for her, but in the midst of our season of multiple miscarriage and infertility, and inside wondering both why — why were we going through that, and why couldn’t I just get peace and be done trying for another…

My label might have looked like this on that day:

Fragile: Smile is held together by tape. Handle with care.

Or three years ago on this day, as my dad was battling for his life again in the hospital.

My label might’ve said:

Trying to keep faith, despite what seems dire and impossible. Light under construction. (You see, us Christians don’t just receive a full measure of faith from the start, we get a tiny bit. And we have to grow it. And growing comes with a lot of pains. It’s really hard sometimes to believe, despite what you see. And yet he did pull through that time and was blessed with 2 more years.)

Or these days, in the midst of everything going on in this world. Yet trying my very best to steward well everything in my own little corner of it.

My marriage.
My children.
My position as our homeschool coordinator/teacher.
Our family time.
Extended family time.
Church family time.
Youth group.
Women’s ministry inside & outside our circles.
My shirt biz.
Some side gigs in social media work.

Wanting nothing more than to spend all my time reading about Jesus, but following his lead that we can have a little reading time, yet most of our training in becoming Christ-like is “on the job.”

Running full speed ahead in ALL those things, because I truly love Him and I love people, and I want to do my very best in every thing he leads me to.

Some days wondering if I’m getting it all wrong. Asking and re-asking him often, in my different work areas, “Did I hear you right? I just want to be sure. Because when you say to stay I’ll stay and when you say to go I’ll go.”

My label would probably read this in this season:
Caution: Light shines ultra brightly sometimes. You may want to wear sunglasses if you’re sensitive. Also, sometimes it goes really dim. We are working on that. – Signed, the Management (Father, Son, & Holy Spirit.)

Because yeah-
Sometimes I’m so full of fire for Jesus and I can’t filter it. I can’t contain it. I don’t feel sorry about that either. But some people don’t like it. It’s “a little much” for some. And that’s ok. It’s not like I can control it. When the Spirit fills, He fills, and passion is simply the overflow!

And also yeah-
Sometimes I get so busy in all of the work that he calls me to do, that I find our quiet times- and therefore my passion- getting “burnt out” too. And he has to remind me to fast for awhile, so that he can “change the bulb”.

Light under repair.

That’s what we always and forever will be,
while also simultaneously shining.

Until we get to heaven.
And it’ll be ALL shining there!
No bulb needed anymore.
HE will be our light,
and we will all perfectly reflect His love!